November 28, 1995
A popular talk show host says three years in a marriage is a long time. Thousands of couples divorce within five years and many do not make it to their first anniversary.
What happened to marriage? One writer says commitment is the key to make marriage last, combined with seeing ourselves as givers. He says, “too many come to marriage looking for a handout, someone to take care of them, keep them happy, make up their deficiencies. They come with their umbilical cord in their hand looking for a place to plug it in.”
If commitment is key, whatever happened to commitment? Sociologists and psychologists may differ, but at the risk of oversimplification, maybe the problem is the current “if it feels good, do it” philosophy. Commitment eventually means weathering through some tough times. Too many want to leave “for better or worse” out of their vows.
The biggest ingredient in any commitment is seeing ourselves as givers. However, children are now encouraged to be takers. A mother told me her preschooler goes to many birthday parties and although the children are expected to give a gift, they each must go home with one. They even arrive with their hands out asking, “What do you have for me?”
Commitment and being a giver is easy when it feels good. Over a year ago, my husband and I made a commitment to bring my parents into our home and care for them. For several weeks, we discussed both pros and cons of such a move, anticipating some joy and a few difficulties. Although the joy is there, emotional benefits could never keep us going — some days being a care giver is simply not fun.
My mother holds a biblical philosophy: “No one is ever really happy unless they are doing something for someone else.” She is right, but emotional enthusiasm is an unstable base for decisions. Besides, as personal comfort fades into oblivion, my commitment level trembles and threatens to leave home with it. Some days I am desperate for privacy, or for moving at a faster pace, or for just a break in routine, yet commitment argues — you decided to do this! The decision to do something for others is always a matter of the will, not feelings.
Long term marriages work because there is a will to make them work and because each decides to give 100%. Giving is not a fifty/fifty, I-will-if-you-will proposition. Jesus would agree. He set His will to do the will of His Father (not a bad goal for couples) and determined that He would be a Giver, even if it killed Him.
And it did. As He anticipated the horror of the Cross, He sweat drops of blood and asked His Father if salvation could be accomplished some another way. Nevertheless, He added, “Not My will but Thine be done.”
Jesus obviously saw Himself as a Servant, totally willing to do whatever His Father asked. He fulfilled the role promised by the prophet Isaiah: “... My righteous Servant will justify many, and He will bear their iniquities.”
Jesus committed Himself as the Servant of His Father but His commitment was not joyless. The Bible says, “For the joy set before Him... He endured the Cross...” He has a happy heart because He kept His promise and served 100 per cent.
Jesus continues to keep His promises and still offers Himself as Lord and Savior. Those who unite themselves to Him find that He has His hand out but He is not looking for someone to care for Him. Rather, He cares for those who take His hand, keeps them happy, and makes up their deficiencies. He is the place where the needy can “plug in” — the One who enables couples to keep their vow “for better or worse, until death do us part.”
Showing posts with label faithfulness. Show all posts
Showing posts with label faithfulness. Show all posts
Wednesday, October 5, 2016
Monday, April 13, 2015
Good from evil .............. Parables 260
(March 27, 1991)
A few years ago the brothers of a young man felt extremely threatened by his leadership abilities so they plotted to kill him. Somehow their plan was bungled but they didn’t realize it; he didn’t die, but did leave the country. In his new location, the ambitious young man soon had a job. He worked hard and achieved a position of responsibility. Then hard luck hit him again. This time his boss’s wife tried to seduce him. Since he was upright and moral, her efforts didn’t succeed, however the scorned seductress was upset and retaliated. She accused him before her husband of attempted rape. Her husband was furious and the young man went to prison.
Confinement didn’t turn our hero sour though. Soon his unique skills were appreciated by a couple of prison mates. Later, one of them was released and was working for a man of prominence who had a special problem. He remembered this young fellow back in prison and told his boss he knew someone who could solve the problem. So our hero was released from prison and given a job offer of considerable significance. He began planning and making investments intended to profit both his new employer and his new country.
In the meantime, severe famine conditions developed in both this country and in his homeland. His family lost everything. Destitute and starving, his brothers decided they needed to relocate if they were going to survive. Oddly enough, they traveled to the same country in which their brother now lived. To make a long story short, he was the person with means and authority who could feed them and meet their financial difficulties.
