December 19, 2000
A sign on a church reads “No God — No Peace. Know God — Know Peace.”
After a restless night, do you ever struggle out of bed in the morning complaining and muttering, “There’s just no rest for the wicked”? It may be a clique but that line actually comes from Scripture. In context, God is describing the rebellion of His people when they refused to follow His directions. He finishes His description with “There is no peace,” says the Lord, “for the wicked.”
Some versions use the word “rest” but either way, lack of peace or lack of rest describes the agitation of heart felt by anyone with a guilty conscience.
In spite of popular psychology, feeling guilty is not always a bad thing. It is like pain. If we did not feel pain when touching a hot stove, the burn would cause physical harm. Pain makes us stop touching the stove. Guilt is similar. When we do something contrary to our convictions, guilt helps us stop doing it. Without that agitation, we would cause harm to ourselves and others. Guilt also encourages us to fix the mess that our wrong actions have produced.
Guilt does have its drawbacks. One of them is that we tend to measure it by how bad we feel. That is, if someone feels badly for taking pencils from the boss but the fellow in the next desk feels nothing, then that person is apt to say, “It may be wrong for you but it’s okay for me.”
Such relativistic thinking dismisses all objective standards regarding morality. It says God’s opinion is not important or at best, is open to personal interpretation. That’s just another way of saying, “I don’t care what anyone thinks, even God. I will do what I want to do.”
Christians hold God and His Word as our standard, yet guilt is still tricky. Sometimes we do the right thing but feel guilty if someone doesn’t like what we did. That happens if our goals slip into a desire to please people. If someone is not pleased, then we have failed our goal and will say we feel guilty. As long as we did nothing wrong, this is a “false guilt.”
It gets trickier. True guilt, under the objective standards of God, does not always produce that inner agitation or lack of inner peace. We can break God’s law in ignorance, something like we can drive over the speed limit with a broken speedometer. If that happens, we may not realize we have broken the law because we can’t see (or feel) anything, but we are still guilty of doing it.
Obviously, if we rely on our feelings only to tell us about guilt, we can be mistaken. Not only that, if someone tells us we are guilty but we didn’t feel any guilt, we might refuse to see or admit it. We could say, “But everyone else does it” or “It’s really not that bad.”
Most people could not dismiss speed limits without considering how that would affect lives—our highways are already littered with victims—but our society tosses out objective standards and replaces them with personal opinions, personal preferences, and subjective feelings, then dares to say we are free from “Victorian” restraints. Some call this “progress.”
Lack of civil, criminal, and even traffic laws produces confusion, anarchy, and death but lack of moral law produces progress? Take another look. The price of dropping God’s standards is far more than lack of sleep, a vague sense of unrest, or an argument over who is right and who is wrong. It is out-of-control moral chaos.
Lord, the Bible says You “laugh at the wicked for you know their day is coming” and promises justice for those who do right. It is not easy to live an upright life in a world where right and wrong are measured mostly by what people want. God, help me to know what You want and then give me the courage to do it.
Showing posts with label reasons for guilt. Show all posts
Showing posts with label reasons for guilt. Show all posts
Monday, January 29, 2018
Monday, January 30, 2017
Abuse and feelings of guilt .......... Parables 543
January 21, 1997?
Events of the past few weeks shock and sadden sports fans as one player after another confesses to being a victim of abuse. Counseling services report this is only the beginning.
As sport organizers work to put structures in place that may help prevent future occurrences, they are also concerned that pain-filled victims are properly treated. We know they do need to come forward and acknowledge their ugly memories to someone who can help them. The goal is not to sensationalize their situation but that healing may begin. While most realize healing requires more than telling someone, saying it out loud is the first step.
Along with the pain of being a victim, abused people often feel guilty. Some argue it is a false guilt because these people were not willing participants so they should not feel guilty. On the other hand, a person unfamiliar with the power of emotional and psychological manipulation might suggest that “victims” have will of their own and should have said “no.”
Whether or not that is true is not for us to judge. However, even there is some truth in it, the principle of “telling someone” works for real and false guilt as well as for healing emotional damage.
If the problems were purely physical ailments such as coughing blood, or dizzy spells, or constant knee pain, few people would insist that they are not sick. To do so practically guarantees they will remain unhealthy. Unless we acknowledge something is wrong, we cannot or will not take steps to make it right.
If the pain is emotional, acknowledgment is also vital. If I am angry and someone asks me about it, the way to ensure continued pain is by snapping, “I’m not mad.” However, if I want to change my emotional state, I need to admit it exists, to own it.
This principle is important for crisis counseling. An emotionally upset person has difficulty thinking clearly and making decisions. A wise counselor will defuse those emotions by helping the upset person say, or own up to, how he or she feels. Often just expressing emotions robs them of much of their power.
Guilt works in a similar way. For instance, if the speed limit is 90 kph and I drive 120 kph, I am guilty of exceeding the speed limit. It does not matter if I make an excuse or claim extenuating circumstances or did not notice I was speeding. Being ignorant of the law or its violation does not change the facts. I drove over the limit and am therefore guilty. Admitting it is the first step toward an end to that problem.
