April 9, 2002
Will Rogers once advised, “Live in such a way that you would not be ashamed to sell your parrot to the town gossip.”
A friend says she does not live the same way at home as she does in public because when she is at home she leaves her false teeth on the vanity. Would people gossip about that?
We laughingly assure her that gumming is hardly grist for the gossip mill. Even though we are what we are when no one is looking, some allowances are expected. Hiding immoral behavior behind a facade of decency is a far bigger issue than popping in those dentures when the door bell rings!
As far as immoral behavior goes, Dr. Laura says anyone can clean up their life. We are created with the ability to make moral choices. The problem is that true change comes from the heart, and if a person’s heart is not in it, the cleanup is only on the surface.
This issue was disputed in Jesus’ day. The religious leaders thought that looking good in front of people was vitally important. However, Jesus said they were hiding their true selves. He called them “whitewashed sepulchers; clean on the outside but full of dead men’s bones.”
Although the laws of God indicate He wants us to clean up the way we live, Jesus stressed that He expects more than external behavior. He said, “Blessed are the pure in heart” and “Love the Lord your God with all your heart.”
Living from the heart means being honest with God, ourselves and others. Psychologist Larry Crabb says that most people do not do this because we are terrified of complete self-exposure. Instead, we build layers to protect ourselves. These layers prevent others from knowing our inner thoughts and feelings.
Layers show up in our conversation. The deeper the layer, the shallower the topic. For instance, the most protective conversations are spoken in cliches. Some call it “weather talk.” Remove some layers and the next level of conversation becomes “reporting facts,” usually about external events or other people. This chitchat does not include personal or self-revealing statements.
Remove more layers and the conversation includes ideas and judgments. Even at this level, the person talking watches listeners carefully. If there is any indication they are not interested or do not agree, the speaker layers up again, retreating to chitchat, cliches or silence.
When we stop hiding behind layers, we can share our feelings and emotions and begin to reveal ourselves. This does not happen all the time or with everyone, but if it never happens, it indicates we have many protective layers and a deeply hidden personality. Those who hide themselves behind an “acceptable” exterior lack integrity, and depending what they are hiding, they may be living a terrible lie.
Jesus expresses deep concern for issues of the heart. He says “out of the heart comes evil thoughts,” and we know where evil thoughts can lead. We need to behave properly but can we really do it without guarding our hearts? Even if other people do not care if we harbor lust, greed, hatred, or anger, God does. He asks that we be transparent and honest with Him. When we confess both outer and inner sins, “He is faithful and just to forgive our sin and cleanse us from all unrighteousness.”
Simply put, He cleans up our hearts, and that purity affects the way we live. Someone with a clean heart is careful to stay away from layers. They are open and honest about their lives, including their inner life.
They are also safe if their parrot, or anyone who knows them, brings up their name in front of the town gossip!
Showing posts with label layers to hide behind. Show all posts
Showing posts with label layers to hide behind. Show all posts
Wednesday, May 30, 2018
Wednesday, July 5, 2017
Layers like an onion? .......... Parables 610
September 22, 1998
Health food advocates and most vitamin companies say artificial is not as good as natural. What about food? Artificial grapes often look better than real fruit, but no one eats plastic food. Silk flowers need little care but no one plants them in their garden. Astro-turf never needs mowing but few people put it on their front yard. What about sports or jewels? Links on the computer is fun but my muscles get a better workout on a real golf course. Costume jewelry is nice but cannot beat real pearls and diamonds. We want the “real thing,” whether it is jewelry, a game, flowers, grass or food.
Most of us like real people too. ‘Artificial’ could mean wax museum dummies, but we usually use that term for folks who, for one reason or another, have difficulty being themselves. They are aloof, closed, hard to get to know.
Related to that, Christian psychologist Larry Crabbe says we are like onions. We cover our real selves with layers because we are afraid others will reject us if they see what we are really like. We protecting our inner selves because we sense that peeling off our layers could bring tears.
As an example of a layer, Crabbe uses shyness. He says under this external behavior is a person who is afraid that self-expression will bring rejection or ridicule. For them, being shy is a better quality than being wrong or thought silly, so they covers their fears with shyness.
Most of us do not admit or even realize we use layers as protection for our self-esteem. For me, it is boasting or over-involving myself in something that I am good at — to draw attention to my good points. If those layers do not work, I might try retreating, or talking about someone else as a cover, anything to keep people from noticing my shortcomings.
