October 24. 1995
The poem starts like this: “When I’m a little old lady, then I’ll live with my children and bring them great joy, to repay all I’ve had from each girl and each boy. I shall draw on the walls and scruff up the floor: run in and out without closing the door.”
After more of the same, it ends with: “What fun I shall have, what joy it will be, to live with my children like they lived with me.”
Someone sent it for a laugh but instead I cried — because this week a specialist told my mother she has a form of dementia called Alzheimer’s Disease.
Alzheimer’s is both mysterious and cruel. Those who have it know not that they know not. My mother is aware her short term memory is sluggish but has no knowledge of the other tricks her failing mind plays on her. Sometimes we can laugh together but too often there is little to laugh about.
Even if parents are unable to behave as adults, God intends their children to honor and respect them. In the past year, I realized how often I based my “honoring” on expectations. When mom moved in, I hoped for comradery but was quickly disappointed. For weeks, I found it difficult to honor her because I felt let down, but God reminded me of a verse in the Psalms: “When your father and mother let you down, the Lord will pick you up.”
God also intends that my expectations are in Him. He created us as social beings who interact with each other, yet we are bound to be disappointed if we expect too much from other mere mortals. Expecting my mother to be different is unfair. She cannot rise to the challenge of an incurable disease that makes her unaware her faculties for relationships are deteriorating. She no longer knows how to meet needs.
It is also unfair to God if I depend on something or someone else for my fulfillment. He promises to meet all my needs. While He may use people, the choice is up to Him. Besides, if I put people first, I am guilty of a form of idolatry.
Watching mom deteriorate is difficult and sad. Other families struggle with similar heartaches and feel overwhelmed by a sense of responsibility and the weight of decisions that they must make. Many also struggle with guilt.
Someone gave me this threefold and timely advice: “One, you cannot do everything.” Aging people need physical, emotional, spiritual and intellectual care. I cannot be nurse, counselor, pastor and program planner. I have learned to depend on God for strength and to follow His leading to wonderful resources available in the community for my parents.
“Two, you have done what you could.” There is nothing more debilitating than regret and false guilt. If I can do what I know God wants me to do, that is enough. It may not cover all the bases, but He knows my limitations and will not condemn me for them.
“Three, you are doing what you do out of love.” When I tell my mother she needs help with certain things, or when I take her to the doctor, I do it because I love her. I am not trying to make her life difficult, do for her what she can do herself, or make sure she “keeps me in her will.” I do it because she needs help. Doing it is a sacrifice of sorts, not a personal gain but it also includes joy. Genuine love, like God’s love, has both elements: sacrifice and joy.
Love also does not act out of a sense of “duty” or an obligation or discharge of a debt. In a way, caring for my mother is a return on something she invested in me. She raised me with respect, treated me as someone precious and never complained that I was a burden to her. That is a debt I can pay back, in full and with interest.
Showing posts with label godly sorrow. Show all posts
Showing posts with label godly sorrow. Show all posts
Monday, September 26, 2016
Friday, June 5, 2015
It’s okay to be sad .............. Parables 283
September 4, 1991
The American constitution and even television commercials declare we have the “right” to be happy. In fact, the pursuit of happiness occupies a major portion of the typical North American’s life, so much so that when someone is sad, someone else usually insists they “Cheer up.”
Imagine the reaction if a sad person responded to encouragement with: “NO! I have every right to be sad. In fact, being sad is good for me...” Would we put him in a strait jacket?
The truth is, some sorrow has a valuable place in our lives. There is “a time to weep and a time to laugh... (Ecclesiastes 3:4) and sorrow is sometimes appropriate. The Bible says to “... mourn with those who mourn (Romans 12:15) and Jesus Himself even experienced that kind of sorrow. Certainly anyone who jokes and laughs at a funeral is out of place.
Beyond being an expression of human grief, the Bible says sorrow has spiritual value: “Sorrow is better than laughter, because by it the heart is made better” (Ecclesiastes 7:3). This means a kind of sorrow that feels grief over sin, and thus our attitude toward sinning is changed.
