April 9, 2002
Will Rogers once advised, “Live in such a way that you would not be ashamed to sell your parrot to the town gossip.”
A friend says she does not live the same way at home as she does in public because when she is at home she leaves her false teeth on the vanity. Would people gossip about that?
We laughingly assure her that gumming is hardly grist for the gossip mill. Even though we are what we are when no one is looking, some allowances are expected. Hiding immoral behavior behind a facade of decency is a far bigger issue than popping in those dentures when the door bell rings!
As far as immoral behavior goes, Dr. Laura says anyone can clean up their life. We are created with the ability to make moral choices. The problem is that true change comes from the heart, and if a person’s heart is not in it, the cleanup is only on the surface.
This issue was disputed in Jesus’ day. The religious leaders thought that looking good in front of people was vitally important. However, Jesus said they were hiding their true selves. He called them “whitewashed sepulchers; clean on the outside but full of dead men’s bones.”
Although the laws of God indicate He wants us to clean up the way we live, Jesus stressed that He expects more than external behavior. He said, “Blessed are the pure in heart” and “Love the Lord your God with all your heart.”
Living from the heart means being honest with God, ourselves and others. Psychologist Larry Crabb says that most people do not do this because we are terrified of complete self-exposure. Instead, we build layers to protect ourselves. These layers prevent others from knowing our inner thoughts and feelings.
Layers show up in our conversation. The deeper the layer, the shallower the topic. For instance, the most protective conversations are spoken in cliches. Some call it “weather talk.” Remove some layers and the next level of conversation becomes “reporting facts,” usually about external events or other people. This chitchat does not include personal or self-revealing statements.
Remove more layers and the conversation includes ideas and judgments. Even at this level, the person talking watches listeners carefully. If there is any indication they are not interested or do not agree, the speaker layers up again, retreating to chitchat, cliches or silence.
When we stop hiding behind layers, we can share our feelings and emotions and begin to reveal ourselves. This does not happen all the time or with everyone, but if it never happens, it indicates we have many protective layers and a deeply hidden personality. Those who hide themselves behind an “acceptable” exterior lack integrity, and depending what they are hiding, they may be living a terrible lie.
Jesus expresses deep concern for issues of the heart. He says “out of the heart comes evil thoughts,” and we know where evil thoughts can lead. We need to behave properly but can we really do it without guarding our hearts? Even if other people do not care if we harbor lust, greed, hatred, or anger, God does. He asks that we be transparent and honest with Him. When we confess both outer and inner sins, “He is faithful and just to forgive our sin and cleanse us from all unrighteousness.”
Simply put, He cleans up our hearts, and that purity affects the way we live. Someone with a clean heart is careful to stay away from layers. They are open and honest about their lives, including their inner life.
They are also safe if their parrot, or anyone who knows them, brings up their name in front of the town gossip!
Showing posts with label gossip. Show all posts
Showing posts with label gossip. Show all posts
Wednesday, May 30, 2018
Monday, June 26, 2017
What size are your ears? .......... Parables 606
August 4, 1998
Remember Pinnochio, the wooden puppet who wanted to be a real live boy? In the story, every time he told a lie, his nose grew.
A news item reports that our eyes are always the same size from birth but our nose and ears never stop growing. Having tried portrait painting, I am aware that a child’s eyes are huge compared to other features. I’ve also noticed when you look at a person’s profile, the length of the ears is the same as the nose. Age doesn’t matter.
That ears and noses never stop growing is a surprise. I suppose if they have to be the same size as each other, it makes sense if one grows, the other must grow also. At least this would keep our features looking somewhat balanced. What a curiosity. Why would we need continual growth to our nose and ears? When we get older, is there a need for increased nasal passages? Does our hearing improve if our ears keep getting bigger? There seems no reason for it.
From another angle, it would be interesting if we had the same type of affliction as Pinochio – only applied to hearing the wrong things, like gossip. Imagine our ears becoming larger whenever we listened to stories better left unheard. How helpful. We could easily identify those who can keep secrets and those who should never be told anything!
This news story makes me think about gossip. Idle talk is a universal activity. People in every culture and for centuries have been swapping stories about others, particularly those not involved in the conversation and who have not given permission for the telling.
As much as people like to gossip, no one wants others to gossip about them. Most of us agree that it is wrong and Christians know God says we should not do it. Before I read about it in the Bible, my grandmother said, “If you cannot say something nice, don’t say anything at all.”
Sometimes gossip begins innocently. We tell someone about another person’s troubles and ask them to pray for that person. If we stopped and prayed at that point, all would be well. However, talk easily slides to semi-disguised put-downs, ridicule or a judgmental evaluation. Job’s friends even did this to his face.