Sometimes we are not as inadequate as we suppose. Besides, people as more accepting than we think they will be. However, there are occasions when we really are inadequate or have done something foolish or wrong. It is far more difficult to admit it than to hide under excuses, blame-shifting, or a lifestyle that belies our burdened conscience.
Whether from real guilt or imagined inadequacy, these layers can become very thick. When that happens to me, I notice my ability to relate to others drops to superficiality. At that point, I need God more than ever; He is an onion-peeling expert.
For one thing, the Lord accepts me just as I am without putting me into competition or rating systems. He says, “While we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.” Other people might ignore, dislike or even hate us for our flaws, but God is always ready to accept us because He loves us. The Bible says, “He loves us with an everlasting love.”
God proved His love by the price He paid for us, the life of His Son. No matter what we are like on the inside or on the surface, His great love can fill our need for love and acceptance.
He also takes care of our fears and inadequacies. We worry about all sorts of things and cannot live up to our own expectations, never mind meet the demands of others, but God, true to His nature, provides strength and every resource we need. In Christ, we are not only loved and accepted but equipped and made capable.
This is the secret of onion peeling. God comes into the hearts of those who trust Him. As He meets our deepest inner needs, the layers begin coming off. We find ourselves less and less concerned about what people think of us and instead deeply care about them.
If we have layers and want to be ourselves, we can trust God to help us. When we become what He intended — people without fear, open and layer-free — we are more like genuine jewels and less like onions.
Health food advocates and most vitamin companies say artificial is not as good as natural. What about food? Artificial grapes often look better than real fruit, but no one eats plastic food. Silk flowers need little care but no one plants them in their garden. Astro-turf never needs mowing but few people put it on their front yard. What about sports or jewels? Links on the computer is fun but my muscles get a better workout on a real golf course. Costume jewelry is nice but cannot beat real pearls and diamonds. We want the “real thing,” whether it is jewelry, a game, flowers, grass or food.
Most of us like real people too. ‘Artificial’ could mean wax museum dummies, but we usually use that term for folks who, for one reason or another, have difficulty being themselves. They are aloof, closed, hard to get to know.
Related to that, Christian psychologist Larry Crabbe says we are like onions. We cover our real selves with layers because we are afraid others will reject us if they see what we are really like. We protecting our inner selves because we sense that peeling off our layers could bring tears.
As an example of a layer, Crabbe uses shyness. He says under this external behavior is a person who is afraid that self-expression will bring rejection or ridicule. For them, being shy is a better quality than being wrong or thought silly, so they covers their fears with shyness.
Most of us do not admit or even realize we use layers as protection for our self-esteem. For me, it is boasting or over-involving myself in something that I am good at — to draw attention to my good points. If those layers do not work, I might try retreating, or talking about someone else as a cover, anything to keep people from noticing my shortcomings.
Sometimes we are not as inadequate as we suppose. Besides, people as more accepting than we think they will be. However, there are occasions when we really are inadequate or have done something foolish or wrong. It is far more difficult to admit it than to hide under excuses, blame-shifting, or a lifestyle that belies our burdened conscience.
Whether from real guilt or imagined inadequacy, these layers can become very thick. When that happens to me, I notice my ability to relate to others drops to superficiality. At that point, I need God more than ever; He is an onion-peeling expert.
For one thing, the Lord accepts me just as I am without putting me into competition or rating systems. He says, “While we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.” Other people might ignore, dislike or even hate us for our flaws, but God is always ready to accept us because He loves us. The Bible says, “He loves us with an everlasting love.”
God proved His love by the price He paid for us, the life of His Son. No matter what we are like on the inside or on the surface, His great love can fill our need for love and acceptance.
He also takes care of our fears and inadequacies. We worry about all sorts of things and cannot live up to our own expectations, never mind meet the demands of others, but God, true to His nature, provides strength and every resource we need. In Christ, we are not only loved and accepted but equipped and made capable.
This is the secret of onion peeling. God comes into the hearts of those who trust Him. As He meets our deepest inner needs, the layers begin coming off. We find ourselves less and less concerned about what people think of us and instead deeply care about them.
If we have layers and want to be ourselves, we can trust God to help us. When we become what He intended — people without fear, open and layer-free — we are more like genuine jewels and less like onions.
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