Jesus referred to this heart-changing sorrow when He said, “Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.” The Bible explains this “mourning” as a sadness for one’s own sin: “Now I am happy, not because you were made sorry, but because your sorrow led you to repentance. For you became sorrowful as God intended... Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regret, but worldly sorrow brings death. See what this godly sorrow has produced in you: ...earnestness, ...eagerness to clear yourselves, ...indignation, ...alarm, ...longing, ...concern, ...readiness to see justice done...” (2 Corinthians 7).
Again, this kind of sorrow is the grief some people feel when they have sinned against God. It is so important to God that He says if we don’t feel that way about our sin, we should make an effort to do so: “Grieve, mourn and wail. Change your laughter to mourning and your joy to gloom...” (James 4:9).
One reason this kind of sorrow is so important is that grief over sin is the only way to ultimate joy. When Jesus said that mourners will be comforted, He was not talking about ordinary grief over a death in the family (Many who grieve are not comforted) but preaching a sermon about the characteristics of those who will be children of God. He said they will be “poor in spirit,” not having what it takes to please God, mourning over their sin, submissive to Him, and having a hunger and thirst for a godly righteousness which they realize they do not have (Matthew 5,6,7). The Greek word Jesus used for “mourn” signifies the greatest grief imaginable, an utter sense of loss and sorrow because the mourner has realized his utter bankruptcy. He cannot please God... but it is that person who will be comforted, by forgiveness now and a heavenly reward eventually.
What if a person rejects that kind of sorrow? What if they insist they are okay; sin is not an issue to get dejected about; they have a right to be happy and life is here and now only, a party to be lived?
First, nothing happens to their heart. It stays in the same condition as described by Jeremiah: “deceitful and desperately wicked.” Secondly, they never receive the comfort of forgiveness. They will be separated forever from the love God offered through the sacrifice of His Son. Thirdly, a heavenly reward is out of the question. Eternal condemnation is the only other option.
So the next time someone says “Cheer up,” try this: “No, my sorrow is helping me to think about the way I live, change my ways and stop doing all the things that are not good for me...!”
The American constitution and even television commercials declare we have the “right” to be happy. In fact, the pursuit of happiness occupies a major portion of the typical North American’s life, so much so that when someone is sad, someone else usually insists they “Cheer up.”
Imagine the reaction if a sad person responded to encouragement with: “NO! I have every right to be sad. In fact, being sad is good for me...” Would we put him in a strait jacket?
The truth is, some sorrow has a valuable place in our lives. There is “a time to weep and a time to laugh... (Ecclesiastes 3:4) and sorrow is sometimes appropriate. The Bible says to “... mourn with those who mourn (Romans 12:15) and Jesus Himself even experienced that kind of sorrow. Certainly anyone who jokes and laughs at a funeral is out of place.
Beyond being an expression of human grief, the Bible says sorrow has spiritual value: “Sorrow is better than laughter, because by it the heart is made better” (Ecclesiastes 7:3). This means a kind of sorrow that feels grief over sin, and thus our attitude toward sinning is changed.
Jesus referred to this heart-changing sorrow when He said, “Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.” The Bible explains this “mourning” as a sadness for one’s own sin: “Now I am happy, not because you were made sorry, but because your sorrow led you to repentance. For you became sorrowful as God intended... Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regret, but worldly sorrow brings death. See what this godly sorrow has produced in you: ...earnestness, ...eagerness to clear yourselves, ...indignation, ...alarm, ...longing, ...concern, ...readiness to see justice done...” (2 Corinthians 7).
Again, this kind of sorrow is the grief some people feel when they have sinned against God. It is so important to God that He says if we don’t feel that way about our sin, we should make an effort to do so: “Grieve, mourn and wail. Change your laughter to mourning and your joy to gloom...” (James 4:9).
