September 23, 1997
Fairy tales are supposed to end with “and they lived happily ever after.” Snow White’s story did. She rose from a deep sleep, married her prince and conquered the spell of an evil witch.
Cinderella’s story did. She sweetly waited until her cruel step-sisters ran out of schemes and the shoe was slipped on her foot. She too married her prince and lived happily ever after.
Is this not the desire of our hearts? We long to rise above the evil forces that threaten us. We want to live, laugh and love in style and grace, conquering all with our life of merit. We wish to look good, be appreciated, even gain the adoration of commoners and the respect of kings.
Diana, Princess of Wales, lived out those fairy tale dreams for us. She stood against evil forces with tough endurance and conquered her critics with outpoured compassion. She was kind to suffering people, both publically and privately. She touched thousands with her generosity.
Diana also lived in public our private sorrows. The inner heartaches we long to tell others but experience alone, she lived openly. Our sorrows and pressures, felt within our broken hearts, were on display in her life. The world knew her hurts. She became our champion.
Such a life was not supposed to end in one unexpected moment. Couldn’t we, just this once, turn the clock back and make it right? Couldn’t we revise her final chapter and move it from the middle of the book to the end where it belonged, in the happily ever after?
Personal sorrow over this tragic, too-soon ending seems fitting yet its depth surprises us. Why are we so sad? Is it because the fairy tale did not end the way it was supposed to? Is it that we have lost our stand-in, the one who represents our longing for the world to know and sympathize with our broken places? Do we ache inside because youth and beauty should never fade or be yanked from those who have it? Does this dying bring home to us the reality that life is not fair and death turns its back on no one?
Many of her loyal and grieving public express their opinion that Diana is in that final resting place of bliss. Who can say? Some evangelicals would demand a “public profession of faith.” Others might say her life displayed the qualities of a person who understands and knows personally the kindness and mercy of God. Her vulnerability did resemble the meekness of the One who would “never break a bruised reed nor quench a smoldering wick.” Certainly Diana’s charitable actions put many professing Christians to shame.
Do those qualities ensure a princess a place in heaven? Most of the world thinks so but the Word of God says not. It says eternal life is a gift from God, not a reward for the way we live. It is a gift given in a personal relationship of faith in Jesus Christ. While extraordinary goodness is sometimes seen in others simply because they have been made in the image of God, the goodness that pleases God flows from a transforming, personal relationship with Him and is a result of Christ’s presence in us. The Bible says, “Whoever has Christ has life” along with all the attributes of grace found in Him.
Knowing that, I prayed for Diana in the hour before she died. I asked the Author of life to grant her life—not length of days for that is the minor kind, but eternal life. I know only He can give it—and that He gives it as an act of mercy to the helpless. Inside that twisted metal executioner, Diana was never more helpless nor would she ever be more vulnerable.
If God said “Yes” to that prayer (and no one knows if He did or perhaps had already given her His gift), then the People’s Princess has found her true Prince. She is with Him, enjoying His love and the only true “happily ever after.”
Showing posts with label grief. Show all posts
Showing posts with label grief. Show all posts
Monday, April 3, 2017
Wednesday, February 8, 2017
Stories of Grief .......... Parables 547
February 25, 1997
Blank faced, Dorothy asked, “What if a person never grieves?” When pressed, she explained that when her husband died two decades ago, she went into shock. She cannot remember the funeral or the events months after it. Since then, she has not visited her husband’s grave side or experienced grief.
Death and loss are realities for everyone. Grief is the normal response. Some describe it as a process that begins with shock followed by various stages of emotional release. A grieving person sometimes experiences depression, panic, anger and guilt. Healing involves time and effort. Emotions and pain need to be faced, named, felt and talked about. All these help the grieving person to break ties with the past and begin reinvesting their emotions in new areas.
If a person refuses to grieve because they are not willing or able to face their pain and emotions, the internal stress usually comes out in other ways. For instance, repressed grief can cause physical and psychological difficulties. I wondered if that had anything to do with Dorothy’s many ailments over the past twenty years.
The Bible relates stories of grief that can help us with this difficulty. King David lost a newborn son. Before the baby died, he pleaded with God for the child, fasted and went into his house and spent the nights lying on the ground. When the child died, his servants were so concerned about his reaction that they were afraid to tell him.
Finally, he noticed them whispering and asked if the baby had died. Then he got up, “washed, put on lotions, changed his clothes and went into the house of the Lord and worshiped.”
This seemed odd behavior to his servants, especially in light of how he had been acting. They asked him about the change and he replied, “While the child was still alive, I fasted and wept. I thought the Lord may be gracious to me and let the child live. But now that he is dead, why should I fast? Can I bring him back again? I will go to him, but he will not return to me.”
Some interpret this statement as reference to the grave, but others believe that David knew the child had gone to be with God and he would someday join him in heaven.
The most familiar New Testament passage about grieving is often quoted at funerals. It comes from 1 Thessalonians 4: “We do not want you to be ignorant about those who fall asleep (die), or to grieve like the rest of men, who have no hope. We believe that Jesus died and rose again and so we believe that God will bring with Jesus those who have fallen asleep in Him.”
