A ‘joint journal’ and intimacy ............. Parables 713

April 24, 2001

For the past few weeks, my husband has been working two days in Calgary, two days at Scotford and one day in Fort McMurray. When he comes home, he catches up on chores and spends time with me and our family. This week we returned late Tuesday night from a short vacation. He left early Wednesday for Calgary, was home tonight for supper, then caught a plane north after dessert. I teased him that I know he’s been home when I check for dirty socks in the hamper.

Obviously, we don’t have much time for deep discussions yet despite that lack of time, we do have things to talk about. I think of important or personal things to say to him but often forget what they were by the time he gets home. He has the same experience. Also, when he arrives he is often very tired from a long day of both working and driving. Yet rather than let our conversations deteriorate to hockey scores and the latest weather report, we decided to do something about it.

An idea came from an article in a writers’ magazine penned by a mother who shared a journal with her daughter. They took turns writing in it, but avoided diary notations. Instead, they recorded their feelings and struggles about being a mom or a growing girl, the conflicts they faced, and even what they liked or didn’t like about one another’s decisions. As the girl grew to womanhood, both she and her mother found themselves able to communicate on a much deeper level than do many other mother-daughter combinations. This unique form of communication created a strong and lasting bond.

Even though I’m the ‘writer’ and he doesn’t think he is, Bob and I thought this would work for us. We selected a lined notebook and call it our “joint journal.” Besides using this journal to express those fleeting thoughts, we are learning to say what is very deep in our hearts. In these “ink chats,” topics often come up that might not otherwise surface.

This communication requires rules. One is that we do not criticize what the other says. We also reject all small talk. Third, this journal is about us, not our kids, the church, the neighbors or anything else. Whoever is in possession of the book writes something before putting it on the other person’s desk.

Right away we noticed an increased sense of intimacy. Intimacy is important. Everyone wants to deeply know someone and be deeply known. For it to happen, there obviously must be communication but intimacy is more than talking. Intimacy also requires personal revelation. But personal revelation does not happen without trust. Who can say anything about themselves or how they feel if they are afraid of being shot down? Everyone wants to be accepted as well as be heard.

The need to be heard, understood and accepted is universal, and while we do the best we can, no one can fully satisfy those needs the same way God can. He knows all about us. In fact, the psalmist says He “perceives my thoughts from afar . . . and before a word is on my tongue, He knows it completely.”

God understands our quirks, foibles and darkest secrets yet He is kind and merciful when others might be harsh or judgmental. He listens and accepts our honest revelations of ourselves, and is “faithful to forgive our sins and cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” No human friend or lover can do that either.

God also makes Himself known. He reveals who He is through the pages of His book and the life of His Son. We see Him in creation and in His people. His willingness to expose who He is and how much He loves us became fully apparent when He allowed His enemies to nail Him to a cross for the sins they (and we) committed.

Someone once told us that if two people draw closer to God they will also draw closer to each other. How true . . . and for some, having a joint journal simply adds icing to the cake.