December 18, 2002
A couple years ago at a writer’s conference I met a man whose speech was difficult to understand. English was not his first language. His accent added to my difficulty. To make things worse, when I told him I could not understand him, he repeated it — but exactly the same way he said it the first time. Then he smiled and nodded as if it was clearer to him. However, he seemed unaware that I could not grasp even the gist of what he said.
At one time, I thought “understanding and being understood” were universal needs. This man upset my convictions, yet this remains a firm need in my life. Even more important is that others understand what I am saying to them.
A child’s curiosity is based on this desire to understand. Our grandson often takes things apart just to figure out how they work. Even though he was reprimanded for constantly fiddling with radios or other technical appliances, at eighteen his curiosity remains strong.
Children also want to be understood. At two, our son knew “lellow” and “blana” were not quite right, so he practiced until they came out “yellow banana.”
Conversations like the one with that man at the conference are frustrating. One side thinks their speech is clear, but the listener is not hearing them clearly. Dare we be polite and pretend we understood?
A friend died but before she did, her daughter told the doctor her mother was a Christian and “ready to die.” The doctor understood her words, but not what she intended. He watched the mother put up a good fight to live. He didn’t believe she was ready at all to die.
The problem was not an issue of readiness, but of understanding and being understood. Christians who are ready to die have made peace with God. They know their sin is forgiven. They also have assurance of eternal life through their faith in Christ. Death is not a fearful thing. However, being ready to die does not mean that we hate life. After all, the Bible calls death an enemy. While Jesus conquered it (and we will too), being ready is not the same as simply giving up when death comes calling.
In thinking about the desire to understand and be understood, I’d have to say God perfectly models both. The Bible reveals how He understands us: “Oh Lord, you have searched me and you know me. You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar . . . You are familiar with all my ways . . . such knowledge is too wonderful for me.” David, who wrote this psalm, worshiped God for His great understanding. He was not afraid of being known like this; it satisfied this deep desire to be understood.
David also sought to know and understand God, but the Bible says such a desire is not natural: “There is no one righteous, not even one; there is no one who understands, no one who seeks God.” The Bible explains this lack of desire to know God. It says each of us “turn to our own way.” We are quite happy to know our own minds, desires, and attitudes. We are content with our own understanding of things, and convinced that is enough. The Bible also says that this determination to do our own thing is what keeps us blind and deaf to the reality of God. Because we don’t want to know, we can’t understand.
To make matters worse, in our blindness we make up our own version of God, our own version of spirituality, our own version of religion. No wonder there are so many “faiths.”
God is willing to reveal Himself to anyone. We need to be willing to know and understand Him as He reveals Himself. Those who are content with their own understanding has no idea what they are missing!
Showing posts with label being understood. Show all posts
Showing posts with label being understood. Show all posts
Friday, July 20, 2018
Friday, March 9, 2018
A ‘joint journal’ and intimacy ............. Parables 713
April 24, 2001
For the past few weeks, my husband has been working two days in Calgary, two days at Scotford and one day in Fort McMurray. When he comes home, he catches up on chores and spends time with me and our family. This week we returned late Tuesday night from a short vacation. He left early Wednesday for Calgary, was home tonight for supper, then caught a plane north after dessert. I teased him that I know he’s been home when I check for dirty socks in the hamper.
Obviously, we don’t have much time for deep discussions yet despite that lack of time, we do have things to talk about. I think of important or personal things to say to him but often forget what they were by the time he gets home. He has the same experience. Also, when he arrives he is often very tired from a long day of both working and driving. Yet rather than let our conversations deteriorate to hockey scores and the latest weather report, we decided to do something about it.
An idea came from an article in a writers’ magazine penned by a mother who shared a journal with her daughter. They took turns writing in it, but avoided diary notations. Instead, they recorded their feelings and struggles about being a mom or a growing girl, the conflicts they faced, and even what they liked or didn’t like about one another’s decisions. As the girl grew to womanhood, both she and her mother found themselves able to communicate on a much deeper level than do many other mother-daughter combinations. This unique form of communication created a strong and lasting bond.
