March 13, 2001
Kathy talks about her healthy self-esteem. “My life was tough but I didn’t take society’s permission to feel sorry for myself. These days, counselors allow too much blame-shifting.”
By blame-shifting, Kathy referred to more than blaming people. Some say things like “it’s all my mother’s fault” or dump responsibility with words like, “I’m like this because of my childhood” or “I was abused” or “People reject me all the time.”
Kathy said too many people blame circumstances for their problems. She is not a psychologist but she does know her Bible. God expects us to take responsibility, not for what happens to us but for how we respond to what happens. He does not want us to be ‘victims of our circumstances’ but says we can be “more than conquerors through Christ who loves us.”
How can this be? If life hands us lemons, is it possible to make lemonade? The Bible says we cannot do this alone nor can we do it with the attitudes that Kathy disdained. We need help and we need God’s perspective on the difficult issues of life.
In the Old Testament, when Joseph was a boy, his brothers hated him because he was his dad’s favorite. Eventually their hatred took action. They sold the boy to slave traders and told their father that a wild beast had devoured him.
Joseph wound up in Egypt and because of his relationship with God, he was noticed and put in charge of his master’s household. But after false accusations from his master’s wife, he was put in prison and seemed doomed.
Yet even there, his faith made him stand out. He was given special attention. During this time, he showed an ability to interpret dreams and this eventually came to the attention of the Pharaoh. Joseph told this leader famine was coming so the Pharaoh gave him enormous responsibilities. During a time of plenty, Joseph ordered the nation to store their excess crops so they would be ready for what would come later.
When the famine arrived, it also affected Joseph’s family back in Canaan. As their need increased, old Jacob sent his remaining sons to Egypt to buy grain. They did not recognize their brother but after testing them, Joseph revealed his identity to them. Of course they were terrified. They knew his power and were afraid he would retaliate for what they had done to him many years before. But Joseph had never abandoned his relationship with God nor did he blame his brothers.
He responded with this incredible reasoning, “For two years now there has been famine in the land , and for the next five years there will not be plowing and reaping. But God sent me ahead of you to preserve for you a remnant on earth and to save your lives by a great deliverance. So then, it was not you who sent me here but God.” His family was given a home in Egypt and he took care of them.
Later their father died. The brothers thought that now Joseph would surely take revenge, but he said to them, “Don’t be afraid. Am I in the place of God? You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives.”
Joseph looked beyond what people had done to him and the circumstances of his life to see the purposes of God. Instead of becoming bitter, he became a hero.
Kathy may not be educated in the field of psychology but she does know one thing: those who look for God in their difficulties are far better off than those who look for someone or something to blame. Life can be tough but in trials, we can discover the One who is able to show us purpose and meaning. He can even use those tough situations for good.
Showing posts with label blame-shifting. Show all posts
Showing posts with label blame-shifting. Show all posts
Friday, February 23, 2018
Monday, September 11, 2017
Who takes the blame? .......... Parables 639
May 11, 1999
After two shootings in as many weeks, most of us are in shock and grieving, not entirely objective. Few actually knew these children or the families that are involved. Most were not there and glad of it, yet everyone has an opinion about who to blame, about whose fault it was.
Parents are almost always first to take the flack. They are either too strict, or too lenient, or not there, or not in touch with their kids, or the child was beaten or deprived. Yet how can we explain a child murderer if that child’s parents were loving, concerned and did their best? As John Kindred’s column (April 27) pointed out, children from good homes sometimes turn out bad.
Also consider God, the perfect parent. He provided an ideal environment (including work and responsibility) for His children, yet Adam and Eve decided to disobey Him. Their choice adversely affected the entire human race yet no one blames God for their failure.
What about education? Were the children with the guns taught how to manage their lives? Their anger? Didn’t these rebellious teens know the harm they could do, the lives they could ruin? Whether they knew or not, or were taught or not, education can hardly be blamed. Statistics show that the nations with the highest standards of education also have the highest crime rates. Also, any parent knows you can teach it but that does not mean they learn it.
Are these shootings the government’s fault? Legislators try. They bring in gun controls, beef up the Young Offenders Act, but it doesn’t seem to work. In fact, most researchers say that gun control or lack of it, does not affect the incidents of violence. I suppose if an angry person with murder in mind cannot obtain a gun, he or she could use a baseball bat or a big rock.
A radio talk show highlighted the responsibility of the media and pointed fingers. They cited statistics about rising crime rates in countries that feature violence in their movies, TV shows and other media. Certainly what we see and hear affects us, otherwise advertisers would not spend billions of dollars for time and space to promote their products. Also, media moguls should be held responsible for any garbage they produce, but, are they responsible for what we do with their garbage? That is like blaming Madison Avenue every time we make a poor purchase.
Certainly violence in the media sells a “product” but only to those who are in the mood to buy it. We do not buy every item we see on television. We do not go to war simply because we see it on film or in a news clip. After seeing and hearing it all, we are still free to make choices.
