April 9, 2002
Will Rogers once advised, “Live in such a way that you would not be ashamed to sell your parrot to the town gossip.”
A friend says she does not live the same way at home as she does in public because when she is at home she leaves her false teeth on the vanity. Would people gossip about that?
We laughingly assure her that gumming is hardly grist for the gossip mill. Even though we are what we are when no one is looking, some allowances are expected. Hiding immoral behavior behind a facade of decency is a far bigger issue than popping in those dentures when the door bell rings!
As far as immoral behavior goes, Dr. Laura says anyone can clean up their life. We are created with the ability to make moral choices. The problem is that true change comes from the heart, and if a person’s heart is not in it, the cleanup is only on the surface.
This issue was disputed in Jesus’ day. The religious leaders thought that looking good in front of people was vitally important. However, Jesus said they were hiding their true selves. He called them “whitewashed sepulchers; clean on the outside but full of dead men’s bones.”
Although the laws of God indicate He wants us to clean up the way we live, Jesus stressed that He expects more than external behavior. He said, “Blessed are the pure in heart” and “Love the Lord your God with all your heart.”
Living from the heart means being honest with God, ourselves and others. Psychologist Larry Crabb says that most people do not do this because we are terrified of complete self-exposure. Instead, we build layers to protect ourselves. These layers prevent others from knowing our inner thoughts and feelings.
Layers show up in our conversation. The deeper the layer, the shallower the topic. For instance, the most protective conversations are spoken in cliches. Some call it “weather talk.” Remove some layers and the next level of conversation becomes “reporting facts,” usually about external events or other people. This chitchat does not include personal or self-revealing statements.
Remove more layers and the conversation includes ideas and judgments. Even at this level, the person talking watches listeners carefully. If there is any indication they are not interested or do not agree, the speaker layers up again, retreating to chitchat, cliches or silence.
When we stop hiding behind layers, we can share our feelings and emotions and begin to reveal ourselves. This does not happen all the time or with everyone, but if it never happens, it indicates we have many protective layers and a deeply hidden personality. Those who hide themselves behind an “acceptable” exterior lack integrity, and depending what they are hiding, they may be living a terrible lie.
Jesus expresses deep concern for issues of the heart. He says “out of the heart comes evil thoughts,” and we know where evil thoughts can lead. We need to behave properly but can we really do it without guarding our hearts? Even if other people do not care if we harbor lust, greed, hatred, or anger, God does. He asks that we be transparent and honest with Him. When we confess both outer and inner sins, “He is faithful and just to forgive our sin and cleanse us from all unrighteousness.”
Simply put, He cleans up our hearts, and that purity affects the way we live. Someone with a clean heart is careful to stay away from layers. They are open and honest about their lives, including their inner life.
They are also safe if their parrot, or anyone who knows them, brings up their name in front of the town gossip!
Showing posts with label transparent. Show all posts
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Wednesday, May 30, 2018
Wednesday, April 11, 2018
How shall I talk about myself? ............. Parables 727
August 7, 2001
Author Anne Lamott writes about her life, easily admitting her quirks, foibles and bad attitudes. Before hearing her speak at a writers conference, I sat with some people who discussed her style. They clearly thought she is a misfit who reveals far more of her sins than she ought.
Sometimes a close-up confession from another person embarrasses us. While we might hope for friends that are perfect (or at least only slightly flawed), it takes time and a well-developed relationship to accept and understand someone’s darker secrets.
If a stranger tells us too much, we might wince, excuse ourselves, and leave. We don’t want to hear that they lied or stole something or considered murdering their mother or took drugs when they were teenagers. When someone dumps those kinds of things on us, we feel used, like a garbage can.
Everyone wants intimacy with family and friends but how should we react when someone reveals their dirt? What do they want from us? Absolution? Or a pat on the back and a patronizing, “I’m sure you are making it sound much worse than it is.”
My sister tells about confessing to a prayer group that she was not as faithful to God as she would like to be. They said, “Oh, no, not you, you’re okay.” They would not allow her confession and tried to convince her that she was wrong to think that way, never mind say it.
