Honoring Mom ............. Parables 703

February 13, 2001

It was a difficult week. We received a call from Home Care saying my mother must be moved from her home in a senior’s manor to a long-term care facility in another city.

My mother has Alzheimer’s disease. She cannot remember the names of things, like her clock or her lamp. For her, change is most stressful. If moving were not confusing enough, she would be in a different kind of space, cared for by people she had never known.

For me, the physical effort to move her was challenging but nothing compared to the emotional pain of watching her struggle with another adjustment. To add to that stress, I recently heard a woman from an advocacy group for the elderly describing incidents of elder abuse and how helpless family members are to combat it. How would this place take care of my mother? Would she be safe? Could she tell me if she was not?

After interviewing the staff in her new situation, it became obvious that my fears were groundless. They understand her needs and have adequate staff to meet them. The other seniors enjoy being there. The staff instantly began showing Mom affection with a loving and kind attitude. She was soon smiling and taking notice of the new things around her.

At the same time, my mom is often on my mind. God commands that we honor our parents. Sometimes I falter at knowing how to do that even though my mother is not at all a “cranky old lady” but an easy-to-please sweetheart.

The command to honor parents runs throughout Scripture, even to include that we must also honor and protect all senior members of our society. The Lord makes no distinction between strong and healthy, weak and infirm. In His sight, they are to be cared for and respected.

Honoring aging people makes sense. It is in them that we find our history and the wisdom of experience. They have the stories of our past and even if we have heard them many times, we need to encourage the telling. Without it, we lose a sense of our place in history.

While age does not necessarily bring wisdom, it should. Proverbs 16:31 says, “Gray hair is a crown of splendor; it is attained by a righteous life.” Some versions insert an “if” in the middle. Righteousness is an integral component of becoming wise.

As I visit my mother, I sometimes chat with others of her era. For the most part, these older people have picked up many insights. They have a humor about life, a casualness that almost mocks the way this generation runs its rat race. They have learned that life is short and some things are not nearly as important as we think. Yet even if they are unable to share their stories and wisdom, aging people still have great value. Those who cannot talk or care for themselves offer us opportunity to take care of them.

In my situation, having guardianship for my mother (and my father before he died) brought me to a deeper reliance on God. Their needs pulled from me a compassion and kindness that I might not otherwise have developed. Through them, God is working on my ability to care.

The New Testament says, “Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.”

A widowed mother could bring me distress if I forgot that she herself is in distress. She needs me to take my faith seriously. While this is not an easy assignment, it does keep my hands from being idle. Who knows, could this task be God’s way of filling my life with so much to do that I don’t have time to meddle in the world’s pollution?

Lord, You know my prayers for my mother. May Your Spirit continue to nurture her and give her joy. May that same Spirit grant me grace and energy that I might be a part of how You answer those prayers.

Aging Gracefully .......... Parables 653

September 21, 1999
Hockey player Esa Tikkanen was back on the ice last week. He says he wants to finish his career by playing during three decades. Maybe he wants to prove he is still a master of the game too. After playing well for many years, he might not be happy doing anything else.

Tikkanen is only thirty-four, but even at that age, thoughts of retirement can be frightening. Imagine turning your life goals over to the youngsters. Imagine at thirty-four admitting your body isn’t up to it anymore.

I don’t play hockey but sometimes I say “I am not getting older, I’m getting better.” Who am I kidding? I am getting older. Age is a fact of life, one that sneaks up on you. Even when you expect it, the changes associated with growing older require some adjustments.

People in the Old Testament had a longer time to adjust than we do. Noah was 500 years old before his sons were born. Generations later, Sarah, the wife of Abraham lived to age 127. However, adjusting to old age was complicated for her. She had her first son at age ninety-one!

When God promised the child would be born, Sarah tried to hide her reaction but could not help laughing, “After I am worn out and my master is old, (master was a cultural title for her husband, like our Mr.) will I now have this pleasure?” It was as if she responded, “God, take a look at us. You must be joking.”

