December 24, 1996 ?
These days, marriages are not expected to last. Maybe that is why the demise of Elizabeth Taylor’s eighth union was not a significant headline. What gave the story some attention was the unusual settlement demands. Her latest ex-partner, Larry Fortensky, asked the millionaire actress to increase his monthly pay of $5,000. He claimed this amount only covered “bare expenses.”
According to Taylor, she filed for divorce because of “irreconcilable differences.” This usually means neither one of them would bend. Personal likes and dislikes were more important to them as individuals with “rights” than was harmony in their marriage, so they ended the marriage.
Traditionally, insistence on one’s own way is considered a mark of immaturity. Fortensky at a mere 44 years old, and Taylor who is 63 prove that maturity is not something that comes with age. Neither have learned to make personal sacrifices to benefit a relationship. For them, it seems easier to find someone else with whom to be compatible.
However, after eight tries, Taylor should know by now that compatibility is not an accident or a discovery. It takes work. Besides, if another person totally agrees with everything we think, say and do, one of us is unnecessary. Compatibility is not the key to a happy marriage anyway. Genuine commitment has far more “glue.”
However, commitment is not easy either. It requires work and determination. Incompatibility will always rear its wedge-shaped head. It has been a problem from the beginning of marriage. Genesis says God made man and woman, both in His image. They were like God and they loved each other, just as God loved them. However, their relationship did not stay that way.
Along came the tempter in the form of a serpent. He deceived Eve and both she and Adam turned away from God and fell into sin. They immediately realized their guilt and hid from God. When He sought them out, He told them their sin would have consequences. One of these was to Eve; God said that, “Your desire will be for your husband, and he will rule over you” (Genesis 3:16)
This “curse” has been interpreted in various ways but because it has the same wording as something God says to Cain in the next chapter, the best meaning seems to be, “You will desire to rule your husband but he will rule over you.”
Remember, this is a consequence of sin and a curse, not the marital harmony God intended. Some people call it the battle of the sexes. Despite our attraction to each other, there is something about the marriage relationship that proves Genesis 3:16 is a reality and it is actually sin, not gender differences, that is behind “irreconcilable differences.”
Sin makes people want their own way. Sin makes people manipulate and dominate others. For some reason, sin makes us think that we must have our own way or we will not be happy. Therefore, husbands dominate wives and wives resist by trying to have their own way.
How can this battle come to an end? Some don’t bother trying; they just fight. Others agree to disagree pleasantly. Some call a truce “for the sake of the kids.” Others put on a happy face and cover up their war. Liz and Larry ended it by divorce. None of these are God’s way.
God brings peace by dealing with causes. If sin causes wars, then the remedy for the wars is His remedy for sin, His Son, Jesus Christ. The Bible says, “God made Him who had no sin (Jesus) to be sin for us, so that in Him we might become the righteousness of God.”
Liz and Larry could take their irreconcilable differences to the Cross and give them to Jesus. He takes sin on Himself and bears it for us (even though it killed Him) and is then able to give to us His righteousness, a new nature. With it comes “love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control”, the kind of stuff that makes marriages work.
Showing posts with label total commitment. Show all posts
Showing posts with label total commitment. Show all posts
Wednesday, January 18, 2017
Wednesday, October 5, 2016
What happened to marriage? .......... Parables 493
November 28, 1995
A popular talk show host says three years in a marriage is a long time. Thousands of couples divorce within five years and many do not make it to their first anniversary.
What happened to marriage? One writer says commitment is the key to make marriage last, combined with seeing ourselves as givers. He says, “too many come to marriage looking for a handout, someone to take care of them, keep them happy, make up their deficiencies. They come with their umbilical cord in their hand looking for a place to plug it in.”
If commitment is key, whatever happened to commitment? Sociologists and psychologists may differ, but at the risk of oversimplification, maybe the problem is the current “if it feels good, do it” philosophy. Commitment eventually means weathering through some tough times. Too many want to leave “for better or worse” out of their vows.
