April 9, 2002
Will Rogers once advised, “Live in such a way that you would not be ashamed to sell your parrot to the town gossip.”
A friend says she does not live the same way at home as she does in public because when she is at home she leaves her false teeth on the vanity. Would people gossip about that?
We laughingly assure her that gumming is hardly grist for the gossip mill. Even though we are what we are when no one is looking, some allowances are expected. Hiding immoral behavior behind a facade of decency is a far bigger issue than popping in those dentures when the door bell rings!
As far as immoral behavior goes, Dr. Laura says anyone can clean up their life. We are created with the ability to make moral choices. The problem is that true change comes from the heart, and if a person’s heart is not in it, the cleanup is only on the surface.
This issue was disputed in Jesus’ day. The religious leaders thought that looking good in front of people was vitally important. However, Jesus said they were hiding their true selves. He called them “whitewashed sepulchers; clean on the outside but full of dead men’s bones.”
Although the laws of God indicate He wants us to clean up the way we live, Jesus stressed that He expects more than external behavior. He said, “Blessed are the pure in heart” and “Love the Lord your God with all your heart.”
Living from the heart means being honest with God, ourselves and others. Psychologist Larry Crabb says that most people do not do this because we are terrified of complete self-exposure. Instead, we build layers to protect ourselves. These layers prevent others from knowing our inner thoughts and feelings.
Layers show up in our conversation. The deeper the layer, the shallower the topic. For instance, the most protective conversations are spoken in cliches. Some call it “weather talk.” Remove some layers and the next level of conversation becomes “reporting facts,” usually about external events or other people. This chitchat does not include personal or self-revealing statements.
Remove more layers and the conversation includes ideas and judgments. Even at this level, the person talking watches listeners carefully. If there is any indication they are not interested or do not agree, the speaker layers up again, retreating to chitchat, cliches or silence.
When we stop hiding behind layers, we can share our feelings and emotions and begin to reveal ourselves. This does not happen all the time or with everyone, but if it never happens, it indicates we have many protective layers and a deeply hidden personality. Those who hide themselves behind an “acceptable” exterior lack integrity, and depending what they are hiding, they may be living a terrible lie.
Jesus expresses deep concern for issues of the heart. He says “out of the heart comes evil thoughts,” and we know where evil thoughts can lead. We need to behave properly but can we really do it without guarding our hearts? Even if other people do not care if we harbor lust, greed, hatred, or anger, God does. He asks that we be transparent and honest with Him. When we confess both outer and inner sins, “He is faithful and just to forgive our sin and cleanse us from all unrighteousness.”
Simply put, He cleans up our hearts, and that purity affects the way we live. Someone with a clean heart is careful to stay away from layers. They are open and honest about their lives, including their inner life.
They are also safe if their parrot, or anyone who knows them, brings up their name in front of the town gossip!
Showing posts with label fear of rejection. Show all posts
Showing posts with label fear of rejection. Show all posts
Wednesday, May 30, 2018
Monday, May 21, 2018
A hiding place ............. Parables 744
February 12, 2002
Little Beth likes to hide from her mother. She crawls under a bed or behind the clothes in a closet and almost holds her breath when she hears her mother looking for her. This cute behavior is not so cute when the family is shopping. Beth finds a rack of clothes or a counter and crawls in to hide. Her parents become frantic. No matter how much they call or what they say, Beth sits quietly until they discover her hiding place.
When my children were small, they often ran ahead of me. No matter how I called, they kept going, but when I turned and began walking the other direction, they panicked. Instead of continuing to tease me, they became fearful. They thought I was leaving them so turned around and ran as fast as they could to catch up to me.
Supposedly, we are born with only two fears: falling and loud noises. If it were not for children like Beth, we could add the fear of abandonment. Nevertheless, this fear might not be innate, but most of us pick it up fairly soon.
Actually, fearing that people will abandon us has a positive potential. For one thing, it motivates us to build close relationships. We do not want to be left alone. Our nature as human beings tends toward gregariousness. We may learn to fear people and fear being hurt, but we still want to draw close to others. Even Beth loves the care and attention her parents give her.
Adam and Eve enjoyed a close relationship with each other too. The Bible says they were “naked and not ashamed.” They had nothing to fear so they never hid anything from each other. They also had a close, fearless relationship with God, but that was before sin entered the picture. After that, they were afraid of God. Genesis tells how it happened and how they tried to hide from Him.
The rest of Scripture shows how we have playing that same game since Eden. On one hand, we want to bring ourselves, our problems and our sins to the only One who truly accepts us as we are. On the other hand, we do not want His help us with our problems nor do we want to admit we have sin and need forgiveness, so we hide from God.