As distressing as bearing a child must have been for her, Sarah adjusted. Other Bible characters met old age gracefully too. They faced challenges and changes, such as turning over their inheritance to their children, or giving their position of leadership to younger people. Through reading their stories, we find that God gave them insights into aging that we can use.

Age with wisdom. In Psalm 90, Moses asks God to “teach us to number our days aright, that we may gain a heart of wisdom.” My father says “there is no fool like an old fool.” Growing old is not so bad if one also grows wise.

Age with purpose. Another Psalm writer says, “Since my youth, O God, you have taught me, and to this day I declare your marvelous deeds. Even when I am old and gray, do not forsake me, O God, till I declare your power to the next generation, your might to all who are to come.” Growing old is not so bad if you are employed by God with something meaningful to do.

Age with grace. Proverbs 16:31 says, “Gray hair is a crown of splendor; if it is attained by a righteous life.” Living in a righteous way leaves a person without regrets. While that kind of life requires the grace of God, grace is freely available to everyone through Jesus Christ.

Age without fear. God promised His people, “Even to your old age and gray hairs I am he, I am he who will sustain you.” With God, growing old does not need to be filled with anxiety. He promises to take care of us.

Age knowing what comes next. Job experienced terrifying trials. He was not always optimistic about the outcome in this life. However, he was confident of the eventual outcome. He said, “I know that my Redeemer lives, and that in the end he will stand upon the earth. And after my skin has been destroyed, yet in my flesh I will see God.”

Job looked beyond his calamities, and even beyond death and decay to when Jesus, the Redeemer would come. Job knew he would stand before God in a new, resurrected body. His aches, pain and sorrow would all be gone. Because of his faith, he managed his challenges.

We too can manage the challenge of aging by putting our faith in the Redeemer. When we do, He removes our fear of death and dying but also takes away our distress over the speed we whiz by those milestones.

Age with a good attitude. My son says, “Don’t worry about growing old, mom. Some people never get the chance.” God has blessed us with life. Because of him, we can be thankful — which is probably the most gracious way to welcome those advancing years.

Aging well ................ Parables 576

December 2, 1997

My dad had a sign in his workshop that read, “Never take life too seriously. . . you’ll never get out of it alive.”

As certain as death is, life expectancy is at an all-time high: 75.8 years in the U.S. and it could be a little higher in Canada. Fear of dying plus this expectancy contributes to a common practice of joking about death rather than seriously discussing this universal certainty.

My dad, now eighty-eight years old, used to be one of those who never talked about death. Whenever anyone he knew died, his bulging temples gave away the fact that he was troubled and grinding his teeth, but he never said anything.

Increasing frailty and aching bones have made his life less enjoyable yet like most seniors, he realizes more than we do, how precious life is and that both life and death should be taken seriously. Life is a gift from God and we are responsible for what we do with that gift. Further, death is not the end because the Bible says that all die but all will also be resurrected. It clearly points out that what we do with this life will have a bearing on the quality of the next.

Author Eugene Peterson says that to live well and in harmony with God is the best way to spend our years on earth. He says obedience to God is not difficult but sin is difficult. Sin throws us out of kilter with the intention of our Creator. We were not made to sin and it harms our quality of life in every way.

For example, using addictive drugs destroys a person’s health, warps their thinking and ruins their usefulness. Adultery weighs down the mind with guilt, ruins intimacy with one’s spouse and raises havoc with families, sometimes splitting them and leaving hearts in pieces. This is not how God intended we use our years.

Someone once asked me what I wanted to be “when I grew up” and I replied, “I want to be a sweet little old lady” yet aging well is a challenge. According to the Bible, grey hair can be a crown of splendor, but only if it is attained by a righteous life.

We never start out righteous but if somewhere along the time line, we acknowledge our sin and failure to God, and receive the righteousness of Christ, we can begin to age well through taking the lessons of life seriously. When God uses them to shape our faith and give us godly character, we can not only finish well but with joy and courage.