God does not take this universal activity lightly. It is listed with sins like jealousy, anger and arrogance. Slander (a closely related relative) is classified with greed, idolatry, adultery and sexual immorality. The Bible says, “A false witness will perish, and whoever listens to him will be destroyed forever.” (A variation says, ‘ . . . and the words of an obedient man will live on.’)
Gossip is wrong yet breaking the habit is seldom easy, especially if everyone else is doing it. My sister says she gets caught too, but sometimes stops herself with a little trick. She says, “I gossip about myself.”
Actually, she shows great insight. We need a certain core attitude before we can resist both gossip and slander. If we can tell stories about ourselves, particularly highlighting our weaknesses, mistakes, or short-comings, we usually have a healthy self-image. People with a strong sense of their own value do not need to tear someone down to build themselves up.
A healthy self-concept is rooted in deep confidence that God loves and accepts us and will meet all our needs. Since His opinion is primary and His care is certain, there is no need to prove anything or compete with others, much less tear them apart with gossip.
As for the ear/nose thing, I could check it out by measuring them every year. However, God says “life and death are in the power of the tongue” so that means another priority. By His grace, I’m working on putting a stop to the growth of gossip.
Remember Pinnochio, the wooden puppet who wanted to be a real live boy? In the story, every time he told a lie, his nose grew.
A news item reports that our eyes are always the same size from birth but our nose and ears never stop growing. Having tried portrait painting, I am aware that a child’s eyes are huge compared to other features. I’ve also noticed when you look at a person’s profile, the length of the ears is the same as the nose. Age doesn’t matter.
That ears and noses never stop growing is a surprise. I suppose if they have to be the same size as each other, it makes sense if one grows, the other must grow also. At least this would keep our features looking somewhat balanced. What a curiosity. Why would we need continual growth to our nose and ears? When we get older, is there a need for increased nasal passages? Does our hearing improve if our ears keep getting bigger? There seems no reason for it.
From another angle, it would be interesting if we had the same type of affliction as Pinochio – only applied to hearing the wrong things, like gossip. Imagine our ears becoming larger whenever we listened to stories better left unheard. How helpful. We could easily identify those who can keep secrets and those who should never be told anything!
This news story makes me think about gossip. Idle talk is a universal activity. People in every culture and for centuries have been swapping stories about others, particularly those not involved in the conversation and who have not given permission for the telling.
As much as people like to gossip, no one wants others to gossip about them. Most of us agree that it is wrong and Christians know God says we should not do it. Before I read about it in the Bible, my grandmother said, “If you cannot say something nice, don’t say anything at all.”
Sometimes gossip begins innocently. We tell someone about another person’s troubles and ask them to pray for that person. If we stopped and prayed at that point, all would be well. However, talk easily slides to semi-disguised put-downs, ridicule or a judgmental evaluation. Job’s friends even did this to his face.
God does not take this universal activity lightly. It is listed with sins like jealousy, anger and arrogance. Slander (a closely related relative) is classified with greed, idolatry, adultery and sexual immorality. The Bible says, “A false witness will perish, and whoever listens to him will be destroyed forever.” (A variation says, ‘ . . . and the words of an obedient man will live on.’)
Gossip is wrong yet breaking the habit is seldom easy, especially if everyone else is doing it. My sister says she gets caught too, but sometimes stops herself with a little trick. She says, “I gossip about myself.”
Actually, she shows great insight. We need a certain core attitude before we can resist both gossip and slander. If we can tell stories about ourselves, particularly highlighting our weaknesses, mistakes, or short-comings, we usually have a healthy self-image. People with a strong sense of their own value do not need to tear someone down to build themselves up.
A healthy self-concept is rooted in deep confidence that God loves and accepts us and will meet all our needs. Since His opinion is primary and His care is certain, there is no need to prove anything or compete with others, much less tear them apart with gossip.
As for the ear/nose thing, I could check it out by measuring them every year. However, God says “life and death are in the power of the tongue” so that means another priority. By His grace, I’m working on putting a stop to the growth of gossip.
Monday, June 2, 2014
Tattle tails ................................ Parables 125
One warm evening, when the air was still and sounds carried well, I heard children playing across the street. One called out, “I’m going to tell . . . ” The threat carried with it an unspoken “ . . . if you don’t smarten up and play the way I want you to play.”
We did it when we were kids. Sometimes my brothers used their superior strength unfairly against my sister and me, and won the game. It made us mad; so we told on them. Or we practiced a special sign language and made our secret plans in full view - infuriating them because they didn’t know what we were “saying” to each other; so they told on us. Or sometimes all four of us got into something we shouldn’t have and the first to realize it rationalized that if they did the telling, maybe they would not get the spanking; of course not minding if the other three did.
Siblings are not the only ones who “tell.” Our complaints against those who don’t “play the way we want” takes many forms, from writing to our ombudsman down to our national pastime, gossip.
