December 12, 2000
I read somewhere if a person yells for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days, they would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee. That doesn’t appeal to me — I don’t drink coffee!
Not only that, I don’t have the energy to stay with it that long. My voice projects about two feet at the best of times. For me, yelling is not a productive activity.
Yelling is mothers calling their children, fans cheering at a game, or turkey farmers trying to talk above the gobbling, but it is most often associated with anger. Angry people produce adrenalin that must be burned. Otherwise, it works on our body the same way revving a motor works on a car propped up on blocks. Shouting, fighting, and running away all burn adrenalin. My mother used to say, “I am so angry I could spit” but she wasn’t the spitting type so found other ways to burn off her adrenalin.
The Bible has a great deal to say about anger. Since God can be angry, this is not necessarily a sinful emotion. One verse hints at this by saying, “Be angry and sin not; do no let the sun go down on your anger.”
God can be outraged at sin and still be righteous and holy, but our anger is often expressions of pettiness and selfishness. If we explode and hurt others, our anger is negative and destructive. Bible warns us that “the wrath of man does not work the righteousness of God.”
Sometimes we justify our anger as ‘righteous indignation’ but even that may not be as righteous as we suppose. When Moses was leading the people of God to the promised land, they continually griped and complained against him and against God. At one point they needed water so God told Moses to “strike a rock once” and the water would be there. Moses was so frustrated and angry with the people that he hit the rock a couple of times.
For Moses, this was sin. In disobeying God, he defaced more than a rock because God intended his action to symbolize the Lord Jesus Christ who is the ‘rock’ of our salvation. When Jesus was struck (once for all sin) literal water flowed from His side, as did living water to wash away the sin of the world. Moses’ angry blows to the rock marred the symbol. Even though this seemed like righteous anger against sin, God punished Moses’ ‘righteous’ outburst by refusing to allow him to enter the promised land.
So what do we do with anger? Clearly, we need to obey God in spite of our feelings. Anger makes obedience more difficult but God does not allow us to use it as an excuse to sin.
Second, if we disobey God in our anger, we need to make it right immediately. Harboring anger leads to bitterness — and ulcers. Instead, we admit to God we are angry. We tell Him what upsets us and place it in His hands. He cares. He may help us with action we could not take, or even imagine.
Third, our anger might be directed toward someone who hurt us. We need to forgive them, remembering how God has forgiven us. At the same time, if our anger reveals other sinful attitudes, we must confess them to God also.
Fourth, if we have taken angry swipes at others, we need to be truly sorry and apologize to them — admitting we were wrong and asking their forgiveness — before the sun goes down.
Dealing with anger produces peace in our hearts, peace in our relationships, and peace with God. Besides, there are quicker ways to warm up a cup of coffee!
Showing posts with label dealing with anger. Show all posts
Showing posts with label dealing with anger. Show all posts
Friday, January 26, 2018
Friday, December 15, 2017
Anger Management .......... Parables 680
August 15, 2000
Elie Wiesel’s book, “Night” tells of his experiences as a fifteen year old in a German concentration camp. Not only did he and his people bear the brunt of their captors’ contempt, Wiesel also struggled with the way starvation and desperation affected his treatment of other people, including his own father.
Sometimes desperate situations or the heat of emotion pressure us into extreme actions. A mother is concerned for her children so steals to feed them. A father is angry at a rebellious teenager so takes a swat at him. These actions are not right, yet under pressure we sometimes respond with words or behavior we might not otherwise say or do.
“Night” was a sobering read. It made me realize that pressure can push ordinary people beyond common responses and bring out the deepest possible negatives. The human heart is capable of so much disdain for human life that it will not only murder, but do so in cold blood and even enjoy the process.
Jesus linked the heat of emotional pressure with the perversity of inner disdain. He said, “You have heard that it was said to the people long ago, ‘Do not murder, and anyone who murders will be subject to judgment.’ But I tell you that anyone who is angry with his brother will be subject to judgment. Again, anyone who says to his brother ‘Raca,’ is answerable to the Sanhedrin. But anyone who says, ‘You fool!’ will be in danger of the fire of hell” (Matthew 5).
The Bible talks about one kind of anger that has a cause; something happens and we get mad. Scripture says we can “be angry” but do not sin, nor should we “let the sun go down on our anger.” This indicates God is not surprised at outbursts but does caution us to manage our anger.
However, Jesus seems to be talking about a more continual attitude than an occasional flaring of temper. In the above passage, He indicates an anger that is rooted in contempt or an attitude of disdain for others. Ordinary anger can occur without denying worth, but those who call people names have gone beyond the ordinary. For instance, we get angry at our children for disobedience yet still consider them valuable people, unless we begin calling them demeaning names.
Jesus referred to the name-calling of His day with the words ‘raca’ and ‘fool.’ Raca was an expression of contempt and degradation, much like spitting in someone’s face. Calling a person a fool was even more serious, going beyond anger and disdain to include malice. Saying this meant the speaker wanted the person cast in the garbage where they belonged. Today’s equivalent would be unprintable.
