September 12, 2000
When Sandra married Howard, we wondered what she saw in him. He drank too much, had a coarse sense of humor, and was irresponsible with money. Someone in her family remarked, “Oh, love is blind.”
Is love blind? For sure, infatuation is blind. The preteen with a crush on her teacher does not see the age difference nor the fact that the teacher is just as pleasant to the other students. She is blind to his happy marriage with a partner his same age.
Lust is blind too. It focuses only on externals and physical pleasure without seeing any contrary traits in the other person, traits that demand patience, kindness and self-control. All lust sees is someone that must be possessed, a person that can satisfy the most selfish physical desires.
It is too bad we use “love” for infatuation and lust but this word has broadened even beyond that. “Love” is our word of choice to express how we feel about chocolate cake or the Edmonton Eskimos. We “love” certain television shows and “love” the color of our new car. For us, “love” covers too much and has lost its meaning.
The Greeks used more precise words. For them, lust was Eros (which is the root word for erotica). This was not always a negative word; Eros could describe the strong physical attraction between a man and his wife. However, the Greeks knew Eros could be short-lived.
Another word, philos, described a family or brotherly kind of love. We can remember it by thinking of Philadelphia, the American “city of brotherly love.” Philos described a mutual affection shared by two or more people. When describing friendships, philos meant a two-way attachment without sexual overtones.
Another Greek word for love may have been coined by the apostle Paul. It is “agape.” The Bible defines it by what it is and what it is not. 1 Corinthians 13 says: “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.”
This kind of love is not blind. How could it be? Agape love is patient, suggesting that those who love this way are fully aware that others have the capacity to drive them crazy. This love is kind, realizing that no matter what other people are like, they will offer kindness.
Love that never envies or boasts suggests that agape lovers have deep, inner contentment. While they are not oblivious to their world (as suggested in the dazed expressions of those who are infatuated) agape lovers are not grasping for anything. They are happy with their life and can concentrate on the needs of others.
Agape lovers are not rude, self-seeking, or quick to get angry either. If love were blind, they would not even notice how some people try their patience, test their temper, demand more than they should, and have bad manners. In contrast, agape lovers not only see shortcomings in others, they are determined to care about them anyway.
Obviously, agape love is a choice. Those who choose to love others in this way are fully aware that the other person has less than loveable characteristics. Rather than letting that turn them off, they turn to God in the face of it. They know God can give them an extra measure of grace and love so they can rise to the challenge of loving anyone, no matter what they are like.
I am not sure that Sandra was filled with agape love when she choose to marry Howard but like the rest of us, she has discovered that infatuation and physical attraction have a short life. To continue loving this unlovable guy, the only way is through agape love. It is shared freely by the only One who can love us perfectly, no matter what we are like.
Showing posts with label kinds of love. Show all posts
Showing posts with label kinds of love. Show all posts
Monday, December 25, 2017
Monday, November 23, 2015
Perfect Love ............. Parables 356
February 9, 1953
Someone tells the story of a young boy who, for some reason, did not have any friends at school, perhaps he was handicapped. In any case, when Valentines’ day rolled around, he insisted on making and giving valentines to his classmates. His mother was concerned for his feelings because she thought he may not receive any in return.
On Valentine’s Day, the little fellow went to school with his package of cards. That afternoon, she watched him come up the front sidewalk, head down, muttering to himself. As he came closer, she could hear him say, “Not one, not even one...”
It seems her fears had been realized. As she prepared to console him, she was startled when he looked up at her, face radiant, and said, “Not one, I didn’t miss one, everyone got a card.”
Perhaps love is the most misunderstood human capacity. Most of us realize that physical attraction is most commonly mistaken for love, but we can also confuse love with admiration or hero-worship. Furthermore, deep desires for financial or emotional security can obscure our thinking to the point we are convinced we “love” someone that seems to be able to meet those needs. Loneliness, pity, fear or other emotions can also cloud our judgment. We can even think we love someone who is either unusually kind or helpful toward us or appears to need and appreciate us.