One reason this kind of sorrow is so important is that grief over sin is the only way to ultimate joy. When Jesus said that mourners will be comforted, He was not talking about ordinary grief over a death in the family (Many who grieve are not comforted) but preaching a sermon about the characteristics of those who will be children of God. He said they will be “poor in spirit,” not having what it takes to please God, mourning over their sin, submissive to Him, and having a hunger and thirst for a godly righteousness which they realize they do not have (Matthew 5,6,7). The Greek word Jesus used for “mourn” signifies the greatest grief imaginable, an utter sense of loss and sorrow because the mourner has realized his utter bankruptcy. He cannot please God... but it is that person who will be comforted, by forgiveness now and a heavenly reward eventually.
What if a person rejects that kind of sorrow? What if they insist they are okay; sin is not an issue to get dejected about; they have a right to be happy and life is here and now only, a party to be lived?
First, nothing happens to their heart. It stays in the same condition as described by Jeremiah: “deceitful and desperately wicked.” Secondly, they never receive the comfort of forgiveness. They will be separated forever from the love God offered through the sacrifice of His Son. Thirdly, a heavenly reward is out of the question. Eternal condemnation is the only other option.
So the next time someone says “Cheer up,” try this: “No, my sorrow is helping me to think about the way I live, change my ways and stop doing all the things that are not good for me...!”
Monday, October 6, 2014
Choosing joy? ................. Parables 179
August 23, 1989
There’s this unread book sitting on my shelf. Every time I look at it, the title bugs me... “HAPPINESS IS A CHOICE.”
I happen to be one of those pessimistic people who see the black side of things far more easily than the light side. I’ve also found out (the hard way) that when I think about black things, I can expect matching emotions -- and they are very difficult to turn off.
This trait has some good to it. I easily spot sin -- unfortunately, that includes my own. Thinking about my sin makes me sad and it’s not easy to cast off the gloom. So for me, getting from sad to happy doesn’t happen by merely deciding, “I’ll be happy now.”
Ah, but notice -- since the root of those emotions is my thoughts, then the choice to be happy has to begin at that root level. Ignore the root, and it will keep on producing its fruit. Instead, make some thought choices; replace gloomy ones with a happier kind.
In fact, replacement is only way to change what we think about. No one can really shut off their mind (even if some appear never to use it). Try this experiment: spend 30 seconds NOT thinking about the color red... now don’t think about red. Can’t do it, can you? Now try putting something in its place: think about bananas for 30 seconds...
In similar fashion, changing thoughts from gloomy topics to more pleasant ones is a possibility. When our emotions respond to those thoughts, our spirits will be lifted. Thus, happiness is a choice.
Seems simple. But there is something else to consider -- the timing. When sad thoughts enter our head, is it always best to push them out right away? How important is it to be happy all the time? Is that really the best state to be in? Or does sorrow, especially sorrow over sin, play an important part in our well-being?
Some perpetually cheery people may make the more serious-minded feel envious, even guilty, about not being that way, yet God has something to say on the value of both joy and sorrow. While He is the giver of joy, and even commands us to be joyful, He also says: “Sorrow is better than laughter: for by the sadness of the countenance the heart is made better.”
In God’s mind, the heart condition is foundational. If the inner attitude is not right, He cannot give us the fullness of His joy. According to His word, we HAVE to think certain sad thoughts -- at least until sorrow does its work in bettering our inner attitudes.
Proverbs 15:13 says “... by sorrow of the heart the spirit is broken.” We seem to come equipped with a strong spirit, an inner attitude of personal determination to stick up for our rights and do things our own way. It is only through thinking about sad things, such as our mistakes, that such willful determination is brought into an attitude God can bless.
Isaiah 66:2 explains, “... but to this man will I look, even to him that is poor and of a contrite spirit...” Jesus followed with, “Blessed are the poor in spirit for theirs is the kingdom of God. Blessed are they that mourn, for they shall be comforted.”