Jesus started His warning with mention of murder. People do kill in angry outbursts; we call them crimes of passion. A more serious charge is laid against someone who kills after a sustained anger, but we are most appalled when a murder is committed as an expression of contempt. The murderer has no regard for the victim and a complete disdain for human life.
Disdain is pride, a superior thinking that ‘I am not like that person’ or ‘I am so much better than you.’ Jesus warns that anyone who feels this way will face judgment for their attitude. They may openly consider others as valueless or they may hold this opinion to themselves, but they are walking time bombs. One day, their contempt will break out in malicious treatment, maybe even murder.
Jesus tells us what to do. He says, “Settle matters quickly with your adversary . . . .” Don’t wait until you come to a boiling point. Go to them. Talk about it. Remember how much God has forgiven you and forgive them for what they may have done. Holding a grudge benefits no one. Instead, Jesus says, “Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you.”
Also, confess your pride. Who made you different than anyone else? If you have any good qualities, give the glory to your Creator and don’t ruin them by harboring contempt in your heart.
Wiesel survived the holocaust but the pain he suffered then and the scars he bears now do not begin to compare to what his unrepentant tormentors will face in an eternity separated from God.
Elie Wiesel’s book, “Night” tells of his experiences as a fifteen year old in a German concentration camp. Not only did he and his people bear the brunt of their captors’ contempt, Wiesel also struggled with the way starvation and desperation affected his treatment of other people, including his own father.
Sometimes desperate situations or the heat of emotion pressure us into extreme actions. A mother is concerned for her children so steals to feed them. A father is angry at a rebellious teenager so takes a swat at him. These actions are not right, yet under pressure we sometimes respond with words or behavior we might not otherwise say or do.
“Night” was a sobering read. It made me realize that pressure can push ordinary people beyond common responses and bring out the deepest possible negatives. The human heart is capable of so much disdain for human life that it will not only murder, but do so in cold blood and even enjoy the process.
Jesus linked the heat of emotional pressure with the perversity of inner disdain. He said, “You have heard that it was said to the people long ago, ‘Do not murder, and anyone who murders will be subject to judgment.’ But I tell you that anyone who is angry with his brother will be subject to judgment. Again, anyone who says to his brother ‘Raca,’ is answerable to the Sanhedrin. But anyone who says, ‘You fool!’ will be in danger of the fire of hell” (Matthew 5).
The Bible talks about one kind of anger that has a cause; something happens and we get mad. Scripture says we can “be angry” but do not sin, nor should we “let the sun go down on our anger.” This indicates God is not surprised at outbursts but does caution us to manage our anger.
However, Jesus seems to be talking about a more continual attitude than an occasional flaring of temper. In the above passage, He indicates an anger that is rooted in contempt or an attitude of disdain for others. Ordinary anger can occur without denying worth, but those who call people names have gone beyond the ordinary. For instance, we get angry at our children for disobedience yet still consider them valuable people, unless we begin calling them demeaning names.
Jesus referred to the name-calling of His day with the words ‘raca’ and ‘fool.’ Raca was an expression of contempt and degradation, much like spitting in someone’s face. Calling a person a fool was even more serious, going beyond anger and disdain to include malice. Saying this meant the speaker wanted the person cast in the garbage where they belonged. Today’s equivalent would be unprintable.
Jesus started His warning with mention of murder. People do kill in angry outbursts; we call them crimes of passion. A more serious charge is laid against someone who kills after a sustained anger, but we are most appalled when a murder is committed as an expression of contempt. The murderer has no regard for the victim and a complete disdain for human life.
Disdain is pride, a superior thinking that ‘I am not like that person’ or ‘I am so much better than you.’ Jesus warns that anyone who feels this way will face judgment for their attitude. They may openly consider others as valueless or they may hold this opinion to themselves, but they are walking time bombs. One day, their contempt will break out in malicious treatment, maybe even murder.
Jesus tells us what to do. He says, “Settle matters quickly with your adversary . . . .” Don’t wait until you come to a boiling point. Go to them. Talk about it. Remember how much God has forgiven you and forgive them for what they may have done. Holding a grudge benefits no one. Instead, Jesus says, “Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you.”
Also, confess your pride. Who made you different than anyone else? If you have any good qualities, give the glory to your Creator and don’t ruin them by harboring contempt in your heart.
Wiesel survived the holocaust but the pain he suffered then and the scars he bears now do not begin to compare to what his unrepentant tormentors will face in an eternity separated from God.
Wednesday, March 2, 2016
Dealing with anger ............. Parables 400
December 14, 1993
Tragic stories like the recent killing of family members by a fifteen-year-old boy will haunt us for a long time. That he murdered his family is heart-wrenching enough, but his reasons are almost beyond comprehension.
Most of us become angry at people for rude behavior, for thoughtlessness, for making our lives somewhat uncomfortable. Young people do get upset with parents who make what seems like senseless demands. Parents also get angry with children who frustrate and disobey them, who act without thinking or think up dozens of ways to avoid taking action.
