January 21, 1997?
Events of the past few weeks shock and sadden sports fans as one player after another confesses to being a victim of abuse. Counseling services report this is only the beginning.
As sport organizers work to put structures in place that may help prevent future occurrences, they are also concerned that pain-filled victims are properly treated. We know they do need to come forward and acknowledge their ugly memories to someone who can help them. The goal is not to sensationalize their situation but that healing may begin. While most realize healing requires more than telling someone, saying it out loud is the first step.
Along with the pain of being a victim, abused people often feel guilty. Some argue it is a false guilt because these people were not willing participants so they should not feel guilty. On the other hand, a person unfamiliar with the power of emotional and psychological manipulation might suggest that “victims” have will of their own and should have said “no.”
Whether or not that is true is not for us to judge. However, even there is some truth in it, the principle of “telling someone” works for real and false guilt as well as for healing emotional damage.
If the problems were purely physical ailments such as coughing blood, or dizzy spells, or constant knee pain, few people would insist that they are not sick. To do so practically guarantees they will remain unhealthy. Unless we acknowledge something is wrong, we cannot or will not take steps to make it right.
If the pain is emotional, acknowledgment is also vital. If I am angry and someone asks me about it, the way to ensure continued pain is by snapping, “I’m not mad.” However, if I want to change my emotional state, I need to admit it exists, to own it.
This principle is important for crisis counseling. An emotionally upset person has difficulty thinking clearly and making decisions. A wise counselor will defuse those emotions by helping the upset person say, or own up to, how he or she feels. Often just expressing emotions robs them of much of their power.
Guilt works in a similar way. For instance, if the speed limit is 90 kph and I drive 120 kph, I am guilty of exceeding the speed limit. It does not matter if I make an excuse or claim extenuating circumstances or did not notice I was speeding. Being ignorant of the law or its violation does not change the facts. I drove over the limit and am therefore guilty. Admitting it is the first step toward an end to that problem.
Moral guilt usually means breaking the laws of God. For example, God says I must not covet or want something that rightfully does not or cannot belong to me. If I do, I have broken the law of God. As long as I will not admit it, there is no hope of change and the act of coveting will begin to damage me and other people.
That is why the Bible says, “He who covers his sin shall not prosper.” In the case of coveting, I could obsessed with the forbidden thing, even to my ruin. I would be far better to face the fact of my guilt and admit the problem. When I do, God begins to heal me of my sin.
In some cases, a victimized person tells all to get even, to hurt the perpetrator, but those injured by emotional manipulation and sexual abuse often try to cover it up. They feel unclean, dirty, as if they were guilty themselves. Perhaps in such cases, rather than trying to assess those emotions or decide if those feelings of guilt are warranted, it would be better to simply confess they exist.
When we tell God about our feelings of guilt, He honors our honesty. He also knows the difference between true and false guilt so at the point of our telling, He offers us whatever we need.
Showing posts with label purpose of pain. Show all posts
Showing posts with label purpose of pain. Show all posts
Monday, January 30, 2017
Friday, July 24, 2015
Pain has Purpose ................ Parables 304
February 11, 1992
A child is murdered. An arsonist burns a home to the ground. A car accident cripples a newlywed. And we, even we who believe in a sovereign God who controls all things, are at a loss to explain our out-of-control world.
Oh, we Christians say God has His reasons... but our pat answers offer little comfort to the child’s parents, the family who has lost everything, or the couple whose hopes and dreams have turned to perpetual pain and wheelchairs. They cry for a way out and question — how can a sovereign, loving God allow such horrid things to happen?
When in pain, our ability to reason often abandons us, yet reason has shown me some new ideas about pain and suffering. For one thing, I used to think pain was always something to avoid, but isn’t some pain necessary? Without it, no one would go to the doctor to have broken bones set, or yank their hand off a hot iron, or avoid sharp knife blades. All pain is uncomfortable, but not all pain is evil.
Furthermore, I used to consider death as utterly bad, however it does have two very practical purposes. One of them, admittedly heartless but nonetheless true, is that if every man, woman, child, dog, cat, and goldfish that ever lived still lived, there would be no breathing space left.
Our real problem is with UNWANTED pain and the UNAVOIDABLE separation and suffering involved with death. We want God to intervene, to change things so we don’t hurt any more. But reason says for that to happen, God would have to change the nature of the way the world works, more precisely, the principle of cause and effect.