With some of these misconceptions in mind, it appears this thing we call love usually depends a great deal on what the other person does or is. If they somehow meet a need we have or make us feel good, or are attractive and arouse our desires, we call it “love.” Very few understand love as that little boy.
The Bible tells us that God loves us perfectly. When our lives are comfortable and nothing is happening out of our control, we may believe it. Yet whenever a senseless “act of God” happens, the normal human response is grave doubts concerning His love. As in human relationships, we gauge how much God loves by how comfortable or how delighted He allows us to feel.
Many times our response toward Him is the same. That is, we love Him when He is good to us, but find our passion for God cools again when life is not as we hoped or expected. A well-known Christian singer tells of visiting a country where the people were not well off. She was amazed how these people praised God yet “they had nothing.” She finally realized that they loved God for who He is, not for what He did for them.
As I think about that, it seems that perfect love is like that and it goes both ways. That is, we are to love Him “with all our heart and soul and mind and strength,” not just for the comforts He gives us but for who He is – our God who is totally worthy of all our adoration. We are able to do that only as we realize that “He first loved us” and demonstrated it by sending His Son to die for us.
God’s love for us certainly does not depend on what we do for Him. He is complete in Himself and needs nothing from us. He simply loves us for who we are – people that He created, people that He desires will spend eternity with Him. It is a love illustrated by a little boy with a stack of valentines – a love that reaches out to all and whose greatest desire is that not one misses out, not even one.
Someone tells the story of a young boy who, for some reason, did not have any friends at school, perhaps he was handicapped. In any case, when Valentines’ day rolled around, he insisted on making and giving valentines to his classmates. His mother was concerned for his feelings because she thought he may not receive any in return.
On Valentine’s Day, the little fellow went to school with his package of cards. That afternoon, she watched him come up the front sidewalk, head down, muttering to himself. As he came closer, she could hear him say, “Not one, not even one...”
It seems her fears had been realized. As she prepared to console him, she was startled when he looked up at her, face radiant, and said, “Not one, I didn’t miss one, everyone got a card.”
Perhaps love is the most misunderstood human capacity. Most of us realize that physical attraction is most commonly mistaken for love, but we can also confuse love with admiration or hero-worship. Furthermore, deep desires for financial or emotional security can obscure our thinking to the point we are convinced we “love” someone that seems to be able to meet those needs. Loneliness, pity, fear or other emotions can also cloud our judgment. We can even think we love someone who is either unusually kind or helpful toward us or appears to need and appreciate us.
With some of these misconceptions in mind, it appears this thing we call love usually depends a great deal on what the other person does or is. If they somehow meet a need we have or make us feel good, or are attractive and arouse our desires, we call it “love.” Very few understand love as that little boy.
The Bible tells us that God loves us perfectly. When our lives are comfortable and nothing is happening out of our control, we may believe it. Yet whenever a senseless “act of God” happens, the normal human response is grave doubts concerning His love. As in human relationships, we gauge how much God loves by how comfortable or how delighted He allows us to feel.
Many times our response toward Him is the same. That is, we love Him when He is good to us, but find our passion for God cools again when life is not as we hoped or expected. A well-known Christian singer tells of visiting a country where the people were not well off. She was amazed how these people praised God yet “they had nothing.” She finally realized that they loved God for who He is, not for what He did for them.
As I think about that, it seems that perfect love is like that and it goes both ways. That is, we are to love Him “with all our heart and soul and mind and strength,” not just for the comforts He gives us but for who He is – our God who is totally worthy of all our adoration. We are able to do that only as we realize that “He first loved us” and demonstrated it by sending His Son to die for us.
God’s love for us certainly does not depend on what we do for Him. He is complete in Himself and needs nothing from us. He simply loves us for who we are – people that He created, people that He desires will spend eternity with Him. It is a love illustrated by a little boy with a stack of valentines – a love that reaches out to all and whose greatest desire is that not one misses out, not even one.