Even though I’m the ‘writer’ and he doesn’t think he is, Bob and I thought this would work for us. We selected a lined notebook and call it our “joint journal.” Besides using this journal to express those fleeting thoughts, we are learning to say what is very deep in our hearts. In these “ink chats,” topics often come up that might not otherwise surface.
This communication requires rules. One is that we do not criticize what the other says. We also reject all small talk. Third, this journal is about us, not our kids, the church, the neighbors or anything else. Whoever is in possession of the book writes something before putting it on the other person’s desk.
Right away we noticed an increased sense of intimacy. Intimacy is important. Everyone wants to deeply know someone and be deeply known. For it to happen, there obviously must be communication but intimacy is more than talking. Intimacy also requires personal revelation. But personal revelation does not happen without trust. Who can say anything about themselves or how they feel if they are afraid of being shot down? Everyone wants to be accepted as well as be heard.
The need to be heard, understood and accepted is universal, and while we do the best we can, no one can fully satisfy those needs the same way God can. He knows all about us. In fact, the psalmist says He “perceives my thoughts from afar . . . and before a word is on my tongue, He knows it completely.”
God understands our quirks, foibles and darkest secrets yet He is kind and merciful when others might be harsh or judgmental. He listens and accepts our honest revelations of ourselves, and is “faithful to forgive our sins and cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” No human friend or lover can do that either.
God also makes Himself known. He reveals who He is through the pages of His book and the life of His Son. We see Him in creation and in His people. His willingness to expose who He is and how much He loves us became fully apparent when He allowed His enemies to nail Him to a cross for the sins they (and we) committed.
Someone once told us that if two people draw closer to God they will also draw closer to each other. How true . . . and for some, having a joint journal simply adds icing to the cake.
For the past few weeks, my husband has been working two days in Calgary, two days at Scotford and one day in Fort McMurray. When he comes home, he catches up on chores and spends time with me and our family. This week we returned late Tuesday night from a short vacation. He left early Wednesday for Calgary, was home tonight for supper, then caught a plane north after dessert. I teased him that I know he’s been home when I check for dirty socks in the hamper.
Obviously, we don’t have much time for deep discussions yet despite that lack of time, we do have things to talk about. I think of important or personal things to say to him but often forget what they were by the time he gets home. He has the same experience. Also, when he arrives he is often very tired from a long day of both working and driving. Yet rather than let our conversations deteriorate to hockey scores and the latest weather report, we decided to do something about it.
An idea came from an article in a writers’ magazine penned by a mother who shared a journal with her daughter. They took turns writing in it, but avoided diary notations. Instead, they recorded their feelings and struggles about being a mom or a growing girl, the conflicts they faced, and even what they liked or didn’t like about one another’s decisions. As the girl grew to womanhood, both she and her mother found themselves able to communicate on a much deeper level than do many other mother-daughter combinations. This unique form of communication created a strong and lasting bond.
Even though I’m the ‘writer’ and he doesn’t think he is, Bob and I thought this would work for us. We selected a lined notebook and call it our “joint journal.” Besides using this journal to express those fleeting thoughts, we are learning to say what is very deep in our hearts. In these “ink chats,” topics often come up that might not otherwise surface.
This communication requires rules. One is that we do not criticize what the other says. We also reject all small talk. Third, this journal is about us, not our kids, the church, the neighbors or anything else. Whoever is in possession of the book writes something before putting it on the other person’s desk.
Right away we noticed an increased sense of intimacy. Intimacy is important. Everyone wants to deeply know someone and be deeply known. For it to happen, there obviously must be communication but intimacy is more than talking. Intimacy also requires personal revelation. But personal revelation does not happen without trust. Who can say anything about themselves or how they feel if they are afraid of being shot down? Everyone wants to be accepted as well as be heard.
The need to be heard, understood and accepted is universal, and while we do the best we can, no one can fully satisfy those needs the same way God can. He knows all about us. In fact, the psalmist says He “perceives my thoughts from afar . . . and before a word is on my tongue, He knows it completely.”