Moral guilt usually means breaking the laws of God. For example, God says I must not covet or want something that rightfully does not or cannot belong to me. If I do, I have broken the law of God. As long as I will not admit it, there is no hope of change and the act of coveting will begin to damage me and other people.
That is why the Bible says, “He who covers his sin shall not prosper.” In the case of coveting, I could obsessed with the forbidden thing, even to my ruin. I would be far better to face the fact of my guilt and admit the problem. When I do, God begins to heal me of my sin.
In some cases, a victimized person tells all to get even, to hurt the perpetrator, but those injured by emotional manipulation and sexual abuse often try to cover it up. They feel unclean, dirty, as if they were guilty themselves. Perhaps in such cases, rather than trying to assess those emotions or decide if those feelings of guilt are warranted, it would be better to simply confess they exist.
When we tell God about our feelings of guilt, He honors our honesty. He also knows the difference between true and false guilt so at the point of our telling, He offers us whatever we need.
Events of the past few weeks shock and sadden sports fans as one player after another confesses to being a victim of abuse. Counseling services report this is only the beginning.
As sport organizers work to put structures in place that may help prevent future occurrences, they are also concerned that pain-filled victims are properly treated. We know they do need to come forward and acknowledge their ugly memories to someone who can help them. The goal is not to sensationalize their situation but that healing may begin. While most realize healing requires more than telling someone, saying it out loud is the first step.
Along with the pain of being a victim, abused people often feel guilty. Some argue it is a false guilt because these people were not willing participants so they should not feel guilty. On the other hand, a person unfamiliar with the power of emotional and psychological manipulation might suggest that “victims” have will of their own and should have said “no.”
Whether or not that is true is not for us to judge. However, even there is some truth in it, the principle of “telling someone” works for real and false guilt as well as for healing emotional damage.
If the problems were purely physical ailments such as coughing blood, or dizzy spells, or constant knee pain, few people would insist that they are not sick. To do so practically guarantees they will remain unhealthy. Unless we acknowledge something is wrong, we cannot or will not take steps to make it right.
If the pain is emotional, acknowledgment is also vital. If I am angry and someone asks me about it, the way to ensure continued pain is by snapping, “I’m not mad.” However, if I want to change my emotional state, I need to admit it exists, to own it.
This principle is important for crisis counseling. An emotionally upset person has difficulty thinking clearly and making decisions. A wise counselor will defuse those emotions by helping the upset person say, or own up to, how he or she feels. Often just expressing emotions robs them of much of their power.
Guilt works in a similar way. For instance, if the speed limit is 90 kph and I drive 120 kph, I am guilty of exceeding the speed limit. It does not matter if I make an excuse or claim extenuating circumstances or did not notice I was speeding. Being ignorant of the law or its violation does not change the facts. I drove over the limit and am therefore guilty. Admitting it is the first step toward an end to that problem.
Moral guilt usually means breaking the laws of God. For example, God says I must not covet or want something that rightfully does not or cannot belong to me. If I do, I have broken the law of God. As long as I will not admit it, there is no hope of change and the act of coveting will begin to damage me and other people.
That is why the Bible says, “He who covers his sin shall not prosper.” In the case of coveting, I could obsessed with the forbidden thing, even to my ruin. I would be far better to face the fact of my guilt and admit the problem. When I do, God begins to heal me of my sin.
In some cases, a victimized person tells all to get even, to hurt the perpetrator, but those injured by emotional manipulation and sexual abuse often try to cover it up. They feel unclean, dirty, as if they were guilty themselves. Perhaps in such cases, rather than trying to assess those emotions or decide if those feelings of guilt are warranted, it would be better to simply confess they exist.
When we tell God about our feelings of guilt, He honors our honesty. He also knows the difference between true and false guilt so at the point of our telling, He offers us whatever we need.
Friday, September 30, 2016
Guilty? .......... Parables 491
November 14, 1995
A young woman is distraught: “I feel guilty all the time. What is wrong with me? I am a Christian, but no matter what I do, it seems as if it is never enough.”
Guilt and guilty feelings are complex. A person can unknowingly violate a law or a standard, like speeding without looking at the speedometer, and not feel any twinge of guilt. In such cases, lack of feelings or awareness does not change the facts — they are guilty.
On the other hand, being aware of doing wrong may or may not produce guilty feelings. If a person tells lies often enough, and excuses them every time, soon their conscience becomes hard and they can lie without it bothering them.
In contrast, guilt lands hard on a sensitive conscience. The offender cannot think of enough ways to apologize or make up for what was done, even though other people simply acknowledge or confess their wrongs, make them right, and their guilty feelings vanish.
There is also such a thing as false guilt — feeling guilty when no wrong has actually been committed. It happens when we take on more responsibility for real or perceived wrongs than actually belongs to us.