Cause and effect makes life predictable. We flip a switch and a light goes on; drink some water and our thirst is satisfied; sleep all night and wake up refreshed. However, if cause and effect could no longer be relied on, we would never be sure what would happen. They light may go on, but then again, it might not.
Imagine the chaos of a world without this principle. We could never be sure about anything. Would living with unpredictability would more tolerable than living without pain? The pain of consequences at least keeps most of us from inadvertently destroying ourselves.
Our prayers often demand God to change our situation or take away our distresses but we forget one more thing: without pain to keep us in check, we probably would do even worse things to each other than we do. Actually, if we are going to demand anything of God, maybe it should be a solution for sin. After all, sin causes death (“The wages of sin is death...” Romans 6:23) and a large percentage of human pain and suffering.
Actually, God has provided a solution for sin and it relates to this whole issue. Follow this carefully: those who seek His forgiveness receive a changed life and an attitude that desires to alleviate pain rather than inflict it. However, God does not change the cause/effect principle. If we sin, someone suffers, even though God can use that for our good, to draw us closer to Him. Instead, God created another world — His full and final solution to the misery and pain of this world. It is a place where we can live forever in the pain-free environment we wish we could have here. Of it, the Bible says, “God will wipe away every tear... there shall be no more death, nor sorrow, nor crying... no more pain, for the former things (including the principle of cause and effect) have passed away.”
That is where the second practical purpose of death comes in. Death is the process by which we enter that perfect, eternal place. Without it, we would be stuck here. So, listen to what Jesus said, “I go and prepare a place for you and will come again and receive you to Myself... I am the way...” the way out...
A child is murdered. An arsonist burns a home to the ground. A car accident cripples a newlywed. And we, even we who believe in a sovereign God who controls all things, are at a loss to explain our out-of-control world.
Oh, we Christians say God has His reasons... but our pat answers offer little comfort to the child’s parents, the family who has lost everything, or the couple whose hopes and dreams have turned to perpetual pain and wheelchairs. They cry for a way out and question — how can a sovereign, loving God allow such horrid things to happen?
When in pain, our ability to reason often abandons us, yet reason has shown me some new ideas about pain and suffering. For one thing, I used to think pain was always something to avoid, but isn’t some pain necessary? Without it, no one would go to the doctor to have broken bones set, or yank their hand off a hot iron, or avoid sharp knife blades. All pain is uncomfortable, but not all pain is evil.
Furthermore, I used to consider death as utterly bad, however it does have two very practical purposes. One of them, admittedly heartless but nonetheless true, is that if every man, woman, child, dog, cat, and goldfish that ever lived still lived, there would be no breathing space left.
Our real problem is with UNWANTED pain and the UNAVOIDABLE separation and suffering involved with death. We want God to intervene, to change things so we don’t hurt any more. But reason says for that to happen, God would have to change the nature of the way the world works, more precisely, the principle of cause and effect.
Cause and effect makes life predictable. We flip a switch and a light goes on; drink some water and our thirst is satisfied; sleep all night and wake up refreshed. However, if cause and effect could no longer be relied on, we would never be sure what would happen. They light may go on, but then again, it might not.
Imagine the chaos of a world without this principle. We could never be sure about anything. Would living with unpredictability would more tolerable than living without pain? The pain of consequences at least keeps most of us from inadvertently destroying ourselves.
Our prayers often demand God to change our situation or take away our distresses but we forget one more thing: without pain to keep us in check, we probably would do even worse things to each other than we do. Actually, if we are going to demand anything of God, maybe it should be a solution for sin. After all, sin causes death (“The wages of sin is death...” Romans 6:23) and a large percentage of human pain and suffering.
Actually, God has provided a solution for sin and it relates to this whole issue. Follow this carefully: those who seek His forgiveness receive a changed life and an attitude that desires to alleviate pain rather than inflict it. However, God does not change the cause/effect principle. If we sin, someone suffers, even though God can use that for our good, to draw us closer to Him. Instead, God created another world — His full and final solution to the misery and pain of this world. It is a place where we can live forever in the pain-free environment we wish we could have here. Of it, the Bible says, “God will wipe away every tear... there shall be no more death, nor sorrow, nor crying... no more pain, for the former things (including the principle of cause and effect) have passed away.”
That is where the second practical purpose of death comes in. Death is the process by which we enter that perfect, eternal place. Without it, we would be stuck here. So, listen to what Jesus said, “I go and prepare a place for you and will come again and receive you to Myself... I am the way...” the way out...
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