The biggest ingredient in any commitment is seeing ourselves as givers. However, children are now encouraged to be takers. A mother told me her preschooler goes to many birthday parties and although the children are expected to give a gift, they each must go home with one. They even arrive with their hands out asking, “What do you have for me?”
Commitment and being a giver is easy when it feels good. Over a year ago, my husband and I made a commitment to bring my parents into our home and care for them. For several weeks, we discussed both pros and cons of such a move, anticipating some joy and a few difficulties. Although the joy is there, emotional benefits could never keep us going — some days being a care giver is simply not fun.
My mother holds a biblical philosophy: “No one is ever really happy unless they are doing something for someone else.” She is right, but emotional enthusiasm is an unstable base for decisions. Besides, as personal comfort fades into oblivion, my commitment level trembles and threatens to leave home with it. Some days I am desperate for privacy, or for moving at a faster pace, or for just a break in routine, yet commitment argues — you decided to do this! The decision to do something for others is always a matter of the will, not feelings.
Long term marriages work because there is a will to make them work and because each decides to give 100%. Giving is not a fifty/fifty, I-will-if-you-will proposition. Jesus would agree. He set His will to do the will of His Father (not a bad goal for couples) and determined that He would be a Giver, even if it killed Him.
And it did. As He anticipated the horror of the Cross, He sweat drops of blood and asked His Father if salvation could be accomplished some another way. Nevertheless, He added, “Not My will but Thine be done.”
Jesus obviously saw Himself as a Servant, totally willing to do whatever His Father asked. He fulfilled the role promised by the prophet Isaiah: “... My righteous Servant will justify many, and He will bear their iniquities.”
Jesus committed Himself as the Servant of His Father but His commitment was not joyless. The Bible says, “For the joy set before Him... He endured the Cross...” He has a happy heart because He kept His promise and served 100 per cent.
Jesus continues to keep His promises and still offers Himself as Lord and Savior. Those who unite themselves to Him find that He has His hand out but He is not looking for someone to care for Him. Rather, He cares for those who take His hand, keeps them happy, and makes up their deficiencies. He is the place where the needy can “plug in” — the One who enables couples to keep their vow “for better or worse, until death do us part.”
A popular talk show host says three years in a marriage is a long time. Thousands of couples divorce within five years and many do not make it to their first anniversary.
What happened to marriage? One writer says commitment is the key to make marriage last, combined with seeing ourselves as givers. He says, “too many come to marriage looking for a handout, someone to take care of them, keep them happy, make up their deficiencies. They come with their umbilical cord in their hand looking for a place to plug it in.”
If commitment is key, whatever happened to commitment? Sociologists and psychologists may differ, but at the risk of oversimplification, maybe the problem is the current “if it feels good, do it” philosophy. Commitment eventually means weathering through some tough times. Too many want to leave “for better or worse” out of their vows.
The biggest ingredient in any commitment is seeing ourselves as givers. However, children are now encouraged to be takers. A mother told me her preschooler goes to many birthday parties and although the children are expected to give a gift, they each must go home with one. They even arrive with their hands out asking, “What do you have for me?”
Commitment and being a giver is easy when it feels good. Over a year ago, my husband and I made a commitment to bring my parents into our home and care for them. For several weeks, we discussed both pros and cons of such a move, anticipating some joy and a few difficulties. Although the joy is there, emotional benefits could never keep us going — some days being a care giver is simply not fun.
My mother holds a biblical philosophy: “No one is ever really happy unless they are doing something for someone else.” She is right, but emotional enthusiasm is an unstable base for decisions. Besides, as personal comfort fades into oblivion, my commitment level trembles and threatens to leave home with it. Some days I am desperate for privacy, or for moving at a faster pace, or for just a break in routine, yet commitment argues — you decided to do this! The decision to do something for others is always a matter of the will, not feelings.
