(November 28, 1990)
After some coaxing to get her to talk at all, one of the residents at a local senior citizen’s home pointed at the ceiling and told me she wanted to go home. She nodded that she knew Christ, she nodded that she had known Him for a long time. She also nodded that life was just too hard for her.
No, she didn’t want any Scripture read, but she didn’t seem angry because she was still here and not able to cope, just desperate. She did let me hug her, only briefly. Then she began quietly asking over and over, “God, take me home.” I felt sorry for her, and I didn’t really understand.
Three short days later, I felt the same hopeless despair.
A bomb dropped into my life so totally unexpected that I didn’t even see it coming. Pieces went flying everywhere. The first day, in His marvelous grace, God just picked me up and carried me, a type of shock perhaps, but no question it was supernatural. I felt absolutely no pain, even a strange kind of joy. But the next day, the pieces started to land and sorrow set in like I have never known. Like that little lady in the home, all I could say to God is that I wanted to go home.
Along with feeling such despair, God’s Spirit in my conscience, and in hers, wouldn’t let us do the wrong thing to speed up the process. Suicide is not an option for God’s child, even though it was considered. Nor could I do anything else to remove the pain; in fact, every option I could think of was sinful. The bomb couldn’t be thrown back to where it came, nor could I run away. All I could do was allow the Lord to cradle me, helpless, in His love.
But it wasn’t long before He gave me hope. The Spirit of almighty God, who loves me and gave His Son to die for me, cupped His gentle hand around my ear, and whispered: “Hang in there, dear child, WE are going to win, WE are going to win!” His comfort rang true, I just couldn’t see how.
I remembered the book of Job, where another child of God experienced great despair. He lost everything he had, much more than I. Not only that, his friends accused him that he must have sinned a great sin to deserve such chastening. Poor Job insisted he was not being chastening yet knew no reason for his suffering. He didn’t know about the contest in heaven. Satan had challenged God: Would the faith that God gives keep a man trusting God... even if all blessings were removed?
Yes, it could. Job passed the test. He hung on to his faith in God. He even said, “Though He slay me, yet will I trust Him.” Job continued to throw himself on the mercy of God and was even able to pray that God forgive his critical friends. In the end, all was restored to him.
God wasn’t obligated to restore Job’s losses. Hebrews 11 tells of many times the saints are tested and die rather than fail the test, yet the Bible gives at least one spiritual certainty: God promises to use EVERYTHING that happens to those who love Him for our good... to make us more like His Son (see Romans 8:28,29). That means I can be a winner, no matter how much damage the bombs inflict, no matter what the reason they are dropped.
On that note, the pieces began to come together. You see God didn’t allow that bomb so I would be destroyed. That was Satan’s idea. Bombs do not get dropped on God’s children without purpose. In fact, the bomb actually didn’t blow me apart... it is serving to put my life together... in the shape God wants, with cement that will hold it firm, making me far stronger.
God is teaching me a wonderful reality; no matter the size of the weapons of my enemies, I am more than a conqueror because He loves me, and because He has the power to make blessings out of bombs.