Wednesday, October 14, 2015
God’s love is not the same as ours ................ Parables 339
October 13, 1992
A letter to the editor of a small publication claimed that homosexuality was not offensive to God. The writer reasoned that God would not “condemn anyone who committed themselves to a loving, life-long relationship.”
To some, this sounds good. After all, the Bible says we are to love one another. First John even says: “Beloved, let us love one another, for love is of God; and everyone who loves is born of God and knows God” and “No one has seen God at any time. If we love one another, God abides in us, and His love has been perfected in us.”
The letter writer even alluded to these verses in her defense of homosexuality. She reasoned that since the parties involved “loved” each other, they could claim God’s abiding presence and that their relationship was of Him. What she did not do was read the rest of 1 John. Why was John making these statements and what kind of arguments was he refuting when he challenged the level of love in his readers?
Attacks against the teachings of the Apostles were common in the first Century. That comes as no surprise since Christ Himself was misunderstood and attacked, even eventually crucified for what He taught. People did not like hearing a message that condemned their previously held ideas about God and how to approach Him. When John wrote his letters, he also had to counter false teaching. Some were saying true spirituality was not in any way related to material things. That is, God was too pure to inhabit a human body thus Christ was not God in the flesh. They also taught that people either did not sin at all ever, or if any did sin, it was only the physical part of them that sinned and their spiritual being remained unstained and pure.
Furthermore, these false teachers at first infiltrated the church but they eventually left. Because they did not agree with the true gospel (that man is sinful and Jesus was the Christ, come in the flesh to die for their sin, and give them His righteousness), they did not care for Christians, even hated them, so did not want to be around them.
First John is a rebuke to both this false teaching and lack of love. John affirms that a true teacher from God can be identified by correct doctrine about Christ, by a moral life that hates sin and does not habitually continue to sin, and by love for other Christians. This love is characterized by self-sacrifice (just as God’s love is sacrificial), by a desire for the other person’s eternal and present well-being, and by a freedom from fear of God’s judgment.
Put in context, this love that demonstrates that a person is “of God” is not referring to the relationship between a man and a woman, never mind same-sex relationships. It is referring to a love for Christians, and even beyond that, a love for righteousness and for the only One who is truly righteous, the Lord Jesus Christ. It is not condoning relationships that the Bible elsewhere condemns.
It is sad that people dismiss the Bible as having any authority over their morals. It is not God or the Gospel that is harmed but they themselves. The wages of immorality is grief, guilt, and eventual eternal loss.
It is an even greater grief that some will rewrite God’s definitions of holiness and of godly love so they can use it (or should I say mis-use it) to support immorality. Those who advocate such contradictions bring destruction not only to themselves but to others who are gullible enough or uninformed enough to believe what they say.
A letter to the editor of a small publication claimed that homosexuality was not offensive to God. The writer reasoned that God would not “condemn anyone who committed themselves to a loving, life-long relationship.”
To some, this sounds good. After all, the Bible says we are to love one another. First John even says: “Beloved, let us love one another, for love is of God; and everyone who loves is born of God and knows God” and “No one has seen God at any time. If we love one another, God abides in us, and His love has been perfected in us.”
The letter writer even alluded to these verses in her defense of homosexuality. She reasoned that since the parties involved “loved” each other, they could claim God’s abiding presence and that their relationship was of Him. What she did not do was read the rest of 1 John. Why was John making these statements and what kind of arguments was he refuting when he challenged the level of love in his readers?
Attacks against the teachings of the Apostles were common in the first Century. That comes as no surprise since Christ Himself was misunderstood and attacked, even eventually crucified for what He taught. People did not like hearing a message that condemned their previously held ideas about God and how to approach Him. When John wrote his letters, he also had to counter false teaching. Some were saying true spirituality was not in any way related to material things. That is, God was too pure to inhabit a human body thus Christ was not God in the flesh. They also taught that people either did not sin at all ever, or if any did sin, it was only the physical part of them that sinned and their spiritual being remained unstained and pure.