The hiding places are imaginative. Some people decide God does not exist, making Him easy to avoid; for them, He is not real. Like children, they shut their eyes and think that makes them invisible and God too. Others hide by saying God does not care, so they can dismiss their sin, or rename it. They are free to do whatever they wish. If He is not concerned, why should they care?
People hide behind masks too. Pretend I am strong; I don’t need help. Pretend I am righteous; I don’t need grace. Pretend I never make mistakes; I don’t need forgiveness. Or pretend I am religious . . .
All religious systems have rules and keeping them supposedly pleases God. Hiding in a religion makes us appear to be close to God and if we can pick a religion with rules compatible to our comfort zone, we can hide from God and yet not appear to be hiding.
The gospel unmasks and uncovers our hiding places, even the religious ones. It says no one is saved by good deeds, rule-keeping, or being “saintly” because God is not impressed. He sees the heart and His standard is Christ. Do we dare measure ourselves against Jesus?
None of what we do either brings us into a relationship with Him or hides us from Him. As the psalmist says, “Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence?”
Instead of hiding from Him, God invites us to hide in Him. Lord, my favorite chorus combines two verses from Your Word: “You are my hiding place, You always fill my heart with songs of deliverance, whenever I am afraid, I will trust in You . . .”
Like a loving parent, He never stops longing for us to stop running away and come to Him. Regardless of whatever we fear or want to cover up, we can hide ourselves in His love.
Little Beth likes to hide from her mother. She crawls under a bed or behind the clothes in a closet and almost holds her breath when she hears her mother looking for her. This cute behavior is not so cute when the family is shopping. Beth finds a rack of clothes or a counter and crawls in to hide. Her parents become frantic. No matter how much they call or what they say, Beth sits quietly until they discover her hiding place.
When my children were small, they often ran ahead of me. No matter how I called, they kept going, but when I turned and began walking the other direction, they panicked. Instead of continuing to tease me, they became fearful. They thought I was leaving them so turned around and ran as fast as they could to catch up to me.
Supposedly, we are born with only two fears: falling and loud noises. If it were not for children like Beth, we could add the fear of abandonment. Nevertheless, this fear might not be innate, but most of us pick it up fairly soon.
Actually, fearing that people will abandon us has a positive potential. For one thing, it motivates us to build close relationships. We do not want to be left alone. Our nature as human beings tends toward gregariousness. We may learn to fear people and fear being hurt, but we still want to draw close to others. Even Beth loves the care and attention her parents give her.
Adam and Eve enjoyed a close relationship with each other too. The Bible says they were “naked and not ashamed.” They had nothing to fear so they never hid anything from each other. They also had a close, fearless relationship with God, but that was before sin entered the picture. After that, they were afraid of God. Genesis tells how it happened and how they tried to hide from Him.
The rest of Scripture shows how we have playing that same game since Eden. On one hand, we want to bring ourselves, our problems and our sins to the only One who truly accepts us as we are. On the other hand, we do not want His help us with our problems nor do we want to admit we have sin and need forgiveness, so we hide from God.
The hiding places are imaginative. Some people decide God does not exist, making Him easy to avoid; for them, He is not real. Like children, they shut their eyes and think that makes them invisible and God too. Others hide by saying God does not care, so they can dismiss their sin, or rename it. They are free to do whatever they wish. If He is not concerned, why should they care?
People hide behind masks too. Pretend I am strong; I don’t need help. Pretend I am righteous; I don’t need grace. Pretend I never make mistakes; I don’t need forgiveness. Or pretend I am religious . . .
All religious systems have rules and keeping them supposedly pleases God. Hiding in a religion makes us appear to be close to God and if we can pick a religion with rules compatible to our comfort zone, we can hide from God and yet not appear to be hiding.
The gospel unmasks and uncovers our hiding places, even the religious ones. It says no one is saved by good deeds, rule-keeping, or being “saintly” because God is not impressed. He sees the heart and His standard is Christ. Do we dare measure ourselves against Jesus?
None of what we do either brings us into a relationship with Him or hides us from Him. As the psalmist says, “Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence?”
Instead of hiding from Him, God invites us to hide in Him. Lord, my favorite chorus combines two verses from Your Word: “You are my hiding place, You always fill my heart with songs of deliverance, whenever I am afraid, I will trust in You . . .”
Like a loving parent, He never stops longing for us to stop running away and come to Him. Regardless of whatever we fear or want to cover up, we can hide ourselves in His love.
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