God understands our quirks, foibles and darkest secrets yet He is kind and merciful when others might be harsh or judgmental. He listens and accepts our honest revelations of ourselves, and is “faithful to forgive our sins and cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” No human friend or lover can do that either.
God also makes Himself known. He reveals who He is through the pages of His book and the life of His Son. We see Him in creation and in His people. His willingness to expose who He is and how much He loves us became fully apparent when He allowed His enemies to nail Him to a cross for the sins they (and we) committed.
Someone once told us that if two people draw closer to God they will also draw closer to each other. How true . . . and for some, having a joint journal simply adds icing to the cake.
Monday, January 8, 2018
Fully known and fully understood .......... Parables 690
October 24, 2000
Laptop computers are small enough to tuck into a briefcase. For that convenience, they are also a target for thieves, until now.
A Vancouver company has developed a unique software package. Computrace is reasonably priced and now able to catch crooks within days of their heist. This program is so effective that the FBI is using it in the United States.
When installed, Computrace is foolproof. Even if the hard drive is reformatted, a unique IP number or Internet fingerprint inside the computer cannot be erased. As soon as a thief connects to a phone line, an easily-traced signal is sent to a monitoring station, then reported to the police. Through the marvels of technology, computers now have fingerprints and can be as unique as the people who own them.
No two fingerprints are alike just as no two people are alike. We were unique without special software. While being individuals is important to our sense of value, it can make us feel isolated, as if no one really and fully understands us.
Yet there is one who does. Hebrews 4:13 says “Nothing in all creation is hidden from God’s sight. Everything is uncovered and laid bare before the eyes of him to whom we must give account.”
If we consider that God is all-knowing, we can understand that He knows what we are doing, where we are going, even what lies ahead in our lives. It takes a bit more faith to accept Jesus’ words, that He “knows the number of hairs on our head,” however, if God is all knowing, He must know even what seems like trivia to us.
The verses prior to Hebrews 4:13 challenge us to even greater faith. They imply that God also knows “the thoughts and attitudes of the heart.” A friend or close relative may know many things about us, even our dreams and hopes, but they cannot be absolutely sure of what we are thinking or exactly how we feel.
Psalm 139 is David’s cry to the all-knowing God. He says, “O LORD, you have searched me and you know me. You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar. You discern my going out and my laying down; you are familiar with all my ways.”
He goes even farther, ending in worship: “Before a word is on my tongue you know it completely, O LORD. You hem me in — behind and before; you have laid your hand upon me. Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too lofty for me to attain.”
Years ago, a strange pair of women began reading my thoughts, even the very words I was thinking. I was terrified. A godly man told me that they were likely demon-controlled. I had to agree. My experience as a child of God has shown me that when God gets into my head, it may be startling but it does not terrify me. His all-knowing power is a comfort for several reasons.
One, I need someone to help me figure myself out. I act or respond to situations and then cannot always understand what I did or why I did it. God does and His insights are always helpful.
Second, He knows my sorrows and pain. People who know and understand how I feel can be a comfort to me, but what goes on inside me is unique. Besides, some difficulties cannot be shared with other people. Because God knows my heart, I do not feel alone.
Third, when I am misunderstood by other people, I know that God understands perfectly. He knows what I cannot seem to explain. Nothing is too complex or too vague for Him. I am comforted by His knowledge.
Most important, I can trust Him to deal with sin in me that I do not see myself. I can pray the same way David did: “Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.”
Computrace is pretty good but it cannot do that!
Laptop computers are small enough to tuck into a briefcase. For that convenience, they are also a target for thieves, until now.
A Vancouver company has developed a unique software package. Computrace is reasonably priced and now able to catch crooks within days of their heist. This program is so effective that the FBI is using it in the United States.