Family conflict is unavoidable and every family clashes from time to time. What must not be avoided is dealing with anger, misunderstandings, and hurt feelings. If conflict is not resolved, anger builds like water behind a dam. Eventually, it will flood somewhere.
But what can a person do with anger? Proverbs 29:11 says, “A fool gives full vent to his anger, but a wise man keeps himself under control.” Does it mean that instead of blowing up, we should pretend we are not angry? That kind of pretense seldom fools anyone.
Does the verse mean we should refuse to acknowledge even to ourselves that we are angry? I have known people whose moral code told them it was wrong to be angry but their pride would not allow them to admit it. Every time something made them angry they convinced themselves they were not really angry and either renamed their feelings into something more acceptable or denied the emotion, and buried it. Most of us know that is not very healthy. It leads to ulcers and dangerous self-deception.
So what does the self-controlled angry person do? Do they blame themselves for having a bad temper, confess anger as sin, and ask God to forgive them? Maybe. Anger is sometimes unwarranted or an over-reaction and is definitely sinful. But is it always wrong?
Better advice says otherwise: “Be angry and sin not; do not let the sun go down on your anger” (see Ephesians 4).
Sometimes it is possible to “be angry” without sinning. If someone does something wrong, harmful, or from unkind motives, the most natural response is anger. In fact, God gets angry at our sin. While we may have more selfish reasons to be mad, anger itself is not the issue: what is important are the various things we do in our anger.
One of them is to get even. When someone hurts me, I want to hurt them back. When someone yells at me, I raise my voice at them. But anger only begets anger and leads to wars.
Sometimes I try to put away my anger denying I have a reason to be angry, or even making excuses for the other person. While I could be simply refusing to acknowledge my hurt feelings or trying to be “big about it,” this is also a way to avoid confronting the situation.
Actually, confrontation is not always a bad thing to do when someone hurts us. While it is important to wait until we cool down, Paul says we should do something before the day ends. For one thing, it will not “seem” as important the next day and we might repress it. This eventually leads to a flood.
For the fifteen-year-old, an angry flood came out in cold, calculating violence. He was perhaps provoked, we may never know, but he did not deal with his anger in a godly way. Instead he let it build until it burst. Sadly, even though he thinks he destroyed those who made him angry, what he really did was destroy himself.
Tragic stories like the recent killing of family members by a fifteen-year-old boy will haunt us for a long time. That he murdered his family is heart-wrenching enough, but his reasons are almost beyond comprehension.
Most of us become angry at people for rude behavior, for thoughtlessness, for making our lives somewhat uncomfortable. Young people do get upset with parents who make what seems like senseless demands. Parents also get angry with children who frustrate and disobey them, who act without thinking or think up dozens of ways to avoid taking action.
Family conflict is unavoidable and every family clashes from time to time. What must not be avoided is dealing with anger, misunderstandings, and hurt feelings. If conflict is not resolved, anger builds like water behind a dam. Eventually, it will flood somewhere.
But what can a person do with anger? Proverbs 29:11 says, “A fool gives full vent to his anger, but a wise man keeps himself under control.” Does it mean that instead of blowing up, we should pretend we are not angry? That kind of pretense seldom fools anyone.
Does the verse mean we should refuse to acknowledge even to ourselves that we are angry? I have known people whose moral code told them it was wrong to be angry but their pride would not allow them to admit it. Every time something made them angry they convinced themselves they were not really angry and either renamed their feelings into something more acceptable or denied the emotion, and buried it. Most of us know that is not very healthy. It leads to ulcers and dangerous self-deception.
So what does the self-controlled angry person do? Do they blame themselves for having a bad temper, confess anger as sin, and ask God to forgive them? Maybe. Anger is sometimes unwarranted or an over-reaction and is definitely sinful. But is it always wrong?
Better advice says otherwise: “Be angry and sin not; do not let the sun go down on your anger” (see Ephesians 4).
Sometimes it is possible to “be angry” without sinning. If someone does something wrong, harmful, or from unkind motives, the most natural response is anger. In fact, God gets angry at our sin. While we may have more selfish reasons to be mad, anger itself is not the issue: what is important are the various things we do in our anger.
One of them is to get even. When someone hurts me, I want to hurt them back. When someone yells at me, I raise my voice at them. But anger only begets anger and leads to wars.
Sometimes I try to put away my anger denying I have a reason to be angry, or even making excuses for the other person. While I could be simply refusing to acknowledge my hurt feelings or trying to be “big about it,” this is also a way to avoid confronting the situation.
Actually, confrontation is not always a bad thing to do when someone hurts us. While it is important to wait until we cool down, Paul says we should do something before the day ends. For one thing, it will not “seem” as important the next day and we might repress it. This eventually leads to a flood.
For the fifteen-year-old, an angry flood came out in cold, calculating violence. He was perhaps provoked, we may never know, but he did not deal with his anger in a godly way. Instead he let it build until it burst. Sadly, even though he thinks he destroyed those who made him angry, what he really did was destroy himself.
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