Notice that Christians do not need to grieve as others do. The difference is the hope that Christ gives. Because He conquered death, we who believe have assurance of eternal life. That means that our grieving is different. It is mixed with a deeper hope that holds us up and helps us through the grieving process. This undercurrent is impossible to understand much less describe other than to say hope and inner peace are evidences that the Holy Spirit is in a person’s life.
Besides the Spirit, God also gives all people various means to deal with the pain of loss. Emotional shock is one. However, God intends that when shock is over and emotions rise, we experience those emotions. Repressing or denying them is unhealthy and can even cause depression. Exploding in anger may seem like a release but we are far better to face our pain and feel it, calling it by name. Telling others and God what is happening to us opens our hearts for comfort. Comfort can come to us through people or directly to our spirits from God Himself.
God loves us and wants to help. With shock as a buffer, tears as a release, hope for eternity as an anchor and the Lord Himself as our consolation, we can survive loss and become stronger people even through deep loss and its painful aftermath of grief.
Blank faced, Dorothy asked, “What if a person never grieves?” When pressed, she explained that when her husband died two decades ago, she went into shock. She cannot remember the funeral or the events months after it. Since then, she has not visited her husband’s grave side or experienced grief.
Death and loss are realities for everyone. Grief is the normal response. Some describe it as a process that begins with shock followed by various stages of emotional release. A grieving person sometimes experiences depression, panic, anger and guilt. Healing involves time and effort. Emotions and pain need to be faced, named, felt and talked about. All these help the grieving person to break ties with the past and begin reinvesting their emotions in new areas.
If a person refuses to grieve because they are not willing or able to face their pain and emotions, the internal stress usually comes out in other ways. For instance, repressed grief can cause physical and psychological difficulties. I wondered if that had anything to do with Dorothy’s many ailments over the past twenty years.
The Bible relates stories of grief that can help us with this difficulty. King David lost a newborn son. Before the baby died, he pleaded with God for the child, fasted and went into his house and spent the nights lying on the ground. When the child died, his servants were so concerned about his reaction that they were afraid to tell him.
Finally, he noticed them whispering and asked if the baby had died. Then he got up, “washed, put on lotions, changed his clothes and went into the house of the Lord and worshiped.”
This seemed odd behavior to his servants, especially in light of how he had been acting. They asked him about the change and he replied, “While the child was still alive, I fasted and wept. I thought the Lord may be gracious to me and let the child live. But now that he is dead, why should I fast? Can I bring him back again? I will go to him, but he will not return to me.”
Some interpret this statement as reference to the grave, but others believe that David knew the child had gone to be with God and he would someday join him in heaven.
The most familiar New Testament passage about grieving is often quoted at funerals. It comes from 1 Thessalonians 4: “We do not want you to be ignorant about those who fall asleep (die), or to grieve like the rest of men, who have no hope. We believe that Jesus died and rose again and so we believe that God will bring with Jesus those who have fallen asleep in Him.”
Notice that Christians do not need to grieve as others do. The difference is the hope that Christ gives. Because He conquered death, we who believe have assurance of eternal life. That means that our grieving is different. It is mixed with a deeper hope that holds us up and helps us through the grieving process. This undercurrent is impossible to understand much less describe other than to say hope and inner peace are evidences that the Holy Spirit is in a person’s life.
Besides the Spirit, God also gives all people various means to deal with the pain of loss. Emotional shock is one. However, God intends that when shock is over and emotions rise, we experience those emotions. Repressing or denying them is unhealthy and can even cause depression. Exploding in anger may seem like a release but we are far better to face our pain and feel it, calling it by name. Telling others and God what is happening to us opens our hearts for comfort. Comfort can come to us through people or directly to our spirits from God Himself.
God loves us and wants to help. With shock as a buffer, tears as a release, hope for eternity as an anchor and the Lord Himself as our consolation, we can survive loss and become stronger people even through deep loss and its painful aftermath of grief.
Friday, June 5, 2015
It’s okay to be sad .............. Parables 283
September 4, 1991
The American constitution and even television commercials declare we have the “right” to be happy. In fact, the pursuit of happiness occupies a major portion of the typical North American’s life, so much so that when someone is sad, someone else usually insists they “Cheer up.”
Imagine the reaction if a sad person responded to encouragement with: “NO! I have every right to be sad. In fact, being sad is good for me...” Would we put him in a strait jacket?
The truth is, some sorrow has a valuable place in our lives. There is “a time to weep and a time to laugh... (Ecclesiastes 3:4) and sorrow is sometimes appropriate. The Bible says to “... mourn with those who mourn (Romans 12:15) and Jesus Himself even experienced that kind of sorrow. Certainly anyone who jokes and laughs at a funeral is out of place.
Beyond being an expression of human grief, the Bible says sorrow has spiritual value: “Sorrow is better than laughter, because by it the heart is made better” (Ecclesiastes 7:3). This means a kind of sorrow that feels grief over sin, and thus our attitude toward sinning is changed.