When we make decisions, no one can coerce or influence us without our consent. How we choose is based on our wants, likes, dislikes, knowledge, perception, the strength of the hype, and a host of other things, nevertheless, we are still free to choose. God granted us that freedom, His laws are designed around it, and He will not violate it Himself. He has the power to make us do what He wants but instead says, “Choose this day whom you will serve . . .”
Has it occurred to anyone that the two boys in Littleton and the other in Taber shot other children because they choose to? Years ago, they were babies with parents who made decisions for them, but as they grew, they began to decide for themselves. They picked what shirts to wear, what color they wanted their rooms, what subjects to take in school. They were bright, intelligent young people, who one day decided to do an evil thing.
Too many people will not accept responsibility for their own choices and their own outbursts. Just think how often people say, “You make me so mad” as if they had no choice. As a result, when someone does anything wrong, they blame everyone else but the person who did it.
God clearly says that those who choose to disobey Him will “eat the fruit of their ways.” Ironically, by choosing that fruit, those three boys (like Adam and Eve before them) ruined many lives too. My deepest sympathy to those who mourn in Colorado and Alberta.
After two shootings in as many weeks, most of us are in shock and grieving, not entirely objective. Few actually knew these children or the families that are involved. Most were not there and glad of it, yet everyone has an opinion about who to blame, about whose fault it was.
Parents are almost always first to take the flack. They are either too strict, or too lenient, or not there, or not in touch with their kids, or the child was beaten or deprived. Yet how can we explain a child murderer if that child’s parents were loving, concerned and did their best? As John Kindred’s column (April 27) pointed out, children from good homes sometimes turn out bad.
Also consider God, the perfect parent. He provided an ideal environment (including work and responsibility) for His children, yet Adam and Eve decided to disobey Him. Their choice adversely affected the entire human race yet no one blames God for their failure.
What about education? Were the children with the guns taught how to manage their lives? Their anger? Didn’t these rebellious teens know the harm they could do, the lives they could ruin? Whether they knew or not, or were taught or not, education can hardly be blamed. Statistics show that the nations with the highest standards of education also have the highest crime rates. Also, any parent knows you can teach it but that does not mean they learn it.
Are these shootings the government’s fault? Legislators try. They bring in gun controls, beef up the Young Offenders Act, but it doesn’t seem to work. In fact, most researchers say that gun control or lack of it, does not affect the incidents of violence. I suppose if an angry person with murder in mind cannot obtain a gun, he or she could use a baseball bat or a big rock.
A radio talk show highlighted the responsibility of the media and pointed fingers. They cited statistics about rising crime rates in countries that feature violence in their movies, TV shows and other media. Certainly what we see and hear affects us, otherwise advertisers would not spend billions of dollars for time and space to promote their products. Also, media moguls should be held responsible for any garbage they produce, but, are they responsible for what we do with their garbage? That is like blaming Madison Avenue every time we make a poor purchase.
Certainly violence in the media sells a “product” but only to those who are in the mood to buy it. We do not buy every item we see on television. We do not go to war simply because we see it on film or in a news clip. After seeing and hearing it all, we are still free to make choices.
When we make decisions, no one can coerce or influence us without our consent. How we choose is based on our wants, likes, dislikes, knowledge, perception, the strength of the hype, and a host of other things, nevertheless, we are still free to choose. God granted us that freedom, His laws are designed around it, and He will not violate it Himself. He has the power to make us do what He wants but instead says, “Choose this day whom you will serve . . .”
Has it occurred to anyone that the two boys in Littleton and the other in Taber shot other children because they choose to? Years ago, they were babies with parents who made decisions for them, but as they grew, they began to decide for themselves. They picked what shirts to wear, what color they wanted their rooms, what subjects to take in school. They were bright, intelligent young people, who one day decided to do an evil thing.
Too many people will not accept responsibility for their own choices and their own outbursts. Just think how often people say, “You make me so mad” as if they had no choice. As a result, when someone does anything wrong, they blame everyone else but the person who did it.
God clearly says that those who choose to disobey Him will “eat the fruit of their ways.” Ironically, by choosing that fruit, those three boys (like Adam and Eve before them) ruined many lives too. My deepest sympathy to those who mourn in Colorado and Alberta.
Friday, August 7, 2015
Good news for those willing to take the blame ................ Parables 310
March 24, 1992
Months ago a humorous article from the Fort Lauderdale Sun-Sentinel caught my eye. In it, Ray Recchi makes long comments about the state of the nation and the main reason for it. He concludes that “a lot of Americans are just plain stupid . . . .”
Recchi supports his charge with statistics and offers pertinent questions about the foolish things that people do and say — but the label “stupid” makes me mad. If most people who read the article are like me, they immediately assumed it was about a whole lot of other people, not them.
Counselors call this transference or some other long word that simply mean blame-shifting. We all do it. It is a defense mechanism. I use it too. Whenever someone’s accusations are hitting too close to home, if I can find someone else it fits better, then the pressure is off me. Unfortunately, the Bible doesn’t let me get away with it.