Long term marriages work because there is a will to make them work and because each decides to give 100%. Giving is not a fifty/fifty, I-will-if-you-will proposition. Jesus would agree. He set His will to do the will of His Father (not a bad goal for couples) and determined that He would be a Giver, even if it killed Him.
And it did. As He anticipated the horror of the Cross, He sweat drops of blood and asked His Father if salvation could be accomplished some another way. Nevertheless, He added, “Not My will but Thine be done.”
Jesus obviously saw Himself as a Servant, totally willing to do whatever His Father asked. He fulfilled the role promised by the prophet Isaiah: “... My righteous Servant will justify many, and He will bear their iniquities.”
Jesus committed Himself as the Servant of His Father but His commitment was not joyless. The Bible says, “For the joy set before Him... He endured the Cross...” He has a happy heart because He kept His promise and served 100 per cent.
Jesus continues to keep His promises and still offers Himself as Lord and Savior. Those who unite themselves to Him find that He has His hand out but He is not looking for someone to care for Him. Rather, He cares for those who take His hand, keeps them happy, and makes up their deficiencies. He is the place where the needy can “plug in” — the One who enables couples to keep their vow “for better or worse, until death do us part.”
Wednesday, December 17, 2014
Is this dream from God? ................. Parables 210
(March 28, 1990)
A certain poor farmer enthusiastically approached a preacher and told him he would like to serve God. The preacher, testing the farmer’s commitment, asked, “Sir, if you had 100 cows, would you give 50 of them to the Lord?”
The farmer said, “Of course I would. I would gladly give 50 cows.”
The preacher went on, “If you had 50 cows, would you give 25?”
The farmer eagerly nodded. “Yes, sir, I would give 25.”
Then the preacher said, “If you had two cows, would you give one?”
At that point, the farmer backed off. “Now that’s not fair. I only have two cows.”
My dreams start out like that sometimes -- big. They look and sound fantastic, even if I can’t pull them off. I don’t have 100 cows either! But this doesn’t mean Christians shouldn’t dream big. We have a big God, One who can do the impossible. He made something out of nothing when He created our world and His power is clearly visible in the winds, the seas and the elements He controls.
We also have seen His work in the spiritual realm. He is able to bring even the most vile to their knees, confessing Christ as Lord. He changes lives. He has, through revival preaching and the power of His Spirit, turned the population of entire cities to righteousness. And He can wipe out whole nations who refuse to acknowledge Him. Surely our God is big enough for our biggest dreams. But is He big enough for the little ones?
I have to admit, big dreams are fun, far more fun than small ones. Grand plans can be held out at arm’s length where I can admire my own ingenuity... Imagine that -- I dreamed such a scheme. No pain in that... No perspiration either. Maybe that’s why most of us don’t dream little... it may mean work.
Someone once said, “All great plans eventually deteriorate into hard work.” That hits the farmer, and most of us, right where we live. It is easy to be generous with funds that I don’t have, boast great loyalties that are not challenged, and imagine doing marvelous service in realms not open to me. When I do that, I’m forgetting a Biblical principle from Luke 19. The basic idea is: if anyone is faithful in a small thing, he will be given greater responsibility.
We use that idea in rearing our children. If they prove themselves capable of taking care of a tricycle, we get them a two-wheeler, then a ten speed. In the realm of dreams, even the largest of them must begin somewhere. In fact, a dream is sort of like painting the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel. Michelangelo had to start with one small brush stroke, then another, and another.
However, sometimes my dreams are just ridiculous. When they are, God often leads me to the example of Israel’s King David: “My heart is not proud, O Lord, my eyes are not haughty; I do not concern myself with great matters or things too wonderful for me. But I have stilled and quieted my soul; like a weaned child with its mother... is my soul within me.” My God knows I often need to come down to earth and dream a little more realistically.