The Jews somehow thought that only the rich and only the strong-willed were blessed by God. But God slaps that down. He looks to the needs of the poor -- but even more important, He looks to the needs of those who are humble and willing to admit their spiritual poverty. And when we realize the degree of that poverty, it is a sad thought indeed.
So true happiness grows from happy thoughts, and true happy thoughts become ours when we allow sad thoughts to bring us to our knees before a holy God, one who will have mercy on the poor in spirit. Sorrow may be uncomfortable, but the right kind leads to joy forever.
One caution: when godly sorrow strikes, don’t wallow in it. Confess any sins, accept His forgiveness, and refocus on thoughts of God’s love and mercy. If we don’t, sorrow will continue. That’s like shutting the windows of heaven after God opens them. What a foolish choice.
There’s this unread book sitting on my shelf. Every time I look at it, the title bugs me... “HAPPINESS IS A CHOICE.”
I happen to be one of those pessimistic people who see the black side of things far more easily than the light side. I’ve also found out (the hard way) that when I think about black things, I can expect matching emotions -- and they are very difficult to turn off.
This trait has some good to it. I easily spot sin -- unfortunately, that includes my own. Thinking about my sin makes me sad and it’s not easy to cast off the gloom. So for me, getting from sad to happy doesn’t happen by merely deciding, “I’ll be happy now.”
Ah, but notice -- since the root of those emotions is my thoughts, then the choice to be happy has to begin at that root level. Ignore the root, and it will keep on producing its fruit. Instead, make some thought choices; replace gloomy ones with a happier kind.
In fact, replacement is only way to change what we think about. No one can really shut off their mind (even if some appear never to use it). Try this experiment: spend 30 seconds NOT thinking about the color red... now don’t think about red. Can’t do it, can you? Now try putting something in its place: think about bananas for 30 seconds...
In similar fashion, changing thoughts from gloomy topics to more pleasant ones is a possibility. When our emotions respond to those thoughts, our spirits will be lifted. Thus, happiness is a choice.
Seems simple. But there is something else to consider -- the timing. When sad thoughts enter our head, is it always best to push them out right away? How important is it to be happy all the time? Is that really the best state to be in? Or does sorrow, especially sorrow over sin, play an important part in our well-being?
Some perpetually cheery people may make the more serious-minded feel envious, even guilty, about not being that way, yet God has something to say on the value of both joy and sorrow. While He is the giver of joy, and even commands us to be joyful, He also says: “Sorrow is better than laughter: for by the sadness of the countenance the heart is made better.”
In God’s mind, the heart condition is foundational. If the inner attitude is not right, He cannot give us the fullness of His joy. According to His word, we HAVE to think certain sad thoughts -- at least until sorrow does its work in bettering our inner attitudes.
Proverbs 15:13 says “... by sorrow of the heart the spirit is broken.” We seem to come equipped with a strong spirit, an inner attitude of personal determination to stick up for our rights and do things our own way. It is only through thinking about sad things, such as our mistakes, that such willful determination is brought into an attitude God can bless.
Isaiah 66:2 explains, “... but to this man will I look, even to him that is poor and of a contrite spirit...” Jesus followed with, “Blessed are the poor in spirit for theirs is the kingdom of God. Blessed are they that mourn, for they shall be comforted.”
The Jews somehow thought that only the rich and only the strong-willed were blessed by God. But God slaps that down. He looks to the needs of the poor -- but even more important, He looks to the needs of those who are humble and willing to admit their spiritual poverty. And when we realize the degree of that poverty, it is a sad thought indeed.
So true happiness grows from happy thoughts, and true happy thoughts become ours when we allow sad thoughts to bring us to our knees before a holy God, one who will have mercy on the poor in spirit. Sorrow may be uncomfortable, but the right kind leads to joy forever.
One caution: when godly sorrow strikes, don’t wallow in it. Confess any sins, accept His forgiveness, and refocus on thoughts of God’s love and mercy. If we don’t, sorrow will continue. That’s like shutting the windows of heaven after God opens them. What a foolish choice.
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