Furthermore, these false teachers at first infiltrated the church but they eventually left. Because they did not agree with the true gospel (that man is sinful and Jesus was the Christ, come in the flesh to die for their sin, and give them His righteousness), they did not care for Christians, even hated them, so did not want to be around them.
First John is a rebuke to both this false teaching and lack of love. John affirms that a true teacher from God can be identified by correct doctrine about Christ, by a moral life that hates sin and does not habitually continue to sin, and by love for other Christians. This love is characterized by self-sacrifice (just as God’s love is sacrificial), by a desire for the other person’s eternal and present well-being, and by a freedom from fear of God’s judgment.
Put in context, this love that demonstrates that a person is “of God” is not referring to the relationship between a man and a woman, never mind same-sex relationships. It is referring to a love for Christians, and even beyond that, a love for righteousness and for the only One who is truly righteous, the Lord Jesus Christ. It is not condoning relationships that the Bible elsewhere condemns.
It is sad that people dismiss the Bible as having any authority over their morals. It is not God or the Gospel that is harmed but they themselves. The wages of immorality is grief, guilt, and eventual eternal loss.
It is an even greater grief that some will rewrite God’s definitions of holiness and of godly love so they can use it (or should I say mis-use it) to support immorality. Those who advocate such contradictions bring destruction not only to themselves but to others who are gullible enough or uninformed enough to believe what they say.
Monday, June 22, 2015
Language of Love .............. Parables 290
October 22, 1991
The English language is a puzzle to those with a different heritage. We use “hot” and “cool” to describe the same thing. “Bark” can be a dog’s sound or the covering on a tree and many words that sound the same are spelled differently: rough and ruff, been and bean, profit and prophet.
Another confusing word is “love.” We “love” our kids, our car, our silk pyjamas, strawberry pie, and the latest hit song. This one word covers a multitude of feelings and desires. However, the Greek language is far more precise; it has several words for love. For example:
EROS, the root word of erotic, is the passion a person can feel towards the opposite sex. It can be one-way or two way, and easily becomes lust where one person uses the other person for selfish reasons.
PHILEO is the affection shared between friends. It is wanting the best for the other person, but to keep it alive, both must work at it.
AGAPEO: When the love of God was recognized as none of the above, this new word was coined to describe it. It is a love not governed by feelings nor does it depend on the responses of the loved person. It is an unconditional love, a commitment to do what is righteous toward the other, whether or not they deserve it. It is a love that cannot be faked nor does it exploit.
Knowing these differences is vital to a strong marriage. It is common for a couple to think that warm feelings mean love. Then, when the feelings (eros) fade, so has “love” fade or gone. They are shocked because they never thought this would ever happen to them because their “love” was so strong.
This loss of “love” is cause for many a divorce, yet it does not have to happen. The Greek definitions of love can clarify what is going on. Not only that, careful attention to what the Bible says about love can help couples restore those important feelings and keep their marriage alive.
First of all, the Bible says demonstrating love is equal to obeying God. Jesus said, “If you love me, keep my commandments.” and “...whoever keeps His word, truly the love of God is perfected in him...
These actions of obedience can be done with or without any feelings of affection whatsoever. When God says, “Be kind,” we can behave in a kind way, with the help of His Spirit, even if we feel no affection or passion at all.
Yet God does not call His people to a life of doing right and never feeling like it; that would be terrible. Instead, the One who created us built in us a strange capacity for manufacturing feelings. I first noticed it in our children. When they were small, there were days they didn’t really feel too loving toward their parents. However, if I encouraged them to do some sort of positive action for their dad or me, as soon as they did it, their negative feelings were replaced by affection. It worked every time.
It works between couples too. When the fire of eros grows dim and the affections of phileo grows shaky, then the positive actions of agape will bring back the passion into a marriage relationship.