However, some dreams could be ideas from heaven. If so, their size brings fear and trepidation, or even laughter. The elephant is too big to eat, our knife and fork much too puny. Should that be the case, the words of Jesus address the need: “With men this is impossible; but with God all things are possible.”
The bottom line for dreamers is this --- check first the heart. Do I need to “wake up,” come off my cloud and get doing what I CAN do? Or is the dream one of those won’t-go-away nudges, a thing that just can’t be put out of mind, even though it seems impossible? If that is what the dream is like, maybe all God is asking is a small beginning.
A certain poor farmer enthusiastically approached a preacher and told him he would like to serve God. The preacher, testing the farmer’s commitment, asked, “Sir, if you had 100 cows, would you give 50 of them to the Lord?”
The farmer said, “Of course I would. I would gladly give 50 cows.”
The preacher went on, “If you had 50 cows, would you give 25?”
The farmer eagerly nodded. “Yes, sir, I would give 25.”
Then the preacher said, “If you had two cows, would you give one?”
At that point, the farmer backed off. “Now that’s not fair. I only have two cows.”
My dreams start out like that sometimes -- big. They look and sound fantastic, even if I can’t pull them off. I don’t have 100 cows either! But this doesn’t mean Christians shouldn’t dream big. We have a big God, One who can do the impossible. He made something out of nothing when He created our world and His power is clearly visible in the winds, the seas and the elements He controls.
We also have seen His work in the spiritual realm. He is able to bring even the most vile to their knees, confessing Christ as Lord. He changes lives. He has, through revival preaching and the power of His Spirit, turned the population of entire cities to righteousness. And He can wipe out whole nations who refuse to acknowledge Him. Surely our God is big enough for our biggest dreams. But is He big enough for the little ones?
I have to admit, big dreams are fun, far more fun than small ones. Grand plans can be held out at arm’s length where I can admire my own ingenuity... Imagine that -- I dreamed such a scheme. No pain in that... No perspiration either. Maybe that’s why most of us don’t dream little... it may mean work.
Someone once said, “All great plans eventually deteriorate into hard work.” That hits the farmer, and most of us, right where we live. It is easy to be generous with funds that I don’t have, boast great loyalties that are not challenged, and imagine doing marvelous service in realms not open to me. When I do that, I’m forgetting a Biblical principle from Luke 19. The basic idea is: if anyone is faithful in a small thing, he will be given greater responsibility.
We use that idea in rearing our children. If they prove themselves capable of taking care of a tricycle, we get them a two-wheeler, then a ten speed. In the realm of dreams, even the largest of them must begin somewhere. In fact, a dream is sort of like painting the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel. Michelangelo had to start with one small brush stroke, then another, and another.
However, sometimes my dreams are just ridiculous. When they are, God often leads me to the example of Israel’s King David: “My heart is not proud, O Lord, my eyes are not haughty; I do not concern myself with great matters or things too wonderful for me. But I have stilled and quieted my soul; like a weaned child with its mother... is my soul within me.” My God knows I often need to come down to earth and dream a little more realistically.
However, some dreams could be ideas from heaven. If so, their size brings fear and trepidation, or even laughter. The elephant is too big to eat, our knife and fork much too puny. Should that be the case, the words of Jesus address the need: “With men this is impossible; but with God all things are possible.”
The bottom line for dreamers is this --- check first the heart. Do I need to “wake up,” come off my cloud and get doing what I CAN do? Or is the dream one of those won’t-go-away nudges, a thing that just can’t be put out of mind, even though it seems impossible? If that is what the dream is like, maybe all God is asking is a small beginning.
Monday, February 10, 2014
Get in the wheel barrow ..................... Parables 078
A man pushed a wheel barrow across a wire stretched over Niagara Falls. The crowds cheered his daring stunt. After he came back across the wire, he stopped to talk to his audience and asked them one after another, “Do you believe that I can do that again?”