When installed, Computrace is foolproof. Even if the hard drive is reformatted, a unique IP number or Internet fingerprint inside the computer cannot be erased. As soon as a thief connects to a phone line, an easily-traced signal is sent to a monitoring station, then reported to the police. Through the marvels of technology, computers now have fingerprints and can be as unique as the people who own them.
No two fingerprints are alike just as no two people are alike. We were unique without special software. While being individuals is important to our sense of value, it can make us feel isolated, as if no one really and fully understands us.
Yet there is one who does. Hebrews 4:13 says “Nothing in all creation is hidden from God’s sight. Everything is uncovered and laid bare before the eyes of him to whom we must give account.”
If we consider that God is all-knowing, we can understand that He knows what we are doing, where we are going, even what lies ahead in our lives. It takes a bit more faith to accept Jesus’ words, that He “knows the number of hairs on our head,” however, if God is all knowing, He must know even what seems like trivia to us.
The verses prior to Hebrews 4:13 challenge us to even greater faith. They imply that God also knows “the thoughts and attitudes of the heart.” A friend or close relative may know many things about us, even our dreams and hopes, but they cannot be absolutely sure of what we are thinking or exactly how we feel.
Psalm 139 is David’s cry to the all-knowing God. He says, “O LORD, you have searched me and you know me. You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar. You discern my going out and my laying down; you are familiar with all my ways.”
He goes even farther, ending in worship: “Before a word is on my tongue you know it completely, O LORD. You hem me in — behind and before; you have laid your hand upon me. Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too lofty for me to attain.”
Years ago, a strange pair of women began reading my thoughts, even the very words I was thinking. I was terrified. A godly man told me that they were likely demon-controlled. I had to agree. My experience as a child of God has shown me that when God gets into my head, it may be startling but it does not terrify me. His all-knowing power is a comfort for several reasons.
One, I need someone to help me figure myself out. I act or respond to situations and then cannot always understand what I did or why I did it. God does and His insights are always helpful.
Second, He knows my sorrows and pain. People who know and understand how I feel can be a comfort to me, but what goes on inside me is unique. Besides, some difficulties cannot be shared with other people. Because God knows my heart, I do not feel alone.
Third, when I am misunderstood by other people, I know that God understands perfectly. He knows what I cannot seem to explain. Nothing is too complex or too vague for Him. I am comforted by His knowledge.
Most important, I can trust Him to deal with sin in me that I do not see myself. I can pray the same way David did: “Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.”
Computrace is pretty good but it cannot do that!
Friday, June 30, 2017
Compatible with God? .......... Parables 608
August 18, 1998
Back in the 80's, a computer wasn’t considered one hundred percent compatible with IBM unless it could run Microsoft’s Flight Simulator. How technology has changed! Computer usage has become far too complex to evaluate with such a simple comparison.
Word usage changes too. “Compatible” once referred to human relationships. When a man and a woman considered themselves compatible, they got married. Today, lack of compatibility is still given as a reason for marital breakdown.
Like two computers, in a compatible relationship two people have similar dispositions or tastes. They get along because they think alike or have learned to understand one another. Sometimes they anticipate one another’s words and finish each other’s sentences.
What couple does not want to be compatible? While some might settle at both cheering for the same football team, wives and husbands want to be understood by a partner who shares their interests and ambitions, yet married couples know this takes effort.
Compatibility of interests is more apt to draw people together, and even without shared hobbies or interests, two people can cultivate at least one mutual interest. Understanding another person’s character and deepest desires takes more work.
If being happily compatible in marriage involves hard work, what about compatibility with God? Is it possible to be involved in a relationship with Him that includes sharing a similar disposition? Can we be interested in the same activities and goals as He is?
Many people try to enter a relationship with God on their terms, supposing He thinks like they do. In their minds, He will wink at their lifestyle, support their ambitions and help them reach their goals. However, we err if we think God’s character is like our own or that His plans and desires are like ours.
The first clue is that the Bible is clear on how to enter a relationship with God. It must be on His terms. Jesus said, “I am the way, the truth and the life; no one comes to the Father except through me.” The Apostle Peter adds, “Salvation is found in no one else, for there is no other name under heaven given to men by which we must be saved.” God tells us how to know Him; we cannot decide this for ourselves.