God’s Word certainly doesn’t gloss over our humanness. People shifted the blame and pointed fingers just as much then as we do now. Jesus had to command us not to judge others. It is so easy to accuse someone else of having a “splinter in their eye” when we have a log in our own (Matthew 7). However, Recchi’s article has another Scriptural parallel. When God told Israel the reason for the mess they were in, He basically said, “a lot of my people are just plain sinful.” Of course, true to human nature, they basically said, “Who? Me?” They were not prepared to accept the label either.
Again, we haven’t changed much. We resent being called sinners and will adamantly deny sin is present in our lives. We will rationalize and even re-define it so we can escape the label. Unfortunately, both Recchi and God can back up their label with statistical proof.
From one end of the Bible to the other, there is record of the sinful deeds that all people commit. Adam and Eve disobeyed the only command God gave them. Cain murdered his brother out of jealousy. Joseph’s brothers hated him and sold him into slavery. David committed adultery and murdered the woman’s husband. Solomon, wise as he was, multiplied for himself gold, horses, and wives and fell to idol worship at the end of his life. The kings of Israel built shrines for pagan deities. The people of God killed the prophets He sent and crucified His Son. The early church also struggled with sin in its midst. The apostle Paul wrote that everyone can see the glory of God in creation and are aware there is a God that deserves our worship — yet many are not thankful and turn from Him to make and worship idols.
Jesus jumped with both feet on the hypocritical religious leaders of His day. He called them “whitewashed tombs which appear beautiful outwardly but inside are full of dead bones and all uncleanness.”
Certainly, from pagan to priest, “All have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God.” The sin might be overt things like murder, adultery, stealing and lying or more hidden things like cursing God in our heart and doing our own thing, independent of His will. Refusing to thank God for His abundant care is just as much as sin as lust, hate and jealousy.
Our problem is admitting it. We hate the label, pin it on someone else who seems worse, rather than accept what the evidence suggests. We don’t want to consider the consequences: “the wages of sin is death . . . .”
Ricchi’s article failed to offer a solution for stupidity, however the Bible does offer a remedy for sin. When we are willing to admit our need, we can understand, want, and accept the solution, “. . . the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord.”
Months ago a humorous article from the Fort Lauderdale Sun-Sentinel caught my eye. In it, Ray Recchi makes long comments about the state of the nation and the main reason for it. He concludes that “a lot of Americans are just plain stupid . . . .”
Recchi supports his charge with statistics and offers pertinent questions about the foolish things that people do and say — but the label “stupid” makes me mad. If most people who read the article are like me, they immediately assumed it was about a whole lot of other people, not them.
Counselors call this transference or some other long word that simply mean blame-shifting. We all do it. It is a defense mechanism. I use it too. Whenever someone’s accusations are hitting too close to home, if I can find someone else it fits better, then the pressure is off me. Unfortunately, the Bible doesn’t let me get away with it.
God’s Word certainly doesn’t gloss over our humanness. People shifted the blame and pointed fingers just as much then as we do now. Jesus had to command us not to judge others. It is so easy to accuse someone else of having a “splinter in their eye” when we have a log in our own (Matthew 7). However, Recchi’s article has another Scriptural parallel. When God told Israel the reason for the mess they were in, He basically said, “a lot of my people are just plain sinful.” Of course, true to human nature, they basically said, “Who? Me?” They were not prepared to accept the label either.
Again, we haven’t changed much. We resent being called sinners and will adamantly deny sin is present in our lives. We will rationalize and even re-define it so we can escape the label. Unfortunately, both Recchi and God can back up their label with statistical proof.
From one end of the Bible to the other, there is record of the sinful deeds that all people commit. Adam and Eve disobeyed the only command God gave them. Cain murdered his brother out of jealousy. Joseph’s brothers hated him and sold him into slavery. David committed adultery and murdered the woman’s husband. Solomon, wise as he was, multiplied for himself gold, horses, and wives and fell to idol worship at the end of his life. The kings of Israel built shrines for pagan deities. The people of God killed the prophets He sent and crucified His Son. The early church also struggled with sin in its midst. The apostle Paul wrote that everyone can see the glory of God in creation and are aware there is a God that deserves our worship — yet many are not thankful and turn from Him to make and worship idols.
Jesus jumped with both feet on the hypocritical religious leaders of His day. He called them “whitewashed tombs which appear beautiful outwardly but inside are full of dead bones and all uncleanness.”
Certainly, from pagan to priest, “All have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God.” The sin might be overt things like murder, adultery, stealing and lying or more hidden things like cursing God in our heart and doing our own thing, independent of His will. Refusing to thank God for His abundant care is just as much as sin as lust, hate and jealousy.
Our problem is admitting it. We hate the label, pin it on someone else who seems worse, rather than accept what the evidence suggests. We don’t want to consider the consequences: “the wages of sin is death . . . .”
Ricchi’s article failed to offer a solution for stupidity, however the Bible does offer a remedy for sin. When we are willing to admit our need, we can understand, want, and accept the solution, “. . . the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord.”
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