Jesus referred to this heart-changing sorrow when He said, “Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.” The Bible explains this “mourning” as a sadness for one’s own sin: “Now I am happy, not because you were made sorry, but because your sorrow led you to repentance. For you became sorrowful as God intended... Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regret, but worldly sorrow brings death. See what this godly sorrow has produced in you: ...earnestness, ...eagerness to clear yourselves, ...indignation, ...alarm, ...longing, ...concern, ...readiness to see justice done...” (2 Corinthians 7).
Again, this kind of sorrow is the grief some people feel when they have sinned against God. It is so important to God that He says if we don’t feel that way about our sin, we should make an effort to do so: “Grieve, mourn and wail. Change your laughter to mourning and your joy to gloom...” (James 4:9).
One reason this kind of sorrow is so important is that grief over sin is the only way to ultimate joy. When Jesus said that mourners will be comforted, He was not talking about ordinary grief over a death in the family (Many who grieve are not comforted) but preaching a sermon about the characteristics of those who will be children of God. He said they will be “poor in spirit,” not having what it takes to please God, mourning over their sin, submissive to Him, and having a hunger and thirst for a godly righteousness which they realize they do not have (Matthew 5,6,7). The Greek word Jesus used for “mourn” signifies the greatest grief imaginable, an utter sense of loss and sorrow because the mourner has realized his utter bankruptcy. He cannot please God... but it is that person who will be comforted, by forgiveness now and a heavenly reward eventually.
What if a person rejects that kind of sorrow? What if they insist they are okay; sin is not an issue to get dejected about; they have a right to be happy and life is here and now only, a party to be lived?
First, nothing happens to their heart. It stays in the same condition as described by Jeremiah: “deceitful and desperately wicked.” Secondly, they never receive the comfort of forgiveness. They will be separated forever from the love God offered through the sacrifice of His Son. Thirdly, a heavenly reward is out of the question. Eternal condemnation is the only other option.
So the next time someone says “Cheer up,” try this: “No, my sorrow is helping me to think about the way I live, change my ways and stop doing all the things that are not good for me...!”
The American constitution and even television commercials declare we have the “right” to be happy. In fact, the pursuit of happiness occupies a major portion of the typical North American’s life, so much so that when someone is sad, someone else usually insists they “Cheer up.”
Imagine the reaction if a sad person responded to encouragement with: “NO! I have every right to be sad. In fact, being sad is good for me...” Would we put him in a strait jacket?
The truth is, some sorrow has a valuable place in our lives. There is “a time to weep and a time to laugh... (Ecclesiastes 3:4) and sorrow is sometimes appropriate. The Bible says to “... mourn with those who mourn (Romans 12:15) and Jesus Himself even experienced that kind of sorrow. Certainly anyone who jokes and laughs at a funeral is out of place.
Beyond being an expression of human grief, the Bible says sorrow has spiritual value: “Sorrow is better than laughter, because by it the heart is made better” (Ecclesiastes 7:3). This means a kind of sorrow that feels grief over sin, and thus our attitude toward sinning is changed.
Jesus referred to this heart-changing sorrow when He said, “Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.” The Bible explains this “mourning” as a sadness for one’s own sin: “Now I am happy, not because you were made sorry, but because your sorrow led you to repentance. For you became sorrowful as God intended... Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regret, but worldly sorrow brings death. See what this godly sorrow has produced in you: ...earnestness, ...eagerness to clear yourselves, ...indignation, ...alarm, ...longing, ...concern, ...readiness to see justice done...” (2 Corinthians 7).
Again, this kind of sorrow is the grief some people feel when they have sinned against God. It is so important to God that He says if we don’t feel that way about our sin, we should make an effort to do so: “Grieve, mourn and wail. Change your laughter to mourning and your joy to gloom...” (James 4:9).
One reason this kind of sorrow is so important is that grief over sin is the only way to ultimate joy. When Jesus said that mourners will be comforted, He was not talking about ordinary grief over a death in the family (Many who grieve are not comforted) but preaching a sermon about the characteristics of those who will be children of God. He said they will be “poor in spirit,” not having what it takes to please God, mourning over their sin, submissive to Him, and having a hunger and thirst for a godly righteousness which they realize they do not have (Matthew 5,6,7). The Greek word Jesus used for “mourn” signifies the greatest grief imaginable, an utter sense of loss and sorrow because the mourner has realized his utter bankruptcy. He cannot please God... but it is that person who will be comforted, by forgiveness now and a heavenly reward eventually.
What if a person rejects that kind of sorrow? What if they insist they are okay; sin is not an issue to get dejected about; they have a right to be happy and life is here and now only, a party to be lived?
First, nothing happens to their heart. It stays in the same condition as described by Jeremiah: “deceitful and desperately wicked.” Secondly, they never receive the comfort of forgiveness. They will be separated forever from the love God offered through the sacrifice of His Son. Thirdly, a heavenly reward is out of the question. Eternal condemnation is the only other option.
So the next time someone says “Cheer up,” try this: “No, my sorrow is helping me to think about the way I live, change my ways and stop doing all the things that are not good for me...!”
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