It works best when both decide they will give of themselves (as required by agape), not hold back until the other person gives. Also, the doing must be with a reliance on God, not out of a sense of “duty.” But because this is the love of God, it will outlast all emotional ups and downs and weather the trials faced in all marriages, even the worst of them.
So, if the language of love has confused you, learn a little Greek. Learn the difference between “I eros you...” and “I agape you...” Then decide to DO the deeds of agape, God’s love. Through it, He wants to heal heartaches and rekindle the fire for couples who think it has gone out.
(A 2015 update: I’ve learned that sometimes these Greek words are used interchangeably in the Bible. The most reliable way to define what they mean is by their context. This does not change the basic truth in the above article. Love can be hormones, but it is supposed to be a commitment to put others first and rely on God to do it!)
The English language is a puzzle to those with a different heritage. We use “hot” and “cool” to describe the same thing. “Bark” can be a dog’s sound or the covering on a tree and many words that sound the same are spelled differently: rough and ruff, been and bean, profit and prophet.
Another confusing word is “love.” We “love” our kids, our car, our silk pyjamas, strawberry pie, and the latest hit song. This one word covers a multitude of feelings and desires. However, the Greek language is far more precise; it has several words for love. For example:
EROS, the root word of erotic, is the passion a person can feel towards the opposite sex. It can be one-way or two way, and easily becomes lust where one person uses the other person for selfish reasons.
PHILEO is the affection shared between friends. It is wanting the best for the other person, but to keep it alive, both must work at it.
AGAPEO: When the love of God was recognized as none of the above, this new word was coined to describe it. It is a love not governed by feelings nor does it depend on the responses of the loved person. It is an unconditional love, a commitment to do what is righteous toward the other, whether or not they deserve it. It is a love that cannot be faked nor does it exploit.
Knowing these differences is vital to a strong marriage. It is common for a couple to think that warm feelings mean love. Then, when the feelings (eros) fade, so has “love” fade or gone. They are shocked because they never thought this would ever happen to them because their “love” was so strong.
This loss of “love” is cause for many a divorce, yet it does not have to happen. The Greek definitions of love can clarify what is going on. Not only that, careful attention to what the Bible says about love can help couples restore those important feelings and keep their marriage alive.
First of all, the Bible says demonstrating love is equal to obeying God. Jesus said, “If you love me, keep my commandments.” and “...whoever keeps His word, truly the love of God is perfected in him...
These actions of obedience can be done with or without any feelings of affection whatsoever. When God says, “Be kind,” we can behave in a kind way, with the help of His Spirit, even if we feel no affection or passion at all.
Yet God does not call His people to a life of doing right and never feeling like it; that would be terrible. Instead, the One who created us built in us a strange capacity for manufacturing feelings. I first noticed it in our children. When they were small, there were days they didn’t really feel too loving toward their parents. However, if I encouraged them to do some sort of positive action for their dad or me, as soon as they did it, their negative feelings were replaced by affection. It worked every time.
It works between couples too. When the fire of eros grows dim and the affections of phileo grows shaky, then the positive actions of agape will bring back the passion into a marriage relationship.
It works best when both decide they will give of themselves (as required by agape), not hold back until the other person gives. Also, the doing must be with a reliance on God, not out of a sense of “duty.” But because this is the love of God, it will outlast all emotional ups and downs and weather the trials faced in all marriages, even the worst of them.
So, if the language of love has confused you, learn a little Greek. Learn the difference between “I eros you...” and “I agape you...” Then decide to DO the deeds of agape, God’s love. Through it, He wants to heal heartaches and rekindle the fire for couples who think it has gone out.
(A 2015 update: I’ve learned that sometimes these Greek words are used interchangeably in the Bible. The most reliable way to define what they mean is by their context. This does not change the basic truth in the above article. Love can be hormones, but it is supposed to be a commitment to put others first and rely on God to do it!)
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