Most of them said, “Of course... you did it so easily already.”
But when the daredevil asked his next question, “Would you ride in the wheel barrow the next time?” all the “believers” suddenly lost their faith.
Did they even really believe in the first place? Perhaps in a general way. As long as the faith they had did not personally involve them, they were sure that he could do it; but when he asked them to prove that they really believed in him - enough to commit their life to him - no one did.
A great many people, some even professing Christians, have this kind of faith. There is a general belief that Jesus Christ lived, died, rose from the dead, and is able to save people from sin... period.
This is a Sunday-religion; it gives a certain amount of space and time to the external matters, and returns a certain amount of respectability. Any twinge of conscience toward God or concerning sin, and the answer comes easily, “Oh, but I go to church every Sunday” or “Of course I believe in God.” Jesus was followed by many with this “faith”. (See John 6:22-66) They eagerly crowded around Him, enjoying His miracles - especially when they were fed as a result. Eventually Jesus asked for a deeper commitment. He told them they needed to put their trust in Him. He asked them to partake of Him (not just His blessings), and said that He was “the bread of life”; anyone who would “eat this bread” would live forever. At that point, “many of His disciples went back and walked no more with Him.”
Sad to say, most people these days who dally in Christianity (but never trust their life to Christ) are seldom confronted concerning the depth of their commitment. Many well-meaning Christians are afraid to use spiritual discernment in such cases lest they become guilty of “judging” others.
But Paul warns genuine Christians about this kind of pretense. He says these people may “have a form of godliness” but they “deny the power of God” and are not to be welcomed but shunned (2 Timothy 3:5). Because they walk with only one foot in the wheel barrow, the religious lukewarm often block the sincere efforts of others who want to trust Christ but stumble over such obvious hypocrisy.
Besides that, these who only stand and watch need to realize how important it is to “get in the wheelbarrow.” Jesus Christ is the only One who can take them across this temporary life to everlasting life with the Father on the other side.
Most of them said, “Of course... you did it so easily already.”
But when the daredevil asked his next question, “Would you ride in the wheel barrow the next time?” all the “believers” suddenly lost their faith.
Did they even really believe in the first place? Perhaps in a general way. As long as the faith they had did not personally involve them, they were sure that he could do it; but when he asked them to prove that they really believed in him - enough to commit their life to him - no one did.
A great many people, some even professing Christians, have this kind of faith. There is a general belief that Jesus Christ lived, died, rose from the dead, and is able to save people from sin... period.
This is a Sunday-religion; it gives a certain amount of space and time to the external matters, and returns a certain amount of respectability. Any twinge of conscience toward God or concerning sin, and the answer comes easily, “Oh, but I go to church every Sunday” or “Of course I believe in God.” Jesus was followed by many with this “faith”. (See John 6:22-66) They eagerly crowded around Him, enjoying His miracles - especially when they were fed as a result. Eventually Jesus asked for a deeper commitment. He told them they needed to put their trust in Him. He asked them to partake of Him (not just His blessings), and said that He was “the bread of life”; anyone who would “eat this bread” would live forever. At that point, “many of His disciples went back and walked no more with Him.”
Sad to say, most people these days who dally in Christianity (but never trust their life to Christ) are seldom confronted concerning the depth of their commitment. Many well-meaning Christians are afraid to use spiritual discernment in such cases lest they become guilty of “judging” others.
But Paul warns genuine Christians about this kind of pretense. He says these people may “have a form of godliness” but they “deny the power of God” and are not to be welcomed but shunned (2 Timothy 3:5). Because they walk with only one foot in the wheel barrow, the religious lukewarm often block the sincere efforts of others who want to trust Christ but stumble over such obvious hypocrisy.
Besides that, these who only stand and watch need to realize how important it is to “get in the wheelbarrow.” Jesus Christ is the only One who can take them across this temporary life to everlasting life with the Father on the other side.
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