Friday, December 22, 2017

Is discipline abusive? .......... Parables 683

September 5, 2000

Our high school class took pride in eluding teachers by passing notes around the room without getting caught. One day, one of them came to me. In part, the unsigned note said, “I am so envious of you and your sister. At least your parents love you enough to discipline you.”

The person who passed it was the most beautiful and popular girl in high school. Everyone envied her clothes, her charm, her freedom. It’s little wonder that I asked who gave her this note to pass to me. I was shocked when she replied, “I wrote it.”

That note forever affected the way I feel about discipline. While no one ever enjoys being on the receiving end, up until then I never thought what it would be like to never have it. Until this girl revealed her feelings, I had no idea that discipline could be an act of love.

The current debate over spanking misses that. Most opponents call spanking a form of abuse. Even a sweet seventeen year-old told me, “I would leave home if my mother hit me.” However, I watched that girl grow up. She does not remember the swats she received as a toddler. Her mother cared enough to stop any destructive behavior before it rooted itself. That loving discipline shaped her present personality. Her story alone flies in the face of those who say spanking permanently ruins a child. This child is anything but ruined.

Yet I understand the current horror over Bible verses such as, “Spare the rod and spoil the child.” Many who focus on that verse do not realize that Scripture condemns physical abuse. In fact, it tells parents not even to exasperate their children! (Ephesians 6)

The story of redemption describes God as a loving parent who cares for those who belong to Him. The Bible says, “Do not make light of the Lord’s discipline, and do not lose heart when he rebukes you, because the Lord disciplines those he loves, and he punishes everyone he accepts as a son (or child).”

In its context, this verse is talking about our need to overcome sin. Because we love it so much and because it is so destructive, God must help us in that battle. We cannot save ourselves. One of the ways He helps us is by rebuke and discipline. Otherwise, we would destroy ourselves.

This passage goes on: “Endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as sons. For what son is not disciplined by his father? If you are not disciplined (and everyone undergoes discipline), then you are illegitimate children and not true sons.”

The next verses say: “We have all had human fathers who disciplined us (in that day more than now) . . . . Our fathers disciplined us for a little while as they thought best; but God disciplines us for our good, that we may share in his holiness.”

If parents are have a strong moral compass, correcting immoral behavior would never be curtailing freedom in their minds, but a release from sin’s bondage. If parents can see how certain behaviors lead to problems later on in life, then they will be concerned about that behavior in their children and try to stop it. When a child is young and unable to reason or control his selfish desires, often physical discomfort is the only thing that will do it.

When she was small, our daughter stepped off a bridge ledge into the path of an oncoming truck. My husband yanked her arm and pulled her to safety. She rubbed her arm afterwards because he hurt her, but she didn’t accuse him of abuse nor did anyone else who saw it.

A sharp swat on the behind does not have to be abuse either. Sometimes “watch out” will not work. Sometimes a child shuts their ears. While the danger may not be as visible as a speeding truck, it is a parent’s responsibility to protect their child from harm, even self-inflicted harm.

That highschool note still echos in my mind. I am glad my parents loved me enough to discipline me. I am glad God does too. As for the seventeen year old, her mother stopped spanking her after she was old enough to listen to other forms of rebuke but that godly discipline guaranteed that this child has no reason to fear abuse.

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