Nevertheless, saying it can be powerful. P. D. James’ mystery story “Innocent Blood” said it. When I finished reading it, I felt as if I had heard the confessions of humanity. The people in the story were fictional yet so real. I knew everything about them. While some goodness showed through (after all, we are made in the image of God), the dark side was revealed in such a way that I wept at the pitiful condition of human beings who are without love or hope.
In contrast, I’ve read a nonfiction book about real people but it tells only their virtue. The story is completely unbelievable because the people are phoney. I could not identify with their perfection. Who can? But when a writer like P. D. James depicts the best and worst in her characters, the story reaches right into our hearts. These fictional people are like us. We see our own best and realize our very worst. We are undone.
That is one reason God asks us to be honest. Certainly confession is necessary for forgiveness but confession also encourages integrity. Those who hear it find it easier to admit that they are often weak also, and prone to sin. An honest confession helps us know we are not alone in our struggle with evil thoughts, words and deeds.
The Bible says, “Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed.” Without confession, there is no forgiveness, no healing, no change. In fact, Scripture also says, “He who covers his sin will not prosper.”
Anne Lamott is a Christian who knows that her goodness comes from the Lord. She is made in His image and being renewed in the image of His Son. Yet she does not boast about herself.
I asked the group who criticized her honesty how could a person write about their own virtue. No one answered. To their credit, they realized that bragging and pride need far more criticism than does humility and integrity.
Author Anne Lamott writes about her life, easily admitting her quirks, foibles and bad attitudes. Before hearing her speak at a writers conference, I sat with some people who discussed her style. They clearly thought she is a misfit who reveals far more of her sins than she ought.
Sometimes a close-up confession from another person embarrasses us. While we might hope for friends that are perfect (or at least only slightly flawed), it takes time and a well-developed relationship to accept and understand someone’s darker secrets.
If a stranger tells us too much, we might wince, excuse ourselves, and leave. We don’t want to hear that they lied or stole something or considered murdering their mother or took drugs when they were teenagers. When someone dumps those kinds of things on us, we feel used, like a garbage can.
Everyone wants intimacy with family and friends but how should we react when someone reveals their dirt? What do they want from us? Absolution? Or a pat on the back and a patronizing, “I’m sure you are making it sound much worse than it is.”
My sister tells about confessing to a prayer group that she was not as faithful to God as she would like to be. They said, “Oh, no, not you, you’re okay.” They would not allow her confession and tried to convince her that she was wrong to think that way, never mind say it.
Nevertheless, saying it can be powerful. P. D. James’ mystery story “Innocent Blood” said it. When I finished reading it, I felt as if I had heard the confessions of humanity. The people in the story were fictional yet so real. I knew everything about them. While some goodness showed through (after all, we are made in the image of God), the dark side was revealed in such a way that I wept at the pitiful condition of human beings who are without love or hope.
In contrast, I’ve read a nonfiction book about real people but it tells only their virtue. The story is completely unbelievable because the people are phoney. I could not identify with their perfection. Who can? But when a writer like P. D. James depicts the best and worst in her characters, the story reaches right into our hearts. These fictional people are like us. We see our own best and realize our very worst. We are undone.
That is one reason God asks us to be honest. Certainly confession is necessary for forgiveness but confession also encourages integrity. Those who hear it find it easier to admit that they are often weak also, and prone to sin. An honest confession helps us know we are not alone in our struggle with evil thoughts, words and deeds.
The Bible says, “Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed.” Without confession, there is no forgiveness, no healing, no change. In fact, Scripture also says, “He who covers his sin will not prosper.”
Anne Lamott is a Christian who knows that her goodness comes from the Lord. She is made in His image and being renewed in the image of His Son. Yet she does not boast about herself.
I asked the group who criticized her honesty how could a person write about their own virtue. No one answered. To their credit, they realized that bragging and pride need far more criticism than does humility and integrity.
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