Secondly, God does not think or act like we do. He says, “For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways. . . .” Although we were made in His image, He is holy and we are not. Although He took on human flesh and became a man, those who observed Jesus said no man ever spoke or acted like He did. So how can we be compatible with God? We are not like Him in character or the way we behave.
Some say you simply do the things Jesus would do, imitating His actions. Some actions may make us give us an outward appearance of being like Him, but just as compatibility with your spouse involves far more than acting like them, so does being in harmony with God.
Our problem is with both “doing” and “being.” We have trouble doing godlike things because of who we are. It is a matter of the heart. To conform to His character or have the same interests as He does, we need to “be” like Him, think like He does. Who can say they know for sure the thoughts of God? Remember, God said His thoughts are not like ours.
Nearly every married person seeking compatibility has said silently or aloud, “I wish I could get into her (or his) heart—then I would know what she thinks and feels.” We might think if we could get into God’s heart, we would know Him, but we cannot do that.
However, God can get into our hearts, not to understand our thoughts and feelings because He already does, but so we can know His. Oddly enough, that is how to be compatible with God; we need to invite Him in.
Back in the 80's, a computer wasn’t considered one hundred percent compatible with IBM unless it could run Microsoft’s Flight Simulator. How technology has changed! Computer usage has become far too complex to evaluate with such a simple comparison.
Word usage changes too. “Compatible” once referred to human relationships. When a man and a woman considered themselves compatible, they got married. Today, lack of compatibility is still given as a reason for marital breakdown.
Like two computers, in a compatible relationship two people have similar dispositions or tastes. They get along because they think alike or have learned to understand one another. Sometimes they anticipate one another’s words and finish each other’s sentences.
What couple does not want to be compatible? While some might settle at both cheering for the same football team, wives and husbands want to be understood by a partner who shares their interests and ambitions, yet married couples know this takes effort.
Compatibility of interests is more apt to draw people together, and even without shared hobbies or interests, two people can cultivate at least one mutual interest. Understanding another person’s character and deepest desires takes more work.
If being happily compatible in marriage involves hard work, what about compatibility with God? Is it possible to be involved in a relationship with Him that includes sharing a similar disposition? Can we be interested in the same activities and goals as He is?
Many people try to enter a relationship with God on their terms, supposing He thinks like they do. In their minds, He will wink at their lifestyle, support their ambitions and help them reach their goals. However, we err if we think God’s character is like our own or that His plans and desires are like ours.
The first clue is that the Bible is clear on how to enter a relationship with God. It must be on His terms. Jesus said, “I am the way, the truth and the life; no one comes to the Father except through me.” The Apostle Peter adds, “Salvation is found in no one else, for there is no other name under heaven given to men by which we must be saved.” God tells us how to know Him; we cannot decide this for ourselves.
Secondly, God does not think or act like we do. He says, “For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways. . . .” Although we were made in His image, He is holy and we are not. Although He took on human flesh and became a man, those who observed Jesus said no man ever spoke or acted like He did. So how can we be compatible with God? We are not like Him in character or the way we behave.
Some say you simply do the things Jesus would do, imitating His actions. Some actions may make us give us an outward appearance of being like Him, but just as compatibility with your spouse involves far more than acting like them, so does being in harmony with God.
Our problem is with both “doing” and “being.” We have trouble doing godlike things because of who we are. It is a matter of the heart. To conform to His character or have the same interests as He does, we need to “be” like Him, think like He does. Who can say they know for sure the thoughts of God? Remember, God said His thoughts are not like ours.
Nearly every married person seeking compatibility has said silently or aloud, “I wish I could get into her (or his) heart—then I would know what she thinks and feels.” We might think if we could get into God’s heart, we would know Him, but we cannot do that.
However, God can get into our hearts, not to understand our thoughts and feelings because He already does, but so we can know His. Oddly enough, that is how to be compatible with God; we need to invite Him in.
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