In all these cases, guilt is a symptom. Some wrong needs to be confessed and corrected, but it is not necessarily a wrong action. The person who feels guilt may need to deal with a conditioned conscience, faulty thinking, false teaching or unrealistic expectations.
For instance, guilt traps us if we fear human rejection. Proverbs says, “The fear of man will prove to be a snare.” People-pleasers focus not on God but human approval and always feel inadequate because it is impossible to please everyone.
Another example is children who are raised without praise and grow to adulthood driven by a deep need for approval. Without recognizing their motivation to please parents (who may be absent or even dead) they strive, always feeling as if they “never do enough.”
False guilt can also come to Christians who assume God is displeased unless we meet certain standards or follow certain rules. “Legalism” results in guilt because the Gospel never allows for our “doing” to be enough to please God. Anyone who takes their eyes off the fact “we are saved by grace through faith, not our works,” and that we “all fall short of the glory of God”, soon becomes hopelessly disappointed in themselves.
Even if we could keep His laws perfectly, the Bible says we cannot achieve right standing before Him in that manner. Instead, God is pleased by faith and by the actions that flow from it, not from guilt. The Bible explains, “Just as you received Christ Jesus as Lord, continue to live in Him, rooted and built up in Him.” In other words, we live the same way we are saved — by faith.
False guilt also flows from a proud assumption of being indispensable. Anyone who tries to do more than God calls or gifts them to do has an ego problem or “messiah complex.” The answer for that “guilt” is also in Christ. He did not preach to every person or convince every sinner that He was the Messiah. He simply did the will of His Father and was able to say, “I have completed the work You gave me to do.”
As far as true guilt, the Bible says all have sinned, whether guilt is felt or not. God bids everyone to confess their sin, turn from it to Christ and follow Him. His grace puts Christ’s righteousness on us, setting us free from guilt and making us His own child.
When Christians sin, they confess to God who continually “forgives our sin and cleanses us from all unrighteousness” — on the basis of what Christ has done, not our efforts. In Him, there is no further condemnation but free and complete acceptance.
A young woman is distraught: “I feel guilty all the time. What is wrong with me? I am a Christian, but no matter what I do, it seems as if it is never enough.”
Guilt and guilty feelings are complex. A person can unknowingly violate a law or a standard, like speeding without looking at the speedometer, and not feel any twinge of guilt. In such cases, lack of feelings or awareness does not change the facts — they are guilty.
On the other hand, being aware of doing wrong may or may not produce guilty feelings. If a person tells lies often enough, and excuses them every time, soon their conscience becomes hard and they can lie without it bothering them.
In contrast, guilt lands hard on a sensitive conscience. The offender cannot think of enough ways to apologize or make up for what was done, even though other people simply acknowledge or confess their wrongs, make them right, and their guilty feelings vanish.
There is also such a thing as false guilt — feeling guilty when no wrong has actually been committed. It happens when we take on more responsibility for real or perceived wrongs than actually belongs to us.
In all these cases, guilt is a symptom. Some wrong needs to be confessed and corrected, but it is not necessarily a wrong action. The person who feels guilt may need to deal with a conditioned conscience, faulty thinking, false teaching or unrealistic expectations.
For instance, guilt traps us if we fear human rejection. Proverbs says, “The fear of man will prove to be a snare.” People-pleasers focus not on God but human approval and always feel inadequate because it is impossible to please everyone.
Another example is children who are raised without praise and grow to adulthood driven by a deep need for approval. Without recognizing their motivation to please parents (who may be absent or even dead) they strive, always feeling as if they “never do enough.”
False guilt can also come to Christians who assume God is displeased unless we meet certain standards or follow certain rules. “Legalism” results in guilt because the Gospel never allows for our “doing” to be enough to please God. Anyone who takes their eyes off the fact “we are saved by grace through faith, not our works,” and that we “all fall short of the glory of God”, soon becomes hopelessly disappointed in themselves.
Even if we could keep His laws perfectly, the Bible says we cannot achieve right standing before Him in that manner. Instead, God is pleased by faith and by the actions that flow from it, not from guilt. The Bible explains, “Just as you received Christ Jesus as Lord, continue to live in Him, rooted and built up in Him.” In other words, we live the same way we are saved — by faith.
False guilt also flows from a proud assumption of being indispensable. Anyone who tries to do more than God calls or gifts them to do has an ego problem or “messiah complex.” The answer for that “guilt” is also in Christ. He did not preach to every person or convince every sinner that He was the Messiah. He simply did the will of His Father and was able to say, “I have completed the work You gave me to do.”
As far as true guilt, the Bible says all have sinned, whether guilt is felt or not. God bids everyone to confess their sin, turn from it to Christ and follow Him. His grace puts Christ’s righteousness on us, setting us free from guilt and making us His own child.
When Christians sin, they confess to God who continually “forgives our sin and cleanses us from all unrighteousness” — on the basis of what Christ has done, not our efforts. In Him, there is no further condemnation but free and complete acceptance.
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