After hearing the children, I began to wonder, is it ever right to tell? Are there times when some people need to know about the failures of others. What does God think about tattletales?
Several scriptures came to mind. One admonishes against gossip, telling the wives of church leaders to be sober-minded and faithful, not slanderers. The word actually means “to speak evil against.”
Another one, Ephesians 5:11-12, says, “ . . . Have no fellowship with the unfruitful works of darkness, but rather reprove them, for it is shameful even to speak of those things which are done by them in secret.” Christians are not even supposed to speak about the sinful things that people do, but go directly to the offenders and challenge them.
A third verse, Ephesians 4:29, says, “Do not let any corrupt communication come out of your mouth but only that which is good . . . to edify the hearers . . .” In other words, if something will not build up the listener in a godly way, don’t say it.
God gives commands, but they are not always easy to follow. For some people “telling” is almost as natural as breathing. One time I was going into a situation where everyone liked to “tell” on everyone else and I was inwardly dreading it. I didn’t want to gossip along with them and offend my conscience and my God, but I knew how easy it was to be caught up in what everyone else was doing. My sister gave me some advice: “Just gossip about yourself.”
After some reflection, I realized she meant I should freely be able to talk about my weaknesses and my shortcomings and not use gossip as an opportunity to put others beneath me. I tried it. Every time someone said something unkind about someone else, cutting them down with slander or criticism, I said something like this: “I have the same problem they do . . . I can’t overcome it at all unless I pray and get the Lord’s help or unless others will help me and pray for me.”
What a wet blanket! The juicy morsels of gossip dried up quicker than a shallow slough in summertime. After a while, the normal yackity-yak of that group gave way to silence. Maybe I spoiled their party, but I had a great time. Since that situation, I’ve not always been able to quench tattling that dramatically; sometimes I’m even guilty of starting it, yet I’ve never forgotten the lesson.
I’ve also learned that if someone genuinely isn’t playing the game right, God lets me realize it so I can either go to the offending person and help them overcome whatever they are doing, or at least pray for them, not run to others (or even accuse them to God) with “I’m going to tell . . .”
We did it when we were kids. Sometimes my brothers used their superior strength unfairly against my sister and me, and won the game. It made us mad; so we told on them. Or we practiced a special sign language and made our secret plans in full view - infuriating them because they didn’t know what we were “saying” to each other; so they told on us. Or sometimes all four of us got into something we shouldn’t have and the first to realize it rationalized that if they did the telling, maybe they would not get the spanking; of course not minding if the other three did.
Siblings are not the only ones who “tell.” Our complaints against those who don’t “play the way we want” takes many forms, from writing to our ombudsman down to our national pastime, gossip.
After hearing the children, I began to wonder, is it ever right to tell? Are there times when some people need to know about the failures of others. What does God think about tattletales?
Several scriptures came to mind. One admonishes against gossip, telling the wives of church leaders to be sober-minded and faithful, not slanderers. The word actually means “to speak evil against.”
Another one, Ephesians 5:11-12, says, “ . . . Have no fellowship with the unfruitful works of darkness, but rather reprove them, for it is shameful even to speak of those things which are done by them in secret.” Christians are not even supposed to speak about the sinful things that people do, but go directly to the offenders and challenge them.
A third verse, Ephesians 4:29, says, “Do not let any corrupt communication come out of your mouth but only that which is good . . . to edify the hearers . . .” In other words, if something will not build up the listener in a godly way, don’t say it.
God gives commands, but they are not always easy to follow. For some people “telling” is almost as natural as breathing. One time I was going into a situation where everyone liked to “tell” on everyone else and I was inwardly dreading it. I didn’t want to gossip along with them and offend my conscience and my God, but I knew how easy it was to be caught up in what everyone else was doing. My sister gave me some advice: “Just gossip about yourself.”
After some reflection, I realized she meant I should freely be able to talk about my weaknesses and my shortcomings and not use gossip as an opportunity to put others beneath me. I tried it. Every time someone said something unkind about someone else, cutting them down with slander or criticism, I said something like this: “I have the same problem they do . . . I can’t overcome it at all unless I pray and get the Lord’s help or unless others will help me and pray for me.”
What a wet blanket! The juicy morsels of gossip dried up quicker than a shallow slough in summertime. After a while, the normal yackity-yak of that group gave way to silence. Maybe I spoiled their party, but I had a great time. Since that situation, I’ve not always been able to quench tattling that dramatically; sometimes I’m even guilty of starting it, yet I’ve never forgotten the lesson.
I’ve also learned that if someone genuinely isn’t playing the game right, God lets me realize it so I can either go to the offending person and help them overcome whatever they are doing, or at least pray for them, not run to others (or even accuse them to God) with “I’m going to tell . . .”
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