Of course they were terrified when they realized this benefactor was their brother whom they had betrayed. They were certain he would retaliate. He had every right to -- but he didn’t. In fact, when he told them he would take care of them, he gave them this reason for his actions: “You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good, to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives. So then, don’t be afraid. I will provide for you and your children.” And he spoke kindly to them.
In case you have not guessed, the young man was Joseph, the biblical lad who was given a coat of many colors. He was left for dead by his jealous brothers and became a leader in Egypt, prudently storing grain before a famine. As a result, there was enough, not only for Egypt but to feed the huge family of his father, Jacob, who later came searching for food.
As I considered an action someone took against me (that was intended for evil), this story of Joseph came to mind. My situation did not involve a plot to murder me (at least I don’t think it did), but it was like Joseph’s in that the consequences seemed unbearable for me. What about the one who sinned?
The Bible says the results of evil are hardly ever what anyone could call good, especially for those who commit the deeds. If the guilty persons are Christians, there will be chastening (Hebrews 12). If they are not, “the wages of sin is death,” meaning separation from God for eternity. Evil doesn’t pay.
So how does it work for the one sinned against? Do we have to bear the bitter consequences too? Not all the time. Joseph’s story shows that God is bigger than sin and can work behind the scenes to reverse the sinner’s intended results. His brothers wanted Joseph’s destruction, but God worked it for good, both for Joseph and for them!
The supreme example is the crucifixion of Jesus Christ. He was an innocent victim whose enemies determined to destroy Him — this had to be the greatest sin. Yet out of it, God worked the greatest good... the crime committed became His means of redemption for sinners. Surely such a God can be trusted, even with whatever our enemies might try to do against us.
A few years ago the brothers of a young man felt extremely threatened by his leadership abilities so they plotted to kill him. Somehow their plan was bungled but they didn’t realize it; he didn’t die, but did leave the country. In his new location, the ambitious young man soon had a job. He worked hard and achieved a position of responsibility. Then hard luck hit him again. This time his boss’s wife tried to seduce him. Since he was upright and moral, her efforts didn’t succeed, however the scorned seductress was upset and retaliated. She accused him before her husband of attempted rape. Her husband was furious and the young man went to prison.
Confinement didn’t turn our hero sour though. Soon his unique skills were appreciated by a couple of prison mates. Later, one of them was released and was working for a man of prominence who had a special problem. He remembered this young fellow back in prison and told his boss he knew someone who could solve the problem. So our hero was released from prison and given a job offer of considerable significance. He began planning and making investments intended to profit both his new employer and his new country.
In the meantime, severe famine conditions developed in both this country and in his homeland. His family lost everything. Destitute and starving, his brothers decided they needed to relocate if they were going to survive. Oddly enough, they traveled to the same country in which their brother now lived. To make a long story short, he was the person with means and authority who could feed them and meet their financial difficulties.
Of course they were terrified when they realized this benefactor was their brother whom they had betrayed. They were certain he would retaliate. He had every right to -- but he didn’t. In fact, when he told them he would take care of them, he gave them this reason for his actions: “You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good, to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives. So then, don’t be afraid. I will provide for you and your children.” And he spoke kindly to them.
In case you have not guessed, the young man was Joseph, the biblical lad who was given a coat of many colors. He was left for dead by his jealous brothers and became a leader in Egypt, prudently storing grain before a famine. As a result, there was enough, not only for Egypt but to feed the huge family of his father, Jacob, who later came searching for food.
As I considered an action someone took against me (that was intended for evil), this story of Joseph came to mind. My situation did not involve a plot to murder me (at least I don’t think it did), but it was like Joseph’s in that the consequences seemed unbearable for me. What about the one who sinned?
The Bible says the results of evil are hardly ever what anyone could call good, especially for those who commit the deeds. If the guilty persons are Christians, there will be chastening (Hebrews 12). If they are not, “the wages of sin is death,” meaning separation from God for eternity. Evil doesn’t pay.
So how does it work for the one sinned against? Do we have to bear the bitter consequences too? Not all the time. Joseph’s story shows that God is bigger than sin and can work behind the scenes to reverse the sinner’s intended results. His brothers wanted Joseph’s destruction, but God worked it for good, both for Joseph and for them!
The supreme example is the crucifixion of Jesus Christ. He was an innocent victim whose enemies determined to destroy Him — this had to be the greatest sin. Yet out of it, God worked the greatest good... the crime committed became His means of redemption for sinners. Surely such a God can be trusted, even with whatever our enemies might try to do against us.
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