The Old Testament cites Moses as one example. He “was a hundred and twenty when he died, yet his eyes were not weak nor his strength gone.” Caleb was another. At eighty-five, he could say, “I am still as strong today as the day Moses sent me out (forty years prior); I’m just as vigorous to go out to battle now as I was then.”

Aging well means being able to approach death without fear. The Bible says that “the last enemy to be destroyed is death” and that Christ Jesus has destroyed death and has brought life and immortality to light through the gospel.” By sharing in our humanity and dying for our sins, He “destroyed the one who holds the power of death—the devil—and set free those who all their lives were held in slavery by their fear of death.”

In the seniors’ lodge where my parents live, some residents are cheerful and enjoying their remaining years. Thankfully, Mom and Dad are among that group. Dad has changed; he talks about death and even expresses his hope that the Lord will soon come and take him home.

Others in the lodge happily speak about their faith in the Lord. The God of peace is helping them to age gracefully and with joy. From them, I clearly see that if I am to be a sweet little old lady someday, faith in Christ and walking alongside God will take me there.

Aging? ........................... Parables 106

While celebrating our oldest son's 25th birthday, we wound up in the school playground in Red Deer where his wife played during grade one. We slid down the slides, bounced each other up and down on the teeter‑totter, gave one another under‑ducks on the swings and did gymnastics on the playground equipment. At one point I decided to see if I could still do chin‑ups and discovered to my dismay that my arms are no longer strong enough to pull myself up to the bar.

Later on, my husband (the only one in the group that comes close to sharing such symptoms of growing old) and I discussed how we felt about such discoveries. It would be nice to be young and strong forever, but unfortunately, if I ever want to do chin‑ups again, it will not happen all by itself. Not that chin‑ups are all that important to me, but any reader over 40 will understand what it feels like to suddenly realize that the body is not what it used to be ‑ and never be that again, unless of course we go for an extensive program of exercise, weight lifting, and so on.

Is it worth it? The Word of God says, "Bodily exercise profits for a little while..." (1 Timothy 1:8). How long? Maybe a lifetime of vigor and good health? That would be profit, yet the clock is never turned back and eventually this temporary dwelling place gets worn out, wrinkled, and quits. The only people who say they look forward to it have not yet felt the stiffness and heard the creaks that herald its oncoming!

Paul wrote to the Corinthians about the universal reality of aging. He had preached the gospel and was persecuted to the point of extreme distress and even loss of life (2 Corinthians 4:8). But he said he was not distressed or in despair. He realized that death was not avoidable, that our "outward man" will indeed perish, but he saw beyond this life.

Paul's message was not a gloomy one. He had a hope that erased the fears and concerns of life ending too soon and of life withering with age. He knew that as his feeble human life faded, the inner life that he had through faith in Jesus Christ was being renewed day by day. In fact, that inner life would never grow old and die ‑ because it is eternal.

He proclaimed, "We also believe, and therefore we speak; we know that He which raised up the Lord Jesus shall raise us up also by Jesus.." Paul was confident that death is not the end. Jesus' resurrection proved it.

He went on, "Therefore we do not lose heart; though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. for our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen (including the wrinkles and feebleness), but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal." With that, Paul encouraged an eternal perspective.

No one escapes the aging process (unless they die young) but faith in Jesus Christ brings assurance of knowing there is more. "Now we know that if the earthly tent we live in is destroyed, we have a building from God, an eternal house not built by human hands..." Paul, with all believers, looked forward with indescribable yearning to an eternal dwelling place.

Bodily exercise may "profit for a little time" so I am going to continue long walks, swimming and cycling, but I agree with Paul; "Godliness has value for all things, holding promise both for the present life and the life to come..." Therefore, the priority is direct towards the eternal ‑ with enough moderate exercise to produce the strength and energy needed to do other